[stylist] Poem - "Hiroshima" - (sonnet)

[Barbara Hammel]

Probably best to take Jackie's suggestion since judges would be most 
familiar with the usual schemes and have to scramble to find what this could 
be.  They won't want to do that, I'm guessing.  Nothing wrong with being a 
variation on a sonnet.  It is a sonnet but a variant rhyme scheme.
Barbara




Writing free verse is like playing tennis with the net down.--Robert Frost
-----Original Message----- 
From: William L Houts via stylist
Sent: Wednesday, June 11, 2014 9:07 PM
To: Jackie Williams ; 'Writer's Division Mailing List'
Subject: Re: [stylist] Poem - "Hiroshima" - (sonnet)



HI Jackie,

I think calling it a sonnet variation might be a good idea, although it
does seem a little persnicketty.  I mean would a judge really toss it
out because it doesn't strictly follow Miltonic, Shakespearian or
Spenserian forms?  I wrote it several years ago and haven't recently
eyeballed the accepted formats.  Maybe I'm naieve, but for the purposes
of our friendly little food fight, I've got the 14 lines, the volte, and
the dialectic going on. Doesn't it come in under the gun just on the
strength of those things? I'm thinking that if I researched the sonnet
form sufficiently, I'd turn up a representative example somewhere.


--Bill





On 6/11/2014 6:02 PM, Jackie Williams wrote:
> Bill,
> As you know, from my past e-mails, I am an admirer of your poetry. I 
> analyze
> it, try to understand it, and if it is a form, try to fit it with my own
> understanding of the form.
> I understand your poem, and think the content is right on, and put both
> poetically and realistically.
> Essentially you have a sonnet because it is iambic pentameter, and 14 
> lines
> with a twist or conclusion in the last two lines. As far as I can tell, it
> has the following rhyme pattern:
> A, B, A, B,  A, C, A, C, D, A, D, A, D, D. This is not Shakespearean, or
> Petrarchan, or a McNeil sonnet. There are many recognized variations, but
> because this is unconventional, why don't you just call it  a sonnet
> variation?
> In this way you could submit it in any rhymed category, or a form poetry
> category being sure you use the word variation to keep it from being
> challenged. The judges just want to know that you know the form you are
> using and that if they specify Shakespearean, that is what you use.
> Your format in no way detracts from the quality and interest of your poem
> unless you are too specific.
> This info is also for Barbara who asked a question about it.
> Your poem took me right to the target of the blast a minute before it went
> off. Not an easy thing to do, and good for all of us to feel if we want a
> nuclear free world.
> Jackie
>
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: stylist [mailto:stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of William L
> Houts via stylist
> Sent: Monday, June 09, 2014 8:17 AM
> To: Writer's Division Mailing List
> Subject: [stylist] Poem - "Hiroshima" - (sonnet)
>
>
> HI Gang,
>
> Here's a sonnet; one of the few I've written worthy of the name, and it
> shouldn't be a headache to read, as far as I can tell. Comments welcome,
> as always.
>
> --Bill
>
> ---
>
> No enemies were bombed, no tanks or planes:
>
> just people walking dogs or bringing home
>
> their fish and rice from market stalls while chains
>
> of splitting atoms high above become
>
> a lightning hellish holocaust which rains
>
> a nightmare poison down, a billion wraths.
>
> Today, the children fold their paper cranes
>
> and pray to save the world from psychopaths.
>
> But that's a country with an ancient mind,
>
> where history is taught and facts retained.
>
> America, I fear, is not that kind
>
> Our virgin state, when lost, is e'er regained.
>
> To learn and leave the past?We're not inclined:
>
> our nation's got a faint, forgetful mind.
>
>
>
>
> copyright William L. Houts 2014
> United States of America
> All Rights Reserved
>
>
> _______________________________________________
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-- 

"Do one thing for me, Sredni Vashtar!"

           --Saki


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