[stylist] Tunnel Vision

[Donna Hill]

Chris,
Yes, it was a wonderful break, and thanks for your comments. Personally, I
don't know if I could ever pull that stair trick off again. It's never
happened. I'd like to think I could, but I'd rather not find out. *grin*

As for the ending, I thought about it afterwards and temporarily changed the
last sentence to read:

Block quote
Also, those tunnels, which had been -- along with my hopes -- narrowing over
the years , seemed to be starting to spread out a bit. 
Block quote end

It's not quite right, but better, I think. Armed with your thoughts,
however, I will rethink the matter.
Donna 

-----Original Message-----
From: stylist [mailto:stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Chris Kuell
Sent: Thursday, January 31, 2013 8:45 AM
To: Writer's Division Mailing List
Subject: Re: [stylist] Tunnel Vision

Donna,

You are a competent writer, and this piece reads well. Like all of us on
this list, there are certainly parts I can relate to. For example: Then, my
heart was drilling a hole through my chest. My last step hadn't landed; it
was sinking through thin air.
Been there, done that, and you capture the momentary feeling so well. Why
isn't my foot on solid ground? As for your recovery, racing down the stairs,
I have no idea how you pulled that off. Whatever your methodology, I could
use some lessons.

As far as recommendations to improve the piece, I'd have to agree that the
ending needs work. You might consider changing the title to something like
'Adventures in the Tunnel', since the piece is largely a recap of some of
your mishaps. You might end a little more philosophically. Tunnels, by their
very nature, are limiting. They impede ones' progress to move in a variety
of directions. However, once given the proper tools, we can chip away at
those limitations. We can create new tunnels that go in a multitude of
places we never thought we could go. That sort of thing.

Now, wasn't it nice to take a break from editing your novel and get creative
for a few hours?

chris




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