[stylist] Angel Eyes-Something different Please critique

[Chris Kuell]

Hi Michael,

This was an interesting story, and I enjoyed the read. As for a critique, my
general thoughts are that you should trim it up a bit. Many of your
sentences have more words than they need, which slows the reading. Look out
for redundancies, and trim them. I get it--she has lots of degrees and
letters--you don't need to keep telling us that. You should review your
rules for commas and semi-colons, then go through this piece again and
correct them. Personally, I'm not a fan of the semi-colon, and if one is
required, I generally try to rewrite the sentence so it's no longer needed.
Finally, I'd suggest moving what she sees in his eyes to earlier on in the
story. You do finally get to it, but I wanted to know what it was much
earlier.

Good luck with this one.

Chris