[stylist] Novel excerpt

[Alyssa Frierson]

Hi, Chris.
Thanks so much for all your feedback. More soon.

Alyssa

On 8/6/16, Chris Kuell  via stylist <stylist at nfbnet.org> wrote:
> Hi Alyssa,
>
> This reads well, and I like how you introduced a note of tension at the end
> of chapter 1. It reads okay as is, but always be aware that it is better to
> show than tell.
>
> A  couple of other notes:
>
> Olivia jumped when she heard brakes screech outside the only window in the
> shoe box-sized apartment she shared with Paige.- I think you could use a
> transitional word or two before this sentence. The reader was in the diner
> with her, then suddenly we're in her apartment.
>
> Obviously, they should be selling CDs at the table, so perhaps Olivia should
> be thinking about how much money they will need before they can record and
> burn CDs to sell alongside the photos.
>
> Again, nice job with the introduction of tension at the end of the chapter
> with the red-headed mystery woman. If Olivia really might be interested, you
> might use a few more words on how she sees her--shapely legs, a creamy neck,
> coppery red curls--words that convey she looks really good to Olivia.
>
> Thanks for sharing.
>
> Chris
>
>
>
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