[stylist] writer or write not

Wed Aug 5 14:16:18 UTC 2015

Eva,
What you say is so true. I felt drawn into a circle of caring people who
protected me from feeling isolated and even guilty though I could only
speculate  on the reasons why.
Now, I am encouraged to keep participating and will know that my, sometime,
off the wall thoughts will not offend. I sometimes over-react to extended
religious or political tomes, and want to respond in kind. but again, I
realize  that comes from childhood conditioning and is always something to
be tested, questioned and to me, that is the time to write a poem or a story
about it. 
In this mode, one can truly understand the value, motive, and the deep
feelings about one's belief system without feeling "preached " to about it,
or the built-in judgementalism.
And so I am cutting and pasting in a poem I have just entered in the League
of Minnesota contest. A first in sharing something that has not been
published before, because I trust all of you.

7.  Helen Papas Memorial Award			Jacqueline Williams
1431 W. 7th Pl.
								Mesa, AZ
85201

jackieleepoet at cox.net
								Nonmember of
LOMP

An Ever-present Past

Strange that I became your mother in my teens 
until I was a mother to my own. 
Though miles away and years apart, I never cut the cord.
Not many knew I lived through you 
and felt that I could do as well as you in art and poetry, 
if I could find the key I thought you'd left for me.

I came to be the slow and measured child. 
I was your trusted friend, and dreamed with you- 
your lap, my haven in our house of disarray. 
Held tight, you painted with your other hand, 
made me a part of your creations.
I turned away from stirrings in my youth. 
With talents running wild, I knew a competition could ensue. 

You had your way at home with all the dangers, joys and its birdsongs.
I did not shed my daughterhood. I fumbled for a way 
to share your crumbling life by being there  in later years.
Your last deluded nightmare caused a pain I can't forget.

I keep you close remembering the ride, the moving in and out- 
a boat that seeks the shore in some wild tide.
Your recitations, as a poet with no sight,  brought gasps.
One hand would grasp the finger of the other,  prod each line 
until a stanza was complete. Your memory tool. 

They say I must let go and auction off your photographs,
the paintings, written words, the thoughts that only you could know 
about yourself-and still unread or said by me.

Mother, my guide, for months I stroked the velvet of your face. 
Now I find no place to hide or fill your space. 
I slept on your couch, the one you did not want to leave at night.
I cannot exorcise the memory of your final fight 
when you felt exiled to the bedroom where your terrors laid in wait.

(stanza break)
As one of three inheritors, I am the keeper of your name.

"They" do not know the time it takes to heal an amputated limb.    
With your life gone to me, will I be able to exist alone?
Will I be me without the you I knew, or just another name?

I must reject your saintly brother saying you would go to Hell.
I will not tolerate the ones who preached to you-not knowing you-
a grain of sand, the irritant to family who would isolate you well.
A rare pearl grew in the oyster shell of your home's cold hell.

In life, no one could buy or sell your need. In death, 
you do belong to us, no auctioneer, no highest bidder for the self
you left to me. I only trust the ones who shed an honest tear.

Now I write and read and write becoming strong-
directing  life, and so I finally understand 
why no one thing diverted you from your applause.
No pain or disappointment hides from self 
intent on dissipating all and finding cause. 
>From paper, pen, how can a wonderment of thought stay hidden long.

No doubt you look down from a potpourri of clouds, the blue, and say,
 "You know, at last, the dangers, joys, and sounds of my birdsongs."

Jackie Lee

Time is the school in which we learn.
Time is the fire in which we burn.
Delmore Schwartz	 

-----Original Message-----
From: stylist [mailto:stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of EvaMarie
Sanchez via stylist
Sent: Tuesday, August 04, 2015 12:59 PM
To: Writer's Division Mailing List
Cc: EvaMarie Sanchez
Subject: [stylist] writer or write not

Earlier Jackie posted her feelings after receiving a letter saying she was
being removed from the list serve. Sure it was not real and nothing to
worry about, but how would she have known that? More important, it does not
matter. Negativity upsets people. That is human nature. And because of this
email, a special lady, a friend to many was upset.
Did it stop there though? No, not at all. There were numberous responses to
her trying to find solutions, trying to reasure her and wanting justice for
the act that caused the pain. So I ask, why did so many of us quickly
respond?
The answer comes in the manner of which this list serve opperates. It is a
list serve for writers about writing, but we also tend to discuss life here
on a ffrequent occurrance. This sometimes bothers some that only want the
subjects to pertain to writing, but writing is about life and friendship as
well. If we do not have the chance to grow as people, we do not make the
connections that provide for that growth. Yes, it is a paradox, but what
isn't? And if we do not make those connections, we do not learn to care.
We cared about Jackie, because of the time we have spent on this list with
her and I am sure that there have been many many relationships built here
over the years.
I stand by what I had previously said about keeping off topic things down
so that we do not offend anyone, but we must also feel we could talk. In
the conversaitions over the past week or so, I have only seen one thing
that was offensive (and this came in after the warning), but I have seen a
lot of camaraderie. I am proud to be a part of this group and hope that you
all feel proud of who you are here as well.
We, in the Writers' Division and on this list serve, are never alone.
Eve Sanchez
 President, National Federation of the Blind Northern Arizona
President, National Federation of the Blind Writers' Division
Committee Chair, Arizona Association of Guide Dog Users
Affiliate Member, National Federation of the Blind Legislative Committee
Affiliate Member, National Federation of the Blind Membership Committee
Member, Slate & Style Editing Team

"You do not need to have vision to see the stars."
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