[stylist] poetry question

Sun Apr 21 14:12:37 UTC 2013

Vejas,
I agree with Myrna. the message is a good one. It is so thoughtful and 
really has a touch of humor to it as well.
I think you could begin by looking into what a "prose poem" is, and perhaps 
that would suit your purposes better?
Is this a "poem" or a "prose poem" in your mind?
It's a good start towards something more, I think.

Definitely submit it to your school paper if you have the opportunity to do 
that, but do it AFTER you edit it more.

My other thought is that the first person you should go to for help in 
editing your poem is your teacher.
I think your English teacher would be more than happy to sit down with you 
for a couple of  minutes to go over your piece. You can discuss with the 
teacher
what  you can do to   make it a better poem. She knows you, and there is 
nothing that is better than person-to-person, face-to-face contact with a 
teacher who knows you.  You do need to be doing that on a regular basis with 
your writing.

As a high school student, it is time to begin to think about making bridges 
with your teachers that will take you beyond the classroom projects.
When you go to college, the most important thing you will need to do, to be 
successful, is to get to know your professors very well, personally.
There is no end to the learning process - it extends beyond class time, and 
into your future. It is those people who will promote you, mentor you, and 
become your friends for many years after you leave the college environment 
and enter the career you have been preparing for. And, you are preparing 
right now as you begin to take the extra steps to build a bridge with your 
teacher when you ask for help and advice on this poem.

Good job, and let us know how it goes - we want to celebrate your 
publications with you!

Lynda

----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Myrna" <kajuncutie926 at aol.com>
To: "Writer's Division Mailing List" <stylist at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Saturday, April 20, 2013 11:49 PM
Subject: Re: [stylist] poetry question

> Hi Vejas
> I agree with Robert and his thoughts on line lengths. Rewording them or as 
> you making the one line into two would work. And you are right I think 
> about it being more likely to be accepted for submission then.
> And I do love the message within these lines. Very well expressed.
> Myrna
>
> Sent from my iPhone
>
> On Apr 20, 2013, at 10:43 PM, vejas <brlsurfer at gmail.com> wrote:
>
>> Hi Robert,
>> I really appreciate you taking the time to read my poem.  I agree that it 
>> doesn't quite flow.  Tomorrow I will take a better look at the division 
>> of the lines (maybe the one that has 27 lines can be divided.) I think if 
>> it flows better people would like it more and I have a better chance of 
>> my submission being accepted.
>> Thanks again.
>> Vejas
>>
>>
>> ----- Original Message -----
>> From: "Robert Leslie Newman" <newmanrl at cox.net
>> To: "'Writer's Division Mailing List'" <stylist at nfbnet.org
>> Date sent: Sat, 20 Apr 2013 22:27:06 -0500
>> Subject: Re: [stylist] poetry question
>>
>> Your poem has a good message.  As I went down it, line by line, I started
>> noting the length of each line.  At first I thought there was an 
>> interesting
>> pattern, where the first line started out being shortish, and the next 
>> few
>> each got a little longer, and I was speculating that maybe you were 
>> creating
>> a pattern that is going to be real interesting --- that each line would
>> lengthen to the middle of the poem, then shorten back down to the end. 
>> It
>> almost does this, but not quite.  In fact I got so into the length for 
>> each
>> line that I went back and counted the words.  Below is the word count for
>> each line.  And before you arrow down to see the numbers, I'm wondering 
>> if it
>> would be possible to reword the poem, and purposefully manage the word 
>> count
>> for each line and make it work out in the pattern I mentioned ---  
>> beginning
>> short, graduating longer and longer to the middle line or two, then 
>> shorten
>> back down.  [line five would be the longest, or even make a tenth line, 
>> etc.
>> --- or MMM somehow just create a more balanced pattern of line length 
>> than
>> what you have Right now.  Again, I feel that though the message is a good
>> one, there is an imbalance of words in some lines.[
>> Here is the present word count per your nine lines: 5 10 9 27 10 11 5 16 
>> 4
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: stylist [mailto:stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of vejas
>> Sent: Saturday, April 20, 2013 5:01 PM
>> To: stylist at nfbnet.org
>> Subject: [stylist] poetry question
>>
>> Hi all,
>> I've been so busy lately (AP euro test in a month) that I haven't really 
>> had
>> a chance to do much on the list.
>> I normally don't write poetry, but we wrote poems yesterday for my 
>> creative
>> writing club in high school.  I shared my poem to the club members, who 
>> were
>> all very enthusiastic about it.  They want me to submit it to our
>> high-school literary magazine.
>> But like I said, I really don't write much poetry, so I would really like
>> some advice on how to make my poem good.  I feel like it lacks flow and
>> formatting and it is not really considered a poem.
>> Any suggesttions welcome.  I've attached it, and will paste it at the 
>> bottom
>> of this e-mail.
>> Thanks so much.
>> Vejas
>> I Speak for the Silent
>> by Vejas Vasiliauskas
>> I speak for the silent.
>> I come to tell you that you are not alone.
>> There are many other people out there like you.
>> For the millions of you who think that no one will care, There are 
>> millions
>> more who will want to hear your story and listen to you.
>> Speak up, and your life will change for the better.
>> Yes, I know it is hard, but you can do it.
>> I know, because I did.
>> I used to be one of these silent people, so  I know you can do it!
>> You are NOT alone.
>>
>>
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