[stylist] Tunnel Vision

[Lynda Lambert]

Donna, this essay was both hilarious and sad at the same time. After I read 
it through, the word that came to me was "momentum." The piece had a fast 
paced momentum the kept cranking on like some kind of mechanical force, 
from beginning to end. Maybe like a train moving through a tunnel, now that 
I think about it.

The quick-step-dance down the stairway was captivating. I could see it 
clearly, and I could feel the momentum of it. Part of me was watching it 
from below the landing and my heart was throbbing; and part of me was bent 
over double laughing at the bizaare nature of it all.  I  think I would 
laugh  due to  a purely emotional response to the terror of the sight of it 
all!

Does the ending really need to address the idea or image of a tunnel at all?
Does the  title have to be about a tunnel?
Maybe that is too narrow and you are trying to force the word "tunnel" into 
the work at beginning and ending?

When I got to the last part,  your  ending gave   me the same feeling I get 
when I read a poem that  was written by putting down a  string of  end words 
that  rhyme; then  the writer  tries to pound  lines into those  forced  end 
words.

It  also made me feel like I was standing in front of my wall of books on 
shelves. There are bookends there that hold the books fast in place on the 
shelf. I pick up a book and walk over to my fully loaded shelf;  I begin to 
try squeezing that book in my had  into position at the end of the shelf. 
It just won't fit in there!

I really loved this piece because of the insight it gave me into what it is 
like to have lifetime challenges with eye problems. I was especially 
interested in your discussion of how you tried to do school work, without 
the kinds of adaptions that would be necessary for success.

I was very surprised to see that  as a young child you did not have cane 
training and did not use a cane as a young adult.  Your sense of humer in 
dire circumstances come through very clearly. I really enjoyed this essay.


Lynda




----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Donna Hill" <penatwork at epix.net>
To: "'Writer's Division Mailing List'" <stylist at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Thursday, January 31, 2013 10:10 AM
Subject: Re: [stylist] Tunnel Vision


> Chris,
> Yes, it was a wonderful break, and thanks for your comments. Personally, I
> don't know if I could ever pull that stair trick off again. It's never
> happened. I'd like to think I could, but I'd rather not find out. *grin*
>
> As for the ending, I thought about it afterwards and temporarily changed 
> the
> last sentence to read:
>
> Block quote
> Also, those tunnels, which had been -- along with my hopes -- narrowing 
> over
> the years , seemed to be starting to spread out a bit.
> Block quote end
>
> It's not quite right, but better, I think. Armed with your thoughts,
> however, I will rethink the matter.
> Donna
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: stylist [mailto:stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Chris Kuell
> Sent: Thursday, January 31, 2013 8:45 AM
> To: Writer's Division Mailing List
> Subject: Re: [stylist] Tunnel Vision
>
> Donna,
>
> You are a competent writer, and this piece reads well. Like all of us on
> this list, there are certainly parts I can relate to. For example: Then, 
> my
> heart was drilling a hole through my chest. My last step hadn't landed; it
> was sinking through thin air.
> Been there, done that, and you capture the momentary feeling so well. Why
> isn't my foot on solid ground? As for your recovery, racing down the 
> stairs,
> I have no idea how you pulled that off. Whatever your methodology, I could
> use some lessons.
>
> As far as recommendations to improve the piece, I'd have to agree that the
> ending needs work. You might consider changing the title to something like
> 'Adventures in the Tunnel', since the piece is largely a recap of some of
> your mishaps. You might end a little more philosophically. Tunnels, by 
> their
> very nature, are limiting. They impede ones' progress to move in a variety
> of directions. However, once given the proper tools, we can chip away at
> those limitations. We can create new tunnels that go in a multitude of
> places we never thought we could go. That sort of thing.
>
> Now, wasn't it nice to take a break from editing your novel and get 
> creative
> for a few hours?
>
> chris
>
>
>
>
> _______________________________________________
> Writers Division web site
> http://www.writers-division.net/
> stylist mailing list
> stylist at nfbnet.org
> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/stylist_nfbnet.org
> To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for
> stylist:
> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/options/stylist_nfbnet.org/penatwork%40epix.net
>
>
> _______________________________________________
> Writers Division web site
> http://www.writers-division.net/
> stylist mailing list
> stylist at nfbnet.org
> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/stylist_nfbnet.org
> To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for 
> stylist:
> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/options/stylist_nfbnet.org/llambert%40zoominternet.net
>