[stylist] My first nonrhyming Goth poem,God Is Dead

[Jackie Williams]

Sem,
I think this is a great poem. I do not think you have to worry about whether
a poem rhymes or does not. You have tackled a big idea, gotten the ball, and
run with it for a touchdown.
It is such an emotionally strong poem that it almost takes the breath away.
I alsothink it qualifies as an ars poetica, though perhaps with no positive
conclusion as how to cope with the tremendously powerful feelings you have
portrayed. Some lines I like:
"They are ungrateful children of The Muses and of The Poetry God."
"At my feet lie the mangled decaying forgotten bodies of long dead poets."
trually, there are no lines I do not like, but a few questions.
Why is your by line not yourself? By Ciaran Corby
"madness and mundane,"would sound better to me as just "mad" and mundane.
"drivel trash art" might benefit from commas separating these words.
"mangled decaying forgotten bodies" is perhaps too many adjectives. I liked
the line, but the experts advise against using more than one or possibly two
adjectives, saying that it weakens the noun.
I would not take the time to do this if I did not think this is a powerful
poem.
I look forward to more from you.

Jackie Lee

Time is the school in which we learn.
Time is the fire in which we burn.
Delmore Schwartz	 

-----Original Message-----
From: stylist [mailto:stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Semirhage via
stylist
Sent: Monday, August 17, 2015 9:30 PM
To: Writers' Division Mailing List
Cc: Semirhage
Subject: [stylist] My first nonrhyming Goth poem,God Is Dead


God Is Dead
By Ciaran Corby

Retching, I bend under the  weight of words,
confusing and ponderous as they assault my ears.
They are empty with no essence, madness and mundane.
They are ungrateful children of The Muses and of The Poetry God.
At my feet lie the mangled decaying forgotten bodies of long dead poets.
Bent under the weight of drivel trash art, I slit my own poetic throat.
A sacrifice to the dead god, my blood mingling with the bodies of greats.
_______________________________________________
Writers Division web site
http://writers.nfb.org/
stylist mailing list
stylist at nfbnet.org
http://nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/stylist_nfbnet.org
To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for
stylist:
http://nfbnet.org/mailman/options/stylist_nfbnet.org/jackieleepoet%40cox.net