[Stylist] Apollo 11 Narrative, Updated Revision

Sat Mar 30 17:20:37 UTC 2019

It seems like new ideas on how to improve this script and narrative are
still coming.

Please pardon the long post, but I feel this is the best way to get
feedback.

My team and I met yesterday, and we have another update.

With this iteration, we decided to expand our time to 15 minutes, since we
know we're going to play the narrative throughout our BELL presentation.
Since we know we're trying to write for the ear, we ran a test of it with my
actors, and that test showed that our writing style needed to be improved.
We decided to split up sentences that were originally combined, and we also
are doing our best to play to the strengths of our actors.

I should explain that in this iteration, I have notations of where we're
adding quotes and/or music and sound effects. One of my actors is also
producing this, so he needs to know where to insert the quotes or music. I
also have both actors narrating the script, so I have notations showing when
each actor reads a portion of the narrative.

We decided not to verbally announce the end of a segment, but instead to use
a musical cue. This is still nonvisual, and it should be clear enough to
both our audience and to me as the tech person. When the audience hears it,
they know to get ready to do something. When I hear it, I know I need to
stop the recording.

I thought about doing a verbal announcement along with the musical cue, but
I felt it would break the flow. So we've written into the narrative ways to
verbally indicate a break that were more subtle. I've taken a page out of
the audio theater book.

I also have room for the actors to, if they wish, improvise comments, since
both of them were alive during the misson.

We're also trying ways to repeat parts of the narrative to ensure the
students stay with it. We're always looking for ways that don't sound
formulaic, but ensure they are reminded of what's important while making up
for them not being able to refer back to earlier segments.

Anyway, here it is. Please give me your honest feedback, both good and bad.

(Launch sounds with count down and music) (Ed) Fifty years ago, three brave
explorers left the earth and went all the way to the moon and back. How did
it happen? Why did we go to the Moon?

The United States is a proud country, and we always want to be the best. So
does Russia. Before any human beings had ever been to space, we were in a
race with Russia to see who could get there first. And Russia beat us.  

Then, back in 1961, President John F. Kennedy had an idea. Let's put a man
on the Moon and get him safely back to Earth. And let's do it before the end
of 1969.

(Kenedy) "I believe that this nation should commit itself to achieving the
goal, before this decade is out, of landing a man on the moon and returning
him safely to the earth."

(James) That was only 8 years away. There wasn't much time. Going to the
moon was a huge challenge. The Moon is really far away. How could we send a
man to the Moon and get him back safely? (music break)

)James) We started by taking small steps to prepare. NASA is the space
program and they began making rockets to launch astronauts into space.

(Ed) They used a small rocket for a program called Mercury. With this
program, engineers learned how to build rockets that could take astronauts
into Earth orbit.

(James) Orbit means to circle one thing around another. For instance,
imagine circling a small ball around a bigger one.

*Since we've expanded our time, I felt it was important to explain what an
orbit is to the students. This is one of those times where, if we were in a
visual environment, you could flash a definition up on the screen or show
slides of an orbiting spacecraft. But since we couldn't do that, we felt the
best way to explain it was to add it into the narrative. Since one of my
actors was a former special education teacher, I thought I'd play to that.
We'll dramatize the concept of orbit by having students circle a small ball
around a larger one.

(Ed) The astronauts got to see how it felt to fly in space. They ate space
foods that were in tubes, kind of like toothpaste tubes! Would you like to
eat food from a toothpaste tube? I know I wouldn't.

(James) Once we practiced sending one astronaut into orbit at a time, NASA
wanted to send two astronauts into space at a time.

(Ed) They called this new program Gemini. It used a larger rocket. With the
Gemini program, astronauts learned how to "walk in space" by floating
outside the spacecraft with a space suit tethered to the rocket by a strong
rope. They floated like you might float in a swimming pool.

They learned what it was like to live and work in space for up to two weeks.

They also learned how to get two spacecraft to find each other while in
orbit.

Finally, they learned how to connect (or dock) two spacecraft in orbit.

(James) During the Mercury and Gemini programs, astronauts got really good
at riding rockets and working in their spacecraft while orbiting the Earth.
And remember, they learned how to find and connect two different spacecraft
together in space. They needed to know how to do these things in order to
land on the moon.

*Is that summary necessary? My gut feeling tells me it is, since if nothing,
it keeps the students focused. nIf they missed the initial narrative, they
should maybe get it in this summary. It also compensates for them not being
able to go back and read that material. Should we leave it in?

(Ed) The next phase in the space program was going to be a big one.
Astronauts needed to leave Earth's orbit and actually travel a quarter of a
million miles to get to the Moon. That's almost 10 laps around the entire
planet Earth. It would take the astronauts three days to get to the moon
from the earth. The moon program was called Apollo. This time, three
astronauts would travel together in an even larger rocket. Up to this point,
astronauts had never left Earth's orbit before. Could we get astronauts
safely to the Moon?

Apollo 8 was the first mission where astronauts traveled all the way to the
Moon. They didn't land on the Moon, but they orbited the Moon and came home
safely back to Earth. This mission proved that we could get astronauts
safely to the Moon and back. It was a critical step before the Apollo 11
moon landing. (Music break)

(James) Remember that back in 1961, President Kennedy wanted the United
States to land a man on the moon and return him safely to Earth. Now, the
time had come. Three brave explorers were going to the Moon. Two of them
were going to land on the Moon.

Apollo 11 was an eight-day mission.  The astronauts on Apollo 11 were Neil
Armstrong, Buzz Aldrin and Michael Collins. They launched from Earth on July
16, 1969. They called their command ship Columbia, and the Lunar landing
craft Eagle.

