[stylist] BP Sharing writing

[Barbara HAMMEL via stylist]

Now that you mention it, Iagree that "it" probably would work better.

Sent from my iPhone

> On May 27, 2014, at 12:14 PM, "Chris Kuell via stylist" <stylist at nfbnet.org> wrote:
> 
> Hi Bridgit,
> 
> In the following passage you use 'a figure' two times, conveying a single person or entity. But then you use 'they' and 'their', which I understand because you don't know the gender or even species, but still I find the plural form offputting. It's probably just me, but I thought I'd mention it. You might consider using 'it' or 'the figure' or 'the person' or something that suits you.
> 
> Twenty-feet in front of me, a figure strides
> towards me. My heart pounds and I glance around, nervous, looking for an
> escape. This is just a dream, so I can wake myself. I've done it before.
> I do it every time I have this dream.
> 
> The figure approaches. They are wearing a cloak with a hood that hides
> their face.
> 
> I do understand your use of color, and you do tell us early on that 'this world gleems with brilliance' and 'technicolor' and too radiant to be real' and iridescent'. It just jumped out to me that your descriptions focused on color, which is fine, since it's a dream world that you are creating.
> 
> As to where you are going with it--I guess I'll have to wait and see.
> 
> chris
> 
> 
> _______________________________________________
> Writers Division web site
> http://writers.nfb.org/
> stylist mailing list
> stylist at nfbnet.org
> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/stylist_nfbnet.org
> To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for stylist:
> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/options/stylist_nfbnet.org/poetlori8%40msn.com