[stylist] Poem - "Admirals" - Firstish Draft

[Finefrock, Melissa]

Hi, Bill,

I totally do the same thing with my own poetry. I freewrite a lot and tend 
to finish with the lucky first draft, but every once in a while, there's a 
poem that just drives me nuts because it doesn't seem quite right. Sometimes 
I just wait a few days and then find that all the clarification that was 
needed in order to make it a stronger piece was an actually simple adverb. 
As to your poem in particular, I hadn't responded yet because I've been 
giving it some thought and deciding what it means for me (still am; some 
pieces do that). I think the abrupt-ish ending might not work for some, but 
it might work for others. Poetry is weird like that, sometimes, despite my 
loving it. So, in the end, you'll just have to decide what works for you, I 
think ... and waiting for the paint to dry, as you so keenly put it, should 
help with that decision. There's nothing wrong with micropoetry, though, to 
be sure. Sometimes some of my poems are no longer than seven lines, but they 
are by no means incomplete, save maybe in the eyes of an individual who 
enjoys longer, epic-style poems.  But sometimes a lot can be said in a few 
words. Good luck!

Mel

-----Original Message----- 
From: William L Houts via stylist
Sent: Wednesday, January 07, 2015 10:10 AM
To: Chris Kuell ; 'Writers' Division Mailing List'
Subject: Re: [stylist] Poem - "Admirals" - Firstish Draft



HI Chris,

Thanks for giving this a read.  It does seem a little brief to me, but
in general I like it.  You have that keen editor's nose, though, as I've
been wondering about the concluding "true" myself, liking it on one read
and grinding my teeth at the nexst.  In cases like these, I've decided
that the poem prospers from a period of letting the paint dry for a week
or so and seeing how I feel about it then, when the pride of creation
doesn't get in the way of being a cruel bastard if the poem needs it.
In the meantime, I get on with writing other poems instead of wringing
my hands over the one.

Anyway, thanks as always.



regards,

Bill






On 1/7/2015 7:55 AM, Chris Kuell wrote:
> Hi Bill,
>
> This poem does strike me as a firstish draft, but I like it. I see 
> potential
> here. It's an accessible poem to we non-poets, yet it's not in-your-face
> obvious--it still requires thought and contemplation.
> I understand why you ended with 'we true', but even so, it struck me when 
> I
> was reading as too abrupt. Does 'the true' work for you?
>
> Thanks for sharing,
>
> Chris
>


-- 


"Oh, Sophie!  Whyfore have you eated all de cheeldren?"


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