[stylist] A Rainbow Came to Call...

[Jacqueline Williams]

Chris,
I appreciate so much your comments on my poem. I will try to respond to your
valid concerns. The lines you feel are clunky almost seem the same to me. I
used a term called "enjambment" to continue a phrase or thought on the next
line, and this sometimes gets ride of the sing-song quality of ending
rhymes. But, as Lynda says, this can make it more effective when you see it,
rather than just hearing it on a screen reader.
The asterisk is meant to separate the discussion of the rainbow from the
discussion of the antique glass serving as night lights to me.
Your comments mean to me that perhaps my enjambment was not very effective,
and the asterisk might either be eliminated, or substituted with some other
sign.
It is important that non-poets read and comment, for otherwise we poets will
never learn to write truly accessible words.
One question I had was whether I would use the word, "blest" or blessed."
It has to be one syllable.
You are an excellent writer, Chris, so I doubly appreciate your input.
Jackie

-----Original Message-----
From: stylist [mailto:stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Chris Kuell
Sent: Friday, April 05, 2013 6:25 AM
To: Writer's Division Mailing List
Subject: Re: [stylist] A Rainbow Came to Call...

Jackie,

Thanks for sharing your poem. I'm no poet, so I'm nobody to offer you a 
critique. However, since you asked, I'll offer up these 2 thoughts.

I see that your lines are 8 syllables long, and line 2 rhyms with line 1, 
line 4 rhymes with line 3, and so on. In general, this works great, but I 
find the first 3 lines of this stanza a bit clunky:

Green's destiny is not a pot
of gold, but lands on trees, a lot
of memories of horseback rides,

After the next 2 stanzas, there's a single asterisk. Is that intentional?

Would I go back? Not on your life.

*
With darkness, night lights must allay

I enjoyed your poem. Thanks again for sharing.

chris



 


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