[stylist] {Spam?} first chapter to share

[debby]

Vejas, if somebody told me that my writing oh whatever needs improvement, and they are a total stranger, I would be very offended. Perhaps I don't take criticism well, but I think it's mostly that I don't take criticism from strangers well. Or even people who I'm not very close to. I don't mind being asked questions most of the time, and I know how to put on my snotty attitude if I don't feel like talking and someone persists.     Debby

On Oct 9, 2016 2:55 PM, Vejas via stylist <stylist at nfbnet.org> wrote:
>
> I have found that there are these who ask about blindness because they are curious, and these who tread carefully and act like they don't want to offend, which is what I've seen in more cases. Usually I find it's little kids that are more open to asking. What I find interesting, and I know I am digressing, but there are a lot of people who talk awkwardly to a blind person and make no effort to hide it, like "Uhh, I really don't want to offend you but umm, uhh, your writing needs improvement" just an example. 
> Vejas 
>
> > On Oct 9, 2016, at 14:09, Chris Kuell via stylist <stylist at nfbnet.org> wrote: 
> > 
> > Hi Tessa, 
> > 
> > This is a really good first chapter. Your pacing is good, Fran is an 
> > interesting character, plus a competent blind woman, which naturally appeals 
> > to readers like me. You use enough details without overdoing it, and have 
> > set up an intriguing mystery, which leaves readers wanting to turn the page. 
> > So, really good job. 
> > 
> > A couple other comments. You have her thinking she didn't tell her employer 
> > she was blind either 2 or 3 times, which is repetitive and unnecessary. When 
> > she gets off the bus, she takes Ruby by her leash, but wouldn't that be her 
> > harness? You hyphenate email, and while I'm no expert, I think the way it is 
> > currently done is with no hyphen. 
> > 
> > I noticed that neither the bus station attendant or his friend asked her 
> > about her blindness. While I understand not wanting to focus on her 
> > blindness, this might be a good spot to 'show' her explaining it. In other 
> > words, in a few sentences she could tell the driver about what she can and 
> > can't see, rather than using internal dialogue as you have. Either way is 
> > okay, but it's a thought I've had. Personally, I've found strangers always 
> > ask me about my blindness, how I lost my sight, and so on. And I'll bet they 
> > always ask about guide dogs as well. 
> > 
> > Nice job, and thanks for sharing. 
> > 
> > Chris 
> > 
> > 
> > 
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