[Stylist] Apollo 11 Narrative, Updated Revision

[Barbara HAMMEL]

Tina, I have family in till tomorrow. What I did read of it looked good! I like what you've done.    BarbaraBarbara Hammel

> On Mar 30, 2019, at 12:21, Tina Hansen via Stylist <stylist at nfbnet.org> wrote:
> 
> It seems like new ideas on how to improve this script and narrative are
> still coming.
> 
> 
> 
> Please pardon the long post, but I feel this is the best way to get
> feedback.
> 
> 
> 
> My team and I met yesterday, and we have another update.
> 
> 
> 
> With this iteration, we decided to expand our time to 15 minutes, since we
> know we're going to play the narrative throughout our BELL presentation.
> Since we know we're trying to write for the ear, we ran a test of it with my
> actors, and that test showed that our writing style needed to be improved.
> We decided to split up sentences that were originally combined, and we also
> are doing our best to play to the strengths of our actors.
> 
> 
> 
> I should explain that in this iteration, I have notations of where we're
> adding quotes and/or music and sound effects. One of my actors is also
> producing this, so he needs to know where to insert the quotes or music. I
> also have both actors narrating the script, so I have notations showing when
> each actor reads a portion of the narrative.
> 
> 
> 
> We decided not to verbally announce the end of a segment, but instead to use
> a musical cue. This is still nonvisual, and it should be clear enough to
> both our audience and to me as the tech person. When the audience hears it,
> they know to get ready to do something. When I hear it, I know I need to
> stop the recording.
> 
> 
> 
> I thought about doing a verbal announcement along with the musical cue, but
> I felt it would break the flow. So we've written into the narrative ways to
> verbally indicate a break that were more subtle. I've taken a page out of
> the audio theater book.
> 
> 
> 
> I also have room for the actors to, if they wish, improvise comments, since
> both of them were alive during the misson.
> 
> 
> 
> We're also trying ways to repeat parts of the narrative to ensure the
> students stay with it. We're always looking for ways that don't sound
> formulaic, but ensure they are reminded of what's important while making up
> for them not being able to refer back to earlier segments.
> 
> 
> 
> Anyway