[stylist] Bridgit's prompt response

[Chris Kuell]

Bridgit,

I think you did a nice job with this prompt, especially how you weaved the song into the piece at the beginning and the end. Well done. I've also experienced that overwhelming amount of love you feel when holding your baby. I've never been able to capture that feeling in prose, and I'm no poet.  

As for constructive feedback, my primary advice would be to trim. While it's usually better to use strong verbs, nons and adjectives, sometimes that can lead to what I think of as over-writing. Here's an example:
I gasp, unsure if this moment is real. 

To me, gasp is too strong. Perhaps sigh?   

Warm liquid gushes around me as I feel the tell-tell tightenings travel down my stomach.
I think this should be 'tell-tale'

Ross holds my hand as nurse's remark on the
intensity of my contractions- yet I still feel no pain. 
Nurses should be plural, not possessive

They pull him from my body, bleeding and broken. Ross sniffles. Everything is muted except my baby, but he makes no noise.Don't they cry? Aren't they suppose to cry?  

To me, bleeding and broken is too strong here. He's not bleeding, he's  bloody. He's not broken, he's distressed, or unresponsive might be even better. The sentence about muted but your baby who is quiet doesn't make sense. I'd simplify that by something like--My baby is quiet. Shouldn't he be crying?

    "We didn't anticipate this. We're not entirely sure what is happening." The doctor clears his throat. Papers rustle between the heart beats.

This dialogue packs a powerful punch. Every parent's nightmare. And the papers rustling between heartbeats is a fantastic detail. That puts the reader right there. Excellent.

Liquid silver laps my wounds, embracing me
like a lost friend.
This is absolutely a beautiful line, but does it really belong in this essay? To me, it's too mellodramatic.   
 
I wished upon a star and have wake with the clouds far behind me. Our
troubles have melted like lemon drops, and I have found you. 
Should that be 'woken'? 

While there's nothing wrong with the last bit, I felt the piece really ended with 'there's no place like home'. That brings us back to the song, and lets the reader know everything is okay.

I'm glad to see you writing again, Bridgit, and it's always a pleasure reading your work. I hope you take my comments as they were intended.

chris