[stylist] New poem--Cane of Cchulhu

Wed Jul 22 17:43:37 UTC 2015

Shawn,

I think this poem has a lot of promise, definitely continue working on it.
The metaphor works really well, and it has strong images.

Readers often take their individual perspective and interpret a story or
poem in a way different from other readers or even the author. But this is
something special, and ultimately, it's a good thing to have readers
pondering your writing enough to consider alternative interpretations. It
means it resonates with them on some level.

Good luck with it.

Bridgit

-----Original Message-----
From: stylist [mailto:stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Jacobson,
Shawn D via stylist
Sent: Wednesday, July 22, 2015 12:14 PM
To: Writers' Division Mailing List
Cc: Jacobson, Shawn D
Subject: Re: [stylist] New poem--Cane of Cchulhu

My thinks to all who read and commented on my latest poem.  I am gratified
to have had such a good reception for my work.

Formwise, the first stanza is a haiku as is the last.  In the middle are
several four-line stanzas that I tried to keep approximately the same
length.  So I guess this is either a haibon or a free verse mess depending
on your take on such things.  It looks like line length is something I will
have do deal with in the refining process.

You have inspired me to work more on this and send it out to a wider
audience.  This is going to be a challenge since there is just so much in
the mix.  There are the elder Gods (who are normal within their own medium
and probably see us as eldritch).  There is the whole area in which high
partials, like me, feel neither fully sighted or fully blind (there used to
be tension in the NFB between the two groups).  There is the whole idea that
alternative techniques (a cane being a good example) can allow us to
function in a world not made for us.  There is the further idea that these
techniques may be a bridge by which beings can function across realms of
existence.  And then there is the idea that we may live in a world also
populated with spiritual beings not like us that we do not properly
perceive.

I didn't explicitly get into the mortality thing.  I do find it interesting
how readers take what we write and run with it to a variety of unlikely
places.

As for brining Azizof into the mix, as Bill suggests, I think that would be
cool.  I just have to figure out how it is done.

Anyway, once again thanks and good reading.

Shawn

-----Original Message-----
From: stylist [mailto:stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Bridgit
Kuenning-Pollpeter via stylist
Sent: Wednesday, July 22, 2015 10:21 AM
To: 'Writers' Division Mailing List'
Cc: Bridgit Kuenning-Pollpeter
Subject: Re: [stylist] New poem--Cane of Cchulhu

The words themselves resonate and have power. That I do not contest. In
fact, this is one of Shawn's best poems, in my opinion, grin. But in terms
of structure and format, for me, the change in line length was a bit
disconcerting, jarring. But I will also say that if I could read this poem
with just the naked eye, I may feel differently. It may be hearing it as
opposed to reading it in print or Braille makes a difference. As an editor,
reading material can also make a difference because you tend to read
everything analytically first, recognizing the  potential and creativity but
also noting the mechanical side of the writing at the same time. And I feel
it's an interesting creative choice with the line length. But over-all, I
really like the poem. Very strong metaphor that is consistent throughout.

Bridgit

-----Original Message-----
From: stylist [mailto:stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of EvaMarie
Sanchez via stylist
Sent: Tuesday, July 21, 2015 10:33 PM
To: Writers' Division Mailing List
Cc: EvaMarie Sanchez
Subject: Re: [stylist] New poem--Cane of Cchulhu

Okay so that is it. The line length did not bother me, because there seemed
to be an increase of energy going on.  It built from the meek little lines
to the all powerful long lines. And then it stopped.
That is where I felt lost, but is that not how our lives seem to be? We
start as meek little babes and grow, hopefully, into powerful adults. And
then suddenly we die.
Yeah, the more I think about it, the more I like it.
Eve

 President, National Federation of the Blind Northern Arizona President,
National Federation of the Blind Writers' Division Committee Chair, Arizona
Association of Guide Dog Users Affiliate Member, National Federation of the
Blind Legislative Committee Affiliate Member, National Federation of the
Blind Membership Committee Member, Slate & Style Editing Team

"You do not need to have vision to see the stars."

