[stylist] suggestions on this short story

[Vejas]

Hi all,
I am writing a story for class about love.  I would really like 
suggesttions on it.
I have never been in a relationship, so don't know how good my 
descriptions are.  Also I really don't like my ending-so I'd 
really like some suggesttions.
Also note that although this is a third-person narrative, this is 
largely written using the girl's thoughts.
I have to turn it in in 10 days, so there's time.
Thanks.
Vejas
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