[stylist] poetry question

[Myrna]

Hi Vejas
I agree with Robert and his thoughts on line lengths. Rewording them or as you making the one line into two would work. And you are right I think about it being more likely to be accepted for submission then. 
And I do love the message within these lines. Very well expressed. 
Myrna

Sent from my iPhone

On Apr 20, 2013, at 10:43 PM, vejas <brlsurfer at gmail.com> wrote:

> Hi Robert,
> I really appreciate you taking the time to read my poem.  I agree that it doesn't quite flow.  Tomorrow I will take a better look at the division of the lines (maybe the one that has 27 lines can be divided.) I think if it flows better people would like it more and I have a better chance of my submission being accepted.
> Thanks again.
> Vejas
> 
> 
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "Robert Leslie Newman" <newmanrl at cox.net
> To: "'Writer's Division Mailing List'" <stylist at nfbnet.org
> Date sent: Sat, 20 Apr 2013 22:27:06 -0500
> Subject: Re: [stylist] poetry question
> 
> Your poem has a good message.  As I went down it, line by line, I started
> noting the length of each line.  At first I thought there was an interesting
> pattern, where the first line started out being shortish, and the next few
> each got a little longer, and I was speculating that maybe you were creating
> a pattern that is going to be real interesting --- that each line would
> lengthen to the middle of the poem, then shorten back down to the end.  It
> almost does this, but not quite.  In fact I got so into the length for each
> line that I went back and counted the words.  Below is the word count for
> each line.  And before you arrow down to see the numbers, I'm wondering if it
> would be possible to reword the poem, and purposefully manage the word count
> for each line and make it work out in the pattern I mentioned --- beginning
> short, graduating longer and longer to the middle line or two, then shorten
> back down.  [line five would be the longest, or even make a tenth line, etc.
> --- or MMM somehow just create a more balanced pattern of line length than
> what you have Right now.  Again, I feel that though the message is a good
> one, there is an imbalance of words in some lines.[
> Here is the present word count per your nine lines: 5 10 9 27 10 11 5 16 4
> -----Original Message-----
> From: stylist [mailto:stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of vejas
> Sent: Saturday, April 20, 2013 5:01 PM
> To: stylist at nfbnet.org
> Subject: [stylist] poetry question
> 
> Hi all,
> I've been so busy lately (AP euro test in a month) that I haven't really had
> a chance to do much on the list.
> I normally don't write poetry, but we wrote poems yesterday for my creative
> writing club in high school.  I shared my poem to the club members, who were
> all very enthusiastic about it.  They want me to submit it to our
> high-school literary magazine.
> But like I said, I really don't write much poetry, so I would really like
> some advice on how to make my poem good.  I feel like it lacks flow and
> formatting and it is not really considered a poem.
> Any suggesttions welcome.  I've attached it, and will paste it at the bottom
> of this e-mail.
> Thanks so much.
> Vejas
> I Speak for the Silent
> by Vejas Vasiliauskas
> I speak for the silent.
> I come to tell you that you are not alone.
> There are many other people out there like you.
> For the millions of you who think that no one will care, There are millions
> more who will want to hear your story and listen to you.
> Speak up, and your life will change for the better.
> Yes, I know it is hard, but you can do it.
> I know, because I did.
> I used to be one of these silent people, so  I know you can do it!
> You are NOT alone.
> 
> 
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