[stylist] Poem - "The Relevance of Thunder" - Final Draft (Maybe)

[William L Houts]

HI Jackie Lee,

You are so right about Brigit and her work on my behalf.  I hope that I 
made it very clear in my reply just how gracious she has been in her 
responses, and how grateful I am in return.  You, too, Jackie, have been 
very kind in regards to my poetry and when responses from either of you 
show up in my inbox I just can't wait to read what thoughts have crossed 
your mind.  This list is generally a haven for the generous, when I 
consider how much time and effort that Chris, Robert, Eva, you, Brigit 
and everyone else here have spent for each other, I feel honored to have 
been accepted by this community. My fondest regards go out to one and all.


--Bill



On 7/10/2015 9:53 AM, Jackie Williams via stylist wrote:
> For Bridgit and Bill,
> What a magnificent critique filled with detail and understanding. You are
> fortunate, Bill, to have one of our writers take the time to do what she
> did, and so clearly share her response to your writing.
> I will save my comments for your poem on coffee. I did run the spell check
> on this reply, and while you get a pass on your invented words, the common
> error remains, the space between words.
> I agree, keep writing.
> Jackie Lee
>
> Time is the school in which we learn.
> Time is the fire in which we burn.
> Delmore Schwartz	
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: stylist [mailto:stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Bridgit
> Kuenning-Pollpeter via stylist
> Sent: Thursday, July 09, 2015 11:18 AM
> To: 'Writers' Division Mailing List'
> Cc: Bridgit Kuenning-Pollpeter
> Subject: Re: [stylist] Poem - "The Relevance of Thunder" - Final Draft
> (Maybe)
>
> Bill,
>
> Here are some thoughts after reading this a couple of times.
>
> Hearing hells of thunder, like
> Bridgit: I assume this is a play on words? Instead of bells, you use hells?
>
> our yellow sun's protest: kicking feet, gagged
> Bridgit: Another play on words with sun? Not entirely sure about connection
> of sun's protest and kicking feet gagged, unless specific to painting, which
> I'm not as familiar with
>
> with planets, and bound with the darkest dark matter,
>
> kidnapped and shipped off for feeding
>
> to that blackest of maws, the murderous drain star,
> Bridgit: what, or whom, is the star?
>
> the galaxy's axis and ultimate end:
> Bridgit: Just curious about punctuation choices, notice you often use
> colons, why over commas or periods? Nothing wrong, just curious
>
> the massive mad throated star spiral's core.
> Bridgit: great imagery here
>
> The notion brings ice to our short-designed spines,
> Bridgit: Like above line, great imagery and can feel that chill up the spine
>
> and yet there's a thrill of myth in it:
> Bridgit: Again, like above line
>
> the grief in Goya's grim father,
> Bridgit: Interesting depiction in above line, read this line quite a few
> times, like
>
> the Tartarus shock in his eyes: misaligned, mad
> Bridgit: Tartarus is a place, I believe, a place in Hades or something, so
> not quite sure what tartarus shock means
> Also, thought misaligned was spelled correctly, but JAWS cannot pronounce it
> correctly, so double checked spelling, and, for some reason, JAWS just can't
> say it right, so if anyone else gets tripped up on this, it's spelled
> correct, JAWS is just stupid, LOL!
>
> as he his own offspring consumes; reversing their birth,
> Bridgit: As he his own offspring is a bit clunky and doesn't really make
> sense, not to mention is not grammatically correct, otherwise, I like this
> description
>
> O nature obscened in this wrath backwards dined.
>
> Devour, devour:mouth who preys, mouth which takes in,
>
> unconscious,thoselamps of space, a solar feast,
> Bridgit: Googled thoselamps, and at least for me, no definition came up,
> what does it mean?
>
> And so we greet the thunder's toll
>
> one part of shudder, one of glee combined:
> Bridgit: again, like the subtle indications that we both love and hate this
> kind of thing, myth and truth, violence, etc.
>
> cosmic hole and horror's throne dismissed,
>
> our hostage sun released.
>
> Bridgit: As usual, I like how you work to create description and meaning
> through imagery and metaphor, however, sometimes the word choice doesn't
> always make sense for me, or I don't connect the metaphors. Playing with
> diction and phrasing is great and I encourage it, but always have an eye out
> for tighter control of imagery and metaphor and just use of diction in
> general, and make sure it's grammatically correct too. Sometimes I think
> you're stretching to far for this and it doesn't get hit out of the ball
> park, to use a lame metaphor, LOL! Otherwise, I always enjoy reading your
> poetry, keep it up.
>
> Bridgit
>
>
>
>
>


-- 


"Oh, Sophie!  Whyfore have you eated all de cheeldren?"