[stylist] {Spam?} Re: {Spam?} Re: Novel excerpt

[Chris Kuell]

Hey Alyssa,

This chapter reads well, but the story is starting to drag. Something new needs to happen, either between Olivia and Nicky or somewhere else. We get it--both women are feeling awkward, now somebody has to make a move!   

I didn't find any nit-pics, but I have to ask -- what is the purpose of the first paragraph? As written, it's almost mysterious, as if you ar going to introduce a new character who is watching Paige, but then it's just Olivia and the scene serves no purpose.  

Finally, try to move the action elsewhere. So far we'vee read 4 chapters and all the action has taken place on stage, afterwards at the table, at the diner or in their apartment. New York is a big city with busy sidewalks and Central Park and Times Square and subways and buses and uptown and downtown and on and on. Consider having your characters interact in some of these places. If you aren't familiar with them, just bluff it.

Thanks for sharing.

Chris