[stylist] No greater love

[Chris Kuell]

RJ,

Some people will tell you that the hardest part of writing is getting that 
first draft down. In some ways I agree, so congrats on your first draft. 
However, I think the real work in writing is turning that first draft into 
something people will want to read. To craft sentences and paragraphs and 
dialogue and setting and characters that fully engage readers, that compel 
them to turn the page.

What you have here is a rough first draft. You asked Barbara about the 
story, and my answer is that while I think you may have a good storyline 
here, the writing needs so much work that I can't really appreciate it. For 
example, your first line is forgettable. Some writers believe that the first 
line is the most important single line in a novel. "It was the best of 
times, it was the worst of times..."
You indicate when there is a flashback, which is not how novels are written. 
In that first flashback, John's behavior is, well, unbelievable. I assume 
your goal in this work is to show how John comes to accept Christ, so you 
want to start by portraying him as Godless. But, you still have to be 
somewhat realistic, somewhat believable, or readers will put your book down 
and move on to another. John is totally unbelievable to me. His professions 
of love, his dialogue, later on when he blurts out of nowhere that he needs 
a heart transplant--none of that rings true to me. Likewise, Ashley's 
dialogue and behavior are unrealistic. Firstly, she couldn't know all about 
John's past, and if she did, she never would have gone to meet him.

So, in my opinion, this needs a lot of work. My advice is to read more, and 
don't just read, but study the writing of what you are reading. Notice how 
the characters seem real to you, and how the author achieves that. Secondly, 
read a book or two or three on writing fiction and learn more about the 
craft. It will help you fix some of the issues you show here. And lastly, I 
recommend you get a professional critique from the NFB Writers Division (see 
Robert Newmann) so you can better pinpoint where your particular weaknesses 
are.

RJ, I apologize if my message comes across as harsh. I don't mean it to 
be--I am only being blunt to try to assist you in improving your writing. 
Writing is hard work, and it takes a lot of time. If you are simply looking 
for praise, I will abstain from responding in the future. But, if you really 
want to be a successful writer, listen to what I said, and get to work.

chris