[stylist] Poem - "The Relevance of Thunder" - Final Draft (Maybe)

Sat Jul 11 16:47:52 UTC 2015

Bill,

Sorry, I did not see a reply from you. I must have missed it.

I only spend the effort reading and commenting if I think the material has
potential. I see a lot of promise in your work, often the promise already
being present, and I want to take my time and provide as much insight as I
can provide. I really enjoy reading your poems, so keep it up, smile.

I agree, Chris, Jackie and Robert are generous with their time on Stylist.
Others are equally great at contributing, Donna, Barbara and Rowena come to
mind immediately. So thanks to everyone participating and putting time and
effort into feedback.

Keep writing everyone.

Bridgit

-----Original Message-----
From: stylist [mailto:stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of William L
Houts via stylist
Sent: Friday, July 10, 2015 1:19 PM
To: stylist at nfbnet.org
Cc: William L Houts
Subject: Re: [stylist] Poem - "The Relevance of Thunder" - Final Draft
(Maybe)

HI Jackie Lee,

You are so right about Brigit and her work on my behalf.  I hope that I made
it very clear in my reply just how gracious she has been in her responses,
and how grateful I am in return.  You, too, Jackie, have been very kind in
regards to my poetry and when responses from either of you show up in my
inbox I just can't wait to read what thoughts have crossed your mind.  This
list is generally a haven for the generous, when I consider how much time
and effort that Chris, Robert, Eva, you, Brigit and everyone else here have
spent for each other, I feel honored to have been accepted by this
community. My fondest regards go out to one and all.

--Bill

On 7/10/2015 9:53 AM, Jackie Williams via stylist wrote:
> For Bridgit and Bill,
> What a magnificent critique filled with detail and understanding. You 
> are fortunate, Bill, to have one of our writers take the time to do 
> what she did, and so clearly share her response to your writing.
> I will save my comments for your poem on coffee. I did run the spell 
> check on this reply, and while you get a pass on your invented words, 
> the common error remains, the space between words.
> I agree, keep writing.
> Jackie Lee
>
> Time is the school in which we learn.
> Time is the fire in which we burn.
> Delmore Schwartz	
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: stylist [mailto:stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Bridgit 
> Kuenning-Pollpeter via stylist
> Sent: Thursday, July 09, 2015 11:18 AM
> To: 'Writers' Division Mailing List'
> Cc: Bridgit Kuenning-Pollpeter
> Subject: Re: [stylist] Poem - "The Relevance of Thunder" - Final Draft
> (Maybe)
>
> Bill,
>
> Here are some thoughts after reading this a couple of times.
>
> Hearing hells of thunder, like
> Bridgit: I assume this is a play on words? Instead of bells, you use
hells?
>
> our yellow sun's protest: kicking feet, gagged
> Bridgit: Another play on words with sun? Not entirely sure about 
> connection of sun's protest and kicking feet gagged, unless specific 
> to painting, which I'm not as familiar with
>
> with planets, and bound with the darkest dark matter,
>
> kidnapped and shipped off for feeding
>
> to that blackest of maws, the murderous drain star,
> Bridgit: what, or whom, is the star?
>
> the galaxy's axis and ultimate end:
> Bridgit: Just curious about punctuation choices, notice you often use 
> colons, why over commas or periods? Nothing wrong, just curious
>
> the massive mad throated star spiral's core.
> Bridgit: great imagery here
>
> The notion brings ice to our short-designed spines,
> Bridgit: Like above line, great imagery and can feel that chill up the 
> spine
>
> and yet there's a thrill of myth in it:
> Bridgit: Again, like above line
>
> the grief in Goya's grim father,
> Bridgit: Interesting depiction in above line, read this line quite a 
> few times, like
>
> the Tartarus shock in his eyes: misaligned, mad
> Bridgit: Tartarus is a place, I believe, a place in Hades or 
> something, so not quite sure what tartarus shock means Also, thought 
> misaligned was spelled correctly, but JAWS cannot pronounce it 
> correctly, so double checked spelling, and, for some reason, JAWS just 
> can't say it right, so if anyone else gets tripped up on this, it's 
> spelled correct, JAWS is just stupid, LOL!
>
> as he his own offspring consumes; reversing their birth,
> Bridgit: As he his own offspring is a bit clunky and doesn't really 
> make sense, not to mention is not grammatically correct, otherwise, I 
> like this description
>
> O nature obscened in this wrath backwards dined.
>
> Devour, devour:mouth who preys, mouth which takes in,
>
> unconscious,thoselamps of space, a solar feast,
> Bridgit: Googled thoselamps, and at least for me, no definition came 
> up, what does it mean?
>
> And so we greet the thunder's toll
>
> one part of shudder, one of glee combined:
> Bridgit: again, like the subtle indications that we both love and hate 
> this kind of thing, myth and truth, violence, etc.
>
> cosmic hole and horror's throne dismissed,
>
> our hostage sun released.
>
> Bridgit: As usual, I like how you work to create description and 
> meaning through imagery and metaphor, however, sometimes the word 
> choice doesn't always make sense for me, or I don't connect the 
> metaphors. Playing with diction and phrasing is great and I encourage 
> it, but always have an eye out for tighter control of imagery and 
> metaphor and just use of diction in general, and make sure it's 
> grammatically correct too. Sometimes I think you're stretching to far 
> for this and it doesn't get hit out of the ball park, to use a lame 
> metaphor, LOL! Otherwise, I always enjoy reading your poetry, keep it up.
>
> Bridgit
>
>
>
>
>

-- 

"Oh, Sophie!  Whyfore have you eated all de cheeldren?"

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