[stylist] balancing with fiction

Fri Mar 29 16:48:32 UTC 2013

I was smiling as I read the 'towering' line because it reminded me of what my brother would say about my grandmother. 'She is 4 foot 11 but can scare you like 6 foot 8!  And he was right! 
Chris, I loved the piece. It also reminded me of an old guy who frequented my brother's restaurant. I visualize Arnie as I read this. Great job!

Sent from my iPhone

On Mar 29, 2013, at 11:22 AM, "Lynda Lambert" <llambert at zoominternet.net> wrote:

> Robert, I had the exact same reaction. I stopped JAWS and went back to have it read again. I was so surprised by this.
> Lynda
> 
> 
> 
> ----- Original Message ----- From: "Robert Leslie Newman" <newmanrl at cox.net>
> To: "'Writer's Division Mailing List'" <stylist at nfbnet.org>
> Sent: Friday, March 29, 2013 10:19 AM
> Subject: Re: [stylist] balancing with fiction
> 
> 
>> Chris
>> 
>> Enjoyed the piece -- good flowing characterization. One question - in the
>> first sentence in your description of the  philosopher you write-
>> "....Valmore is a towering five-foot-six, bald..."
>> 
>> Interesting you have towering and five foot six in the same description. One
>> of my first thoughts was it was a mistake. The next thought was MMM, I
>> suppose a small dog peeing on a fireplug might look up and think "towering."
>> But then, the it incongruence in the modifier "towering" to the guys height
>> does add an interesting twist of thought, of --- maybe personal appearance
>> coupled with force of personality, may give him this orah; or so he may
>> think so.
>> 
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: stylist [mailto:stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Chris Kuell
>> Sent: Thursday, March 28, 2013 8:06 PM
>> To: Stylist
>> Subject: [stylist] balancing with fiction
>> 
>> There's been a lot of poetry on the list of late, which is great. But I
>> thought I'd balance the mix with an experimental piece of fiction. Just
>> beware--the language is rated R.
>> 
>> Barroom Philosopher
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> By Chris Kuell
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> Valmore is a towering five-foot-six, bald, with a mortar-block neck. His
>> shoulders are broad and strong, like a fireman, or a long shoreman, or the
>> foreman of a coal mining crew. You've seen him bounce druggies, skin-heads,
>> wanna-be prize fighters--bend a quarter with his bare hands.
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> Valmore says, "One more."
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> Valmore says he thinks the Giants may pull it out this year, and never
>> underestimate the Red Sox.
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> Valmore says be good to your mother. Help her out. Explain the DVD player,
>> again, and no back talk.
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> Valmore says that the most wonderful sight in the world is the head of a
>> trout as it breaks the surface of the water and swallows the mayfly on the
>> end of your line.
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> Valmore puts down a fresh beer and says, "This one's on the house."
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> Valmore says wind is the most under-estimated element, and grass shacks are
>> flat shacks. People who buy waterfront property get what they deserve.
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> Valmore says to stay away from high tech stocks for a while. Put your money
>> on Chinese imports and wind mills.
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> Valmore says Giuliani is dangerous, says this while toweling the
>> bar--polishing, whispering, lilting, raving--that thick stump of a head
>> turned down your way and cocked to one side.
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> Valmore says the finest moment in the world is when you walk out of a stuck
>> elevator and breathe in fresh air, even if it's full of second hand smoke,
>> the stench of leftover kimchi from somebody's lunch, and some old lady's
>> overly-floral perfume.
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> Valmore says that if you're lost, ask a blind guy for directions-they always
>> know where they are.
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> Valmore says, "One more."
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> Valmore says the most complicated thing in the world is to lead a simple
>> life, so you'd better be starting. And always wear a tie to a funeral.
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> Valmore says don't try to solve serious matters in the middle of the night.
>> Never advise someone to go to war, or to get married.
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> Valmore says the city is no place for a dog.
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> Valmore says he's never had a bad blowjob. Some were better than others, but
>> he's never had a bad one.
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> Valmore says to keep track of the shadows that come up behind you on the
>> sidewalk, because the bastards are waiting to kill you.
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> Valmore says, "Last one."
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> Valmore says nothing is as far away as one minute ago. And regret over
>> wasted time is more wasted time.
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> Valmore says to beware of young doctors and old barbers. Never let a doctor
>> with a big class ring give you a rectal exam.
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> Valmore turns the lights down, pours himself a shot and says the best thing
>> you can do is comfort a crying child. Hold her hand, make him laugh, give
>> 'em a hug. Fuck what anybody else says.
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> Valmore says, "Go home."
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> 
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