[Stylist] First Draft of Apollo 11 Story for Bell Program in August

[Tina Hansen]

You may know that I am working with a small team on a project around the
anniversary of Apollo 11 for our state's BELL program.

 

I've been informed that our audience will be ages 4-12, and the dates of our
program will be August 5-16.

 

Below is my first attempt of trying to recount the Apollo 11 story for this
audience during our presentation. It's not that great, which is why I'm
seeking feedback.

 

Have you ever been issued a challenge? If so, how did you respond to it? Did
you run and hide? Did you find a way to meet it?

 

In 1961, Russia was the first country to send a man into space. Our country
was used to being first at everything, but when Russia launched the first
man into space, we didn't like it. Our president fekt it was time to do
something about it.

 

In May of 1961, President John Kenedy issued this challenge: I believe that
this nation should commit itself to landing a man on the moon and returning
him safely before this decade is out.

 

Our country jumped to the challenge.

 

If you've ever been challenged with a big goal, you know that you need to
get there in baby steps. This is wher Mercury and Gemini came in. These
programs helped find ways to get to the moon. They perfected techniques for
getting one spacecraft to join with another and meet each other in orbit.

 

Finally, on July 16, 1969, Apollo 11 lifted off with Neil Armstrong, uzz
Aldrin and Michael Collins on their way to the moon. Their command ship was
named Columbia, and their lunar landing craft was named Eagle.

 

On July 20, 1969, their two craft separated as Neil Armstrong and Buzz
Aldrin began their exploration of the moon's surface. Mike Collins orbited
above them in Columbia.

 

After preparing their ship, Neil and Buzz began to descend to the moon's
surface. Unfortunately, their onoard computer, which was far less powerful
than your smart phone, but was the est technology of the day, was taking
them to a place they didn't want to go. Neil took over flying the craft.

 

But they were getting low on fuel. Mission Control in Houston warned them of
this, so they did their best to land before their fuel ran out.

 

Luckily, they made it. When the craft landed, Neil said, "Tranquility Base
here, the Eagle has landed. Everyone was happy, but this was only the
beginning.

 

Several hours later, the astronauts got ready to explore the moon's surface.
Neil Armstrong made the first step, and made history when he said, "That's
one small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind."

 

Within a half hour, Buzz followed. He described what they saw as
"Magnificent desolation."

 

Their exploration lasted for 2 and a half hours, but then it was time to get
back in the landing craft.

 

The next day, Eagle rejoined Columbia. Three days later, the explorers
returned home, and the first mission to the moon was successful.

 

There it is. It's pretty bad in my eyes, but I know I want to improve on it.

 

Incidentally, my team and I are intending to have the story pre-recorded,
since we want to include actual quotes from the mission in order to help
bring the story alive. We want the students to hear the actual voices of the
astronauts, not just someone narrating it. In order to do it right, we felt
pre-recording our narrative would be better than attempting to do it live.
We've been able to locate a voice talent for that, and we'll be looking at
other ways to bring this alive for this kind of audience.

 

That's where we stand. Please send me any feedback you might have for how I
can improve it. Thanks.