(Ed) On July 20, the two spacecraft separated while orbiting the moon.

Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin traveled in Eagle so they could land on the
moon. Mike Collins stayed in Columbia and orbited around the Moon.

After months of practicing, Neil and Buzz headed toward the moon's surface.
This was very exciting! People all over the world were watching on TV!

*When I heard one of my actors narrating that part, it didn't sound right,
so I gave it to the other actor.

(James) Sometimes computers have unexpected problems. Has that ever happened
to you?

*Should we keep that paragraph or drop it?

(Ed) Imagine you're in the spacecraft, headed to the Moon, when suddenly
your computer's alarm goes off. What would you do? That happened to Neil and
Buzz.

As Eagle came nearer to the moon, alarms were sounding in the cabin! (Alarm
sound) The astronauts asked Mission Control in Houston what to do.

(James) Computers were really huge back then! Some were even as big as this
room! In fact, the average smart phone today is more powerful than the
computers used during the Apollo 11 mission.

*I'm wondering about that paragraph, since we want to help build the
tension, but I fear it could distract. However, I feel we do need to say
something to show how limited their computers were in contrast to my laptop,
tablet or smart phone. Any suggestions?

(Ed) Mission control told Neil and Buzz that it was OK to keep going.

(Voice of Mission control) "We're go on that alarm"

(James) This is why alarms were going off. The computer on Eagle was trying
to do too many things at once.

*Is this a better place for that paragraph about the computer? Were stuck.

(Ed) But Neil and Buzz soon realized that their computer was taking them to
a dangerous rocky area. If they landed on rocks, their spacecraft might tip
over. If that happened, they'd be stuck on the Moon, not able to get home.
They needed to land in a smooth area so Neil took over flying Eagle by
himself, without the computer's help. It was good that he practiced doing
this too!

Just imagine how scary this must have been!

Mission Control in Houston warned the astronauts that they were getting very
low on fuel. They started counting down the seconds before the fuel would
run out.

(Voice of Mission Control) 60 seconds

(Improv)

(James) There were no re-fueling stations in space. They had only one shot
to land. If they ran out of fuel, they'd never see their families again.
They had to land fast!

(Voice of Mission Control) "30 seconds"

(Improv)

(Ed) With only seconds of fuel left, Neil safely landed Eagle.

(Voice of Mission Control) "We copy you down, Eagle."

(Voice of Neil Armstrong Tranquility Base here. The Eagle has landed."
(Applaus and music)

(Voice of Mission control): Roger, Tranquility, we copy you on the ground.
You've got a bunch of guys about to turn blue. We're breathing again. Thanks
a lot.

(James) But this was only the beginning! (Music break)

(Ed) Six hours later, the astronauts got ready to explore the moon's
surface. Neil Armstrong opened the hatch of the Eagle and looked down at the
ground.  He didn't know if the ground would be soft, hard or slippery. He
didn't know if he would sink, but he climbed down the stairs and bravely
stepped onto the surface of the Moon. He didn't sink. The ground was hard.
Then he said these famous words.

(Voice of Neil Armstrong) "That's one small step for a man, one giant leap
for mankind."

Ed) Twenty minutes later, Buzz came out of Eagle, climbed down the stairs
and also stepped foot on the Moon. Neil and Buzz set up a special camera so
everyone on Earth could see them walking on the Moon.  People all over the
world stopped what they were doing and watched the astronauts on TV. It was
an incredible moment.

(James) While both astronauts were on the Moon, they observed that the
ground was very dusty, like powder. Neil Armstrong said it this way.

(Voice of Neil Armstrong) The surface is fine and powdery . I can kick it up
loosely with my toe . It does adhere in fine layers . like powdered charcoal
to the . soul and sides of my boots.

(James) In other words, the powder stuck to his boots.

The astronauts discovered that there were small rocks on the ground. They
also found both large and small holes (called craters). They saw that the
sky was black, because the Moon has no air like there is on Earth. So there
was no blue sky. There also were no rainbows or clouds.

*How can we, if needed, revise that paragraph?

As blind people, you may not see rainbows, clouds, or blue sky. But you can
enjoy beauty in your own way, just like the astronauts did on the moon.
Here's what they had to say.

(Voice of Neil Armstrong) "It has a stark beauty all its own . it's like
much of the high desert of the United States . it's . different but it's
very pretty out here.

(Voice of Buzz Aldrin) Beautiful view.

(Voice of Neil Armstrong) Isn't that something? Magnificent site out here.

(Voice of Buzz Aldrin) Magnificent desolation.

*I wanted to get their words in the narrative somehow and not just rely on
our own. That passage was the best way we could think of to do that. Does it
need any revision? Does it fit?

Their surface exploration lasted for two and a half hours, but then it was
time to get back inside Eagle. They needed to rest before leaving the Moon.
(Music break)

(Ed) Remember how the Gemini astronauts practiced docking two spacecraft
together while orbiting Earth? Well, the next day, Neil and Buzz lifted off
the Moon in Eagle and docked with Columbia, where astronaut Michael Collins
was waiting for them. Remember, Michael Collins was orbiting the Moon all by
himself the entire time Neil and Buzz were on the surface of the moon.  Once
all three astronauts were back together, they started their trip back home.
Three days later, the three astronauts returned safely to Earth, and the
first Moon landing came to a successful end.

It was an amazing mission and we did land astronauts on the Moon before the
end of 1969, just as President Kennedy wanted.

There it is. As I've been telling my team, I want to get this right. Are we
on track? Do we need to make any other course corrections? Thanks.