On Tue, Jul 21, 2015 at 6:53 PM, Barbara HAMMEL via stylist <
stylist at nfbnet.org> wrote:

> That bothered me, too. They were short lines and then for no rhyme or 
> reason they grew twice as long. It made me stop and have to gather 
> myself back into the poem when I noticed it.
> Barbara
>
> Sent from my iPhone
>
> > On Jul 21, 2015, at 14:36, Bridgit Kuenning-Pollpeter via stylist <
> stylist at nfbnet.org> wrote:
> >
> > Shawn,
> >
> > Interesting poem. I like the metaphor you have going. Curious, what 
> > type
> of
> > poem is this? The line length changes towards end, wondering about
> format.
> >
> > Bridgit
> >
> > -----Original Message-----
> > From: stylist [mailto:stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of 
> > Jacobson, Shawn D via stylist
> > Sent: Tuesday, July 21, 2015 1:52 PM
> > To: Writer's Division Mailing List (stylist at nfbnet.org)
> > Cc: Jacobson, Shawn D
> > Subject: [stylist] New poem--Cane of Cchulhu
> >
> > OK
> >
> > I got tired of being blocked, so decided to scribble down a poem for 
> > what it's worth.
> >
> > And here it is.
> >
> > Shawn
> >
> > Cane of Cchulhu
> >
> > Surely elder gods
> > who dwell in deepest darkness
> > do not walk by sight
> >
> > Cchulhu it is said
> > lives in utter darkness
> > in stygian caves or lightless voids
> > in realms beyond the ken of man.
> >
> > And so what would this creature know of light to it as alien as is
> blindness
> > to those who see and trust in sight alone happy in their normal 
> > suppositions.
> >
> > So should Cchulhu walk our mundane ground what then could help to
> navigate
> > our ways a cane perhaps to help him on his way through the 
> > intricacies of the lands we take for granted.
> >
> > And what then of this soul,
> > nether living in sight or blindness
> > surrounded by a mighty unseen host
> > by Gods and monsters alien to my nature.
> >
> > Then should I seek Cchulhu's cane.
> > So as to walk with barrowed confidence, the ways of light and 
> > darkness all of the worlds in which I dwell.
> >
> > I do not walk by sight
> > for I to live in darkness
> > in need of guidance.
> >
> > _______________________________________________
> > Writers Division web site
> > http://writers.nfb.org/
> > stylist mailing list
> > stylist at nfbnet.org
> > http://nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/stylist_nfbnet.org
> > To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info 
> > for
> > stylist:
> >
> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/options/stylist_nfbnet.org/bkpollpeter%40gma
> il.com
> >
> >
> > _______________________________________________
> > Writers Division web site
> > http://writers.nfb.org/
> > stylist mailing list
> > stylist at nfbnet.org
> > http://nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/stylist_nfbnet.org
> > To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info 
> > for
> stylist:
> > http://nfbnet.org/mailman/options/stylist_nfbnet.org/poetlori8%40msn
> > .com
>
> _______________________________________________
> Writers Division web site
> http://writers.nfb.org/
> stylist mailing list
> stylist at nfbnet.org
> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/stylist_nfbnet.org
> To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for
> stylist:
> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/options/stylist_nfbnet.org/3rdeyeonly%40gmai
> l.com
>
_______________________________________________
Writers Division web site
http://writers.nfb.org/
stylist mailing list
stylist at nfbnet.org
http://nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/stylist_nfbnet.org
To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for
stylist:
http://nfbnet.org/mailman/options/stylist_nfbnet.org/bkpollpeter%40gmail.com

_______________________________________________
Writers Division web site
http://writers.nfb.org/
stylist mailing list
stylist at nfbnet.org
http://nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/stylist_nfbnet.org
To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for
stylist:
http://nfbnet.org/mailman/options/stylist_nfbnet.org/shawn.d.jacobson%40hud.
gov

_______________________________________________
Writers Division web site
http://writers.nfb.org/
stylist mailing list
stylist at nfbnet.org
http://nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/stylist_nfbnet.org
To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for
stylist:
http://nfbnet.org/mailman/options/stylist_nfbnet.org/bkpollpeter%40gmail.com