[stylist] {Spam?} Space Friends Indeed, Chapter 2, 1218 words

Mon May 9 14:06:43 UTC 2016

You do a good job of providing information in dialogue. Sometimes, when done
in narration, it drags the story down, but when doing in dialogue, it makes
sense characters would discuss these things, and it's less cumbersome. When
possible, include information about plot or characters or necessary info in
dialogue or action.

Several times in chapter one and now two, you mention Minnie's hologram
face. I don't think you need to constantly repeat her face is a hologram
because you establish it the first time we meet her, so to continue to
describe it becomes redundant.

With the dialogue, there's often large chunks a character speaks. It's good
to break up large sections of dialogue with action. Don't make it
superfluous-- it still should drive plot forward and/or work to
characterize, but attribute some action to the characters as they speak.
This is another good way to provide info without "telling" in the narration.

Bridgit

-----Original Message-----
From: stylist [mailto:stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of John J. Boyer
via stylist
Sent: Sunday, May 08, 2016 10:07 PM
To: stylist at nfbnet.org
Cc: John J. Boyer <john at godtouches.org>
Subject: [stylist] {Spam?} Space Friends Indeed, Chapter 2, 1218 words

Many thanks for the critiques I received for Chapter 1. I am revising the
chapter with them in mind. Hopefully Chapter 2 will also merit reading and
critiquing.

---------------------------------
SPACE FRIENDS INDEED: Chapter 2

   After a short silence Kathy said, "I'm not sure I really believe in
premonitions and hunches, but there's something very odd about this whole
thing. They say
   that they were asked to come to our aid. Who asked them?"

   "Yes, and even if they are another race of sentient beings, are they just
pretending to be our friends."

   "Friends or not, this could be the greatest thing for astrobiology. There
are a lot of other unanswered questions. For one, how do they know all our
languages?
   For another, why hasn't this so-called spaceship been seen before if it's
so big?"

   "Well, said David, "We've been pouring out radio and television signals
for more than a hundred years and communicating with spacecraft for nearly
as long. The
   object is in an uninteresting-looking patch of sky, and it didn't attract
attention to itself until a little while ago."

   Kathy realized that the baby had fallen asleep and texted Minnie to take
the child to the nursery. The robot came and took the baby with a tender
smile on her
   holographic face. David asked her to return to the radio room. She
reported that Bob would not give up his phone and go to sleep. Kathy went to
deal with the
   situation.

   It was long past Anne's bedtime, but neither parent mentioned it. She was
certainly too excited to get any sleep.

   Minnie came back and took her place in the special chair that David had
designed. It had charging coils in the seat which were activated by her
weight. And it
   had safety belts, so she wouldn't fall out if she was put in computer
mode. After all, she was by far the most powerful computer in the house.

   Kathy returned looking thoughtful. "Davy," she said, "we've got to get
one of the big telescopes on that thing. We need a spectrum. If it's really
that big it
   must have considerable gravity. It may even have an atmosphere. A
spectrum would tell us a lot."

   "Right. Maybe some of your colleagues could do something."

   "I'll talk to the astronomers at the University. Most of them are
analyzing data. Only a couple are at observatories now. Professor Thompson
is a good friend and
   heads the astronomy department. He may be able to pull some strings."

   "It's late, but I don't think this can wait." said David. "It's night in
this hemisphere. A good time for observing. But it'll be tough to preempt
anyone who has
   time on a big scope this night."

   "Tough is right, but I'll try."

   Kathy began dialing her phone and talking animatedly. Responses were
initially grumpy, but when she could persuade someone to look at the star
with binoculars
   they became excited. Professor Thompson said he would see what he could
do and call back.

   Sleep was finally overcoming Anne. Kathy led her to her room and put her
to bed.

   David asked Minnie to bring coffee for the two of them. She returned in a
few minutes with a steaming pot, two cups and some energy bars.

   While they were pouring their coffee Professor Thompson called back.
Kathy activated her speakerphone.

   Dr. Thompson said< "As expected, the big telescopes, both on earth and in
space, are booked for months to come. However, we have a 1-meter telescope
that we use
   for educational purposes. It has a fairly good spectrograph. I'm on my
way there now. That will give us a start. To get much information about the
object's
   atmosphere we would need one of the space telescopes. But if we get some
good data NASA or the military may kick someone off."

   "Surely they know about it already," said David.

   "Yes, but we can move faster than they can."

   The baby monitor beeped. They could hear a soft cry. David went to see
what Jenny needed. As he changed her he chuckled, reflecting that his
grandfather wouldn't
   have known how to change a diaper to save his life.

   Back in the radio room they waited. It would be at least an hour before
Dr. Thompson could get back to them. They tried to relax in their chairs.
The coming day
   would be very busy for both of them.

   Finally the call came through. "It certainly looks like a planet. In
fact, it even has a moon. You can download images of both and spectra at our
astronomy
   website. We'll keep on it. In a day or two we can calculate the moon's
orbit. That will tell us the mass of the system. in a month we should be
able to calculate
   the orbit of the planet itself. That will give us its exact distance from
the sun."

   David said "Minnie, Suspend robot mode."

   "Thumbprint please."

   David pressed his thumb against the reader on her temple. She fastened
the chair's safety belts, because the processors that controlled her motor
functions would
   be preempted, and folded her hands in her lap. Her projector showed the
operating system's 3d start screen.

   David began giving commands from his station computer over the encrypted
wireless connection. Minnie downloaded the main image. It was a mottled
disk. It was
   brighter around the edges than it could be expected to be, and the edges
were a bit fuzzy - an indication of atmosphere. When David applied shading
and
   perspective the disk swelled into a half-globe with markings that might
be clouds. A little more than half, because when it was slightly rotated
they could see
   that light from a source behind it was being bent over its horizon by its
atmosphere. Its spectrum was mostly reflected sunlight, but with a blazing
green
   line--the laser.

   Next the moon. It was a featureless sphere even with enhancements, except
for tiny dark spots, hardly more than single pixels, that were spaced
regularly in what
   seemed to be part of a circle. It appeared to be made of polished metal.

   Kathy asked to see the enhanced image of the planet again. After studying
it for a moment she said: "From the amount of sunlight it's getting its
temperature
   must be well below 100 kelvins, colder than Titan. If it is really
inhabited the creatures will have a form of metabolism that is completely
new to us. At that
   temperature it would be very slow."

   David said: "Well there are electronic devices that function nicely at
those temperatures, and the mechanicals could be worked out. Remember the
speculations
   about a life form consisting of hives of robots. Some members would have
the job of repairing others. Some would make new robots. When the hive
wanted to
   reproduce it would swarm like bees."

   "Interesting. But how would something like that get started? Of course we
don't know how life on Earth got started."

   "Really?"

   "Yes. With great effort we can build simple cells from scratch, but that
proves nothing. We weren't around when such cells first came into
existence."

   Kathy called Professor Thompson and described their findings. He asked
that the enhanced image be uploaded and gave the credentials.

   David instructed Minnie to perform the upload and commanded her to store
the enhanced image and resume robot mode.

   She unfastened the safety belts, looked around, and asked, "Do you want
more coffee?"

   They shook their heads. "We want to get some sleep." said Kathy.

--
John J. Boyer, Executive Director,
GodTouches Digital Ministry, Inc.
Email: john at godtouches.org
Website: http://www.godtouches.org
Location: Madison, Wisconsin, USA
Mission: To promote universalPeace, Love and Service

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