[stylist] Vejas - prompt response

[vejas]

Hi Chris,
Thanks so much for commenting on my story.  I will deffinetly 
take your suggesttions.
Yes, that makes perfect sense that if I don't comment on other 
peoples' writings, they may not want to do it on mine.  I'm 
really sorry, and I'm going to try to write critiques-I may not 
be great at doing them, but I'll get practice.
Thanks again.
Vejas

 ----- Original Message -----
From: "Chris Kuell" <ckuell at comcast.net
To: "Stylist" <stylist at nfbnet.org
Date sent: Mon, 11 Feb 2013 10:29:14 -0500
Subject: [stylist] Vejas - prompt response

Vejas,

I got your original post, although it went into my junk folder.  
Having said that, and speaking for myself, I am much more likely 
to respond to someone's post, which takes time and effort, when 
they have the courtesy of doing the same for me.  This could be 
why people haven't commented.

I think your story has potential.  I saw it as funny, and I hope 
you meant it that way.  I don't mind it being in chapters, but if 
you keep it that way, I'd like to see more scene development.  
The number one skill you need to work on, in my opinion, is 
showing, not telling.  This story is almost entirely telling, 
which doesn't engage the reader.
The second skill you need to work on is what I'll call 
plausability and logic.  In this story, you start with a big 
banner at the front of the school which everyone can see that 
makes fun of the two worst students in school.  Later, you have 
the school appalled at the competition, which everyone attended, 
apparently during school hours.  These two events conflict with 
each other.  I think a better approach would be to have the 
dumbest competition a school sanctioned event.  Of course this 
would never happen in real life, but if your story is consistant 
and follows some form of logic, the reader will go along with it.  
The example that comes to mind is the Captain Underpants books I 
used to read with my kids.  They are totally ridiculous, but they 
are funny and the plot moves in a logical order.

Thanks for sharing, and I hope my comments help you to improve 
your stories.

chris
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