[stylist] Flash fiction

[Applebutter Hill]

Hi Atty,
Edgy and quirky with a message. I like it. I'm still thinking about
e-rights.

There are a few typing issues that you might want to fix -- extra spaces
between words, capital when not called for, but nothing else jumped out and
bit me.

1. There's a Space between the quotation mark and first word:Block quote
" E-Fritz is now part of the family," Desman said imitating their father.
"It will teach you kids responsibility." He waved the scoop controller. "Dad
installed the olfactory plug-in, so now you
Block quote end

2. It's entrance - a-n-c-e not e
Block quote
entrence with her body, blue eyes blazing.
Block quote end

3. Exttra space after with
Block quote
Karly turned red with  fury, "You're a stinky
Block quote end

4. Are you sure you don't want a comma after "Oh?
And, did you mean to drop the 'd from "I'd" -- "I' kiss your beautiful lips
...?"
Also, I'd make "And sent it into a full sentence. I'm guessing you left this
as a fragment because adding it to the previous sentence would have made it
a bit run-on . I like the two previous sentences the way they are, so the
only thing for it would be to add a beginning, such as, "before she could
stop him, he sent it." or "Eyes glued to her face for a reaction, he sent
it."

Block quote
Desman pressed return v-mail and made smooching sounds into the camera. He
fluttered his lashes and said in a soft breathy voice, "Oh e-Anna, I' kiss
your beautiful lips, if you had them." And sent it.
Block quote end
HTH,
Donna


-----Original Message-----
From: stylist [mailto:stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Atty Rose
Sent: Thursday, March 27, 2014 12:50 PM
To: Writer's Division Mailing List
Subject: [stylist] Flash fiction

Hi all, here is my try at flash fiction. I am going to submit it to Daily
Science fiction. I belong to their list and enjoy the little scenes they
post.

I hope the attachment works.

Atty