[stylist] Poem - "Admirals" - Firstish Draft

[William L Houts]

HI Chris,

Thanks for giving this a read.  It does seem a little brief to me, but 
in general I like it.  You have that keen editor's nose, though, as I've 
been wondering about the concluding "true" myself, liking it on one read 
and grinding my teeth at the nexst.  In cases like these, I've decided 
that the poem prospers from a period of letting the paint dry for a week 
or so and seeing how I feel about it then, when the pride of creation 
doesn't get in the way of being a cruel bastard if the poem needs it.  
In the meantime, I get on with writing other poems instead of wringing 
my hands over the one.

Anyway, thanks as always.



regards,

Bill






On 1/7/2015 7:55 AM, Chris Kuell wrote:
> Hi Bill,
>
> This poem does strike me as a firstish draft, but I like it. I see potential
> here. It's an accessible poem to we non-poets, yet it's not in-your-face
> obvious--it still requires thought and contemplation.
> I understand why you ended with 'we true', but even so, it struck me when I
> was reading as too abrupt. Does 'the true' work for you?
>
> Thanks for sharing,
>
> Chris
>    
>


-- 


"Oh, Sophie!  Whyfore have you eated all de cheeldren?"