[stylist] The Jacuzzi Event by Old Blind Mike! For fun!

[tickpub at juno.com]

The Italian Jacuzzi Marinating Event!
 
Another adventure from the annals of Old Blind Mike.
 
Our family was trying to get ready for visiting guests that were soon to
arrive. Two of my assigned tasks were; clean up the family Jacuzzi and
get it ready to use and I was to marinate up a bunch of lamb chops with
my special combination of rich aromatic spices and really top grade
powders
and not withstanding, things like this could happen to any of us
near blind folks
right? 
 
My lovely, well-organized wife informed me that just that morning, she
had filled the Jacuzzi with new water and had adjusted the chemical
balance just right and for me to test the temperature and clean up
everything else in the area. She added, “And don’t mess things up, we
ain’t got no more water chemicals to balance things out.”
 
By the afternoon, I was in the middle of my great marinating task when I
remembered her orders on checking the temperature and thought to go take
a look. 
 
So you readers thoroughly understand the event described herein, realize
I was under the influence of unpaid debt, having to listen to serious
teen arguments and still worried about unresolved computer frustrations.
My emotional state was in one of those lack-luster moods and I did not
know which way it was going to go.  With further requests coming my way
from my Lovely, I entered into a wife challenge daze. I stepped out back
still carrying one large premixed (my specialty) bottle of garlic and
onion powder blend. Zip, our ugly yard cat flashed into the house and I
now spent ten minutes coaxing it back, finally using a lamb chop in its
persuasion. Now my concoction of incredible spices was not one of these
little table shakers but a full on quart sized container with a screw on
lid
and it was full. But why I had it with me is still a mystery.  
 
I saw that the Jacuzzi lid was closed.  Setting the large container off
to one side, I opened the Jacuzzi cover to see how it was doing. Oh boy,
it looked good, bubbling and clean and couldn’t wait to get in.  When
that gurgling water splashed up at me, I remembered that we had several
jars of menthol crystals that we used to scent the hot bubbling waters.
We kept them on the inside fence and as I was looking for them I was
sidetracked with a temperature gadget and a fast stumble over a kids toy.
In my negligence, I somehow managed to switch the menthol crystals with
the same size bottle of garlic and onion powder and yes, I had poured in
half a bottle when the pungent scent of garlic and onion began bubbling
up into my nostrils!
 
I know, I know, how stupid can one person get. I should have taken a
closer smell of the bottle before dumping its contents into that fresh
hot bubbling pool of healing.
 
O wow, what a scent, it was rather delicious until I realized that this
potent flavor was now gushing through my Jacuzzi pipes, into the filter
and out again as my wife’s newly balanced water became one giant garlic
and onion soup mix. 
 
Our Jacuzzi was now a frothing formula of Italian fumeatorium smells and
Oh no, I cried out, “Sheeet, my wife is gonna kill me!" 
 
Oh wow, there was no way of hiding this one, the Jacuzzi was bubbling hot
and inviting and omitting a very powerful garlic onion flavor into the
surrounding area. Even the Italian dogs in the neighborhood started
barking and going nuts. I thought fast and hard, and dashed into the
house and grabbed a bottle of lemon juice and dumped it into the bubbling
bar-b-q brew. I thought that the lemon might neutralize the garlic and
onion scent---and give me some credit, it did help a little. 
 
I thought this could be a great thing if I had only invited over 1000
people for a spaghetti dinner, I’d only have to add spaghetti and I’d
have some really great tasting noodles. There was nothing to do but let
it circulate a little and went back into the house to finish my work with
preparing the meats for tonight's Bar-B-Q dinner. O my, in the mean time
my youngest daughter and her young guest came in from the back and
without telling me, decided to get into the Jacuzzi, and o wow, they came
out smelling like a garlic factory from the heart of Italy. 
 
Before my wife came forth and discovered the disaster, I tried washing
them off but the bubbling waters seemed to have cooked them into
permanent Shilling Representatives and to tell you the truth, if they had
been bar-B-Q, they would have smelled great.
 
Hey, maybe I managed to invent a brand new body scent. I am sure that
aroma would have drawn the men and boys by the dozens, sniffing their way
to a loaf of garlic bread served with some spaghetti. I will let you come
up with some fancy name and we'll market it together.
 
The big troubles came my way when my lovely wife soon discovered that her
lovely little darling smelled like a fresh plowed field of garlic and
onions and it wasn’t funny. For she was supposed to spend the night at
friends but in no way could we send her there smelling like the Shilling
Company! And what the heck was our friends going to say about sending
their daughter home, “crying” and smelling like the inside of a
garlic-onion bottle?
 
We had to flush the tub several times and run vinegar through the system.
Hey, the only thing missing was the salad and bread sticks! I told my
wife to maybe bake up a ton of cheese and garlic bread and we could sit
around the Jacuzzi, experiencing Italy in its fullness. However, we would
first have to serve at least a gallon of red wine to our guests, before
sitting down to our patio dinner around the Jacuzzi. 
 
That evening, before my wife went into some crazy excuse to our guests
for her lame brain husband, I stepped up and as they were sniffing the
air, I told them that we were going Italian full on, just for them!
 
I did survive! However, it was several months before any one dared get
back into that spaghetti-garlic-onion caldron!
 
Michael M. Tickenoff
Saturday July 23, 2005

TickPub Thanks You,
All The Best And More,
Regards And Respect From Michael!
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