[stylist] Poem - "Archaeology" - First Draft

[Bridgit Pollpeter]

Bill,

Finally getting to this one, grin.

You do use a lot of abstract imagery, so I understand where others are
coming from with the confusion. To me, this poem can take on many lives.
I read it a couple of times and found more richness each time. This is
not a poem to merely skim through.

I like your juxtaposing of words and images. Maybe your language can be
played with, but I really like how you connect words and images.

Your phrasing and line breaks are really good too. I like how you break
us off after one thought, letting it sink in, then moving on to complete
it. I think your use of line breaks is a strong suit in your poetry.

Another strong suit of yours is your ability to illustrate with words.
Whether we get it or not, your use of descriptive language and
employment of imagery leaves a vivid, colorful, visual impression. I
really visualize your poetry.

Hmmm.. This takes me on a tangent: For those of us who have had sight at
one point in time, writing like this leaves visuals in our head. I'm
wondering how it differs, if at all, for those who have never been able
to see. What sensual impression does it leave? Does this affect our
ability to interpret a certain way? Just curious.

Sorry it took so long, but thanks for sharing.

Bridgit

-----Original Message-----
From: stylist [mailto:stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of William L
Houts
Sent: Wednesday, April 30, 2014 1:43 PM
To: Writer's Division Mailing List
Subject: [stylist] Poem - "Archaeology" - First Draft


Hey Most Fab of Blinxes,

Here's my most recent completed poem.  It's probably not to everyone's 
taste, but I feel proud of it, and I think there's a lot of tasty rhyme 
and word play here.  Comments welcome, as always. Poem commences below 
my signature.


--Bill


---

Archaeology

1.

What will they infer from the yellow combs

which kept her sea-dark braids?What deduce?

Will students toeing henceward sands know how joying

fingers loosed those locks to flow like melting

chocolate down her sun-sloped neck?

2.


O suffer doll, your birth from weft of dooms,

your womb of earth as dry as brick

and cry so sharp, as if your ruined skin could win

our tears. And yet bestows, our soul,

a certain lurch to cradle you in stupid arms,

and shake all hurts, all hates, all harms

from infant form. You charlatan, you sham!

But by you, O henceward spade, our heart is played

and sings we are, she is, I am.

3.

All Hail our spire of greening glass,

he's bright of sun, so sky he lights

the moonwise mind.O rocketstone

you tower bridging stars to earth, O dog

of rock, you ship of rains,anchor down

and root, some splendid pine, that students hoisting

henceward spades may sweat and sing to know

your joyful vaults, so rich and dark

the basement floor of heaven's park,

thou trumpet played by time.



_______________________________________________
Writers Division web site
http://writers.nfb.org/
stylist mailing list
stylist at nfbnet.org http://nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/stylist_nfbnet.org
To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for
stylist:
http://nfbnet.org/mailman/options/stylist_nfbnet.org/bpollpeter%40hotmai
l.com