[stylist] BP Sharing writing

[Bridgit Pollpeter via stylist]

You also don't want to repeat other words too much either. Figure could
easily be over-used as well. To me, "they" and "their" are less
innocuous than using figure, or some other word, over and over.
Something to revisit and revise though.

Bridgit

-----Original Message-----
From: stylist [mailto:stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Barbara
HAMMEL via stylist
Sent: Tuesday, May 27, 2014 3:12 PM
To: Chris Kuell; Writer's Division Mailing List
Subject: Re: [stylist] BP Sharing writing


Now that you mention it, Iagree that "it" probably would work better.

Sent from my iPhone

> On May 27, 2014, at 12:14 PM, "Chris Kuell via stylist" 
> <stylist at nfbnet.org> wrote:
> 
> Hi Bridgit,
> 
> In the following passage you use 'a figure' two times, conveying a 
> single person or entity. But then you use 'they' and 'their', which I 
> understand because you don't know the gender or even species, but 
> still I find the plural form offputting. It's probably just me, but I 
> thought I'd mention it. You might consider using 'it' or 'the figure' 
> or 'the person' or something that suits you.
> 
> Twenty-feet in front of me, a figure strides
> towards me. My heart pounds and I glance around, nervous, looking for 
> an escape. This is just a dream, so I can wake myself. I've done it 
> before. I do it every time I have this dream.
> 
> The figure approaches. They are wearing a cloak with a hood that hides

> their face.
> 
> I do understand your use of color, and you do tell us early on that 
> 'this world gleems with brilliance' and 'technicolor' and too radiant 
> to be real' and iridescent'. It just jumped out to me that your 
> descriptions focused on color, which is fine, since it's a dream world

> that you are creating.
> 
> As to where you are going with it--I guess I'll have to wait and see.
> 
> chris
> 
> 
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