[stylist] Vejas's story

[Chris Kuell]

Hey Vejas,

Thanks for sharing your story with us. First off, I'd like to tell you how much I think your writing has improved over the years I've belonged to this list. You really are getting a lot better. And as a result, your story was very readable and entertaining. I think your hope that it would make people cry was a little unrealistic. It is only a story, after all, and while the writing is good, I wouldn't say it was heart-wrenching. In fact, I'm hesitant to call this story horror, but rather, it's a story about a horrible family. When I think horror, I think of ghosts, hauntings, possessions, zombies--that sort of thing. I like how you chose to do this like a television show, which was very creative, although there is also a weakness there, because it's all 'telling' rather than 'showing'. For example, you tell us about how much the father swears, and that's fine. But to really have impact, it's better to show us. For example, let us see him running into a pregnant woman, then saying, "Well, you fat sh*t, if you weren't a f**king pregnant cow, you'd look where the F**k you're going and wouldn't take up half the g*D damned sidewalk!"  But, obviously that wouldn't work on a television show.

Overall, a nice job. Glad to hear you got a good grade.

chris

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