[Stylist] Third Time Around: Story Feedback

Mon Jan 28 19:11:30 UTC 2019

Tina,

I really think this is coming along. I'd suggest something like:

...If you have ever had a really big job to do, you know that you can't do
it
all at once. You have to do it a little bit at a time. Going to the moon was
a HUGE job. At 238,857 miles away, that's almost 10 laps around the entire
planet earth. 
We started by taking some small steps to prepare. With the Mercury program
we learned how to build larger, life containing rockets, to put men into
space, and to
orbit the Earth. With the Gemini program we learned how to take two....
and later:

After all their work, and while Neil and Buzz were descending to the moon's
surface, they found that their computer was taking them to a place where
they didn't want to go. Remember that computers in those days were much
bigger and clunkier than computers today. In fact, the average smart phone
today is more powerful than the computers used during the Apollo 11 mission.
With the computer malfunctioning,  Neil took over flying the Eagle...

Something like that.

Chris

-----Original Message-----
From: Stylist [mailto:stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Tina Hansen
via Stylist
Sent: Wednesday, January 23, 2019 2:20 PM
To: stylist at nfbnet.org
Cc: Tina Hansen
Subject: [Stylist] Third Time Around: Story Feedback

Here's my third go-around. Someone suggested that I include some sensory
descriptions and a few things around the launch. I'm still working on quotes
from the astronauts, but I think it's starting to improve.

Have you ever been challenged? How did you respond? Did you run and hide? Or
did you find a way to accomplish it?

In 1961 the United States expected that they would be the first to do any
great thing. But Russia was the first to send a man into space. This worried
the leaders of the United States. How could they still be the best if Russia
did it first?

In May of 1961, President John Kennedy had an idea. He issued a challenge:
"I believe that this nation should commit itself to landing a man on the
moon and returning him safely before this decade is out."

Our country jumped to the challenge.

If you have ever had a really big job to do, you know that you can't do it
all at once. You have to do it a little bit at at time. Going to the moon
was a really big job. We took some small steps to get ready to go to the
moon. With the Mercury program we learned how to get men into space, and to
orbit the Earth. With the Gemini program we learned how to take two
spacecraft in orbit, have them meet and join together. 

Finally, we had learned enough. On July 16, 1969, we decided to try and go
for the prize.

Let's imagine that we're at Cape Kenedy in Florida. The giant Saturn V
rocket is ready for launch. Atop this huge rocket is a spacecraft containing
the first 3 astronauts about to try and make it to the moon.

We feel the Florida wind in the air. We feel the sun at our backs. But we
also feel the excitement of the crowd.

Like kids waiting for the end of school, we can't wait to see what's about
to happen. We wonder: What are these 3 explorers going to do? Can they make
it to the moon and back safely??

Then it happens.

We feel a vibration under our feet, then we begin to hear what sounds like
thunder. Is it an earthquake? No, it's the Saturn V rocket lifting Apollo 11
off the ground and up, up and up, into space.

Neil Armstrong, Buzz Aldrin and Michael Collins are on their way to the
moon. They call their command ship Columbia, and the Lunar landing craft
Eagle.

On Sunday July 20th, 1969, Columbia and Eagle separated and Neil Armstrong
and Buzz Aldrin left to land on the moon. Mike Collins stayed in the
Columbia orbiting the moon.

After all their work, and while Neil and Buzz were descending to the moon's
surface, they found that their computer was taking them to a place where
they did not want to go. Neil took over flying the Eagle.

Mission Control in Houston warned them that they were getting very low on
fuel. They had to land before they ran out.

Just before they ran out of fuel, Neil landed the Eagle. Then he said
"Tranquility Base here. The Eagle has landed." Everyone was very happy, but
this was only the beginning!

Several hours later, the astronauts got ready to explore the moon's surface.
Neil Armstrong did something amazing. He made the first step, and said,
"That's one small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind."

Within a half hour, Buzz followed. Now both astronauts were on the moon.
They described what they saw.

Their exploration lasted for 2 and a half hours, but then it was time to get
back in the landing craft.

The next day, Eagle rejoined Columbia. Three days later, the explorers
returned home, and the first mission to the moon came to a successful end.

The mission to the moon was unchartered territory. No one had ever even
tried it. If things went wrong, the astronauts could die. They knew this,
and although they were probably scared--very scared--they were courageous
and brave. They faced their fears and did something incredible.

Each of you will have times in your life where you are afraid to try
something new, to travel to somewhere you have never been before, to do a
job you aren't certain you can do. But just like the astronauts of Apollo
11, you can be brave, face your fears, and conquer whatever obstacles you
face.

Chris, thanks for your suggested ending. I felt it needed that in order to
have something for our audience to take away. I may revise that a bit and
make it our own.

However, I do have a few questions. If we include the bit about distance to
the moon, where might we place that?

Also, I thought about including a factoid about the computer they worked
with on their spacecraft and how it compare to our smart phones. I'll either
use a media player or an iPhone to play the recording. Where might I include
that? 

Is this possibly stuff for the question and answer session at the end? Also,
what about their food?

That's where we stand. Thanks.

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