[stylist] poetry question

[vejas]

Hi Robert,
I really appreciate you taking the time to read my poem.  I agree 
that it doesn't quite flow.  Tomorrow I will take a better look 
at the division of the lines (maybe the one that has 27 lines can 
be divided.) I think if it flows better people would like it more 
and I have a better chance of my submission being accepted.
Thanks again.
Vejas


 ----- Original Message -----
From: "Robert Leslie Newman" <newmanrl at cox.net
To: "'Writer's Division Mailing List'" <stylist at nfbnet.org
Date sent: Sat, 20 Apr 2013 22:27:06 -0500
Subject: Re: [stylist] poetry question

Your poem has a good message.  As I went down it, line by line, I 
started
noting the length of each line.  At first I thought there was an 
interesting
pattern, where the first line started out being shortish, and the 
next few
each got a little longer, and I was speculating that maybe you 
were creating
a pattern that is going to be real interesting --- that each line 
would
lengthen to the middle of the poem, then shorten back down to the 
end.  It
almost does this, but not quite.  In fact I got so into the 
length for each
line that I went back and counted the words.  Below is the word 
count for
each line.  And before you arrow down to see the numbers, I'm 
wondering if it
would be possible to reword the poem, and purposefully manage the 
word count
for each line and make it work out in the pattern I mentioned --- 
beginning
short, graduating longer and longer to the middle line or two, 
then shorten
back down.  [line five would be the longest, or even make a tenth 
line, etc.
--- or MMM somehow just create a more balanced pattern of line 
length than
what you have Right now.  Again, I feel that though the message 
is a good
one, there is an imbalance of words in some lines.[
Here is the present word count per your nine lines: 5 10 9 27 10 
11 5 16 4
-----Original Message-----
From: stylist [mailto:stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of 
vejas
Sent: Saturday, April 20, 2013 5:01 PM
To: stylist at nfbnet.org
Subject: [stylist] poetry question

Hi all,
I've been so busy lately (AP euro test in a month) that I haven't 
really had
a chance to do much on the list.
I normally don't write poetry, but we wrote poems yesterday for 
my creative
writing club in high school.  I shared my poem to the club 
members, who were
all very enthusiastic about it.  They want me to submit it to our
high-school literary magazine.
But like I said, I really don't write much poetry, so I would 
really like
some advice on how to make my poem good.  I feel like it lacks 
flow and
formatting and it is not really considered a poem.
Any suggesttions welcome.  I've attached it, and will paste it at 
the bottom
of this e-mail.
Thanks so much.
Vejas
I Speak for the Silent
by Vejas Vasiliauskas
I speak for the silent.
I come to tell you that you are not alone.
There are many other people out there like you.
For the millions of you who think that no one will care, There 
are millions
more who will want to hear your story and listen to you.
Speak up, and your life will change for the better.
Yes, I know it is hard, but you can do it.
I know, because I did.
I used to be one of these silent people, so  I know you can do 
it!
You are NOT alone.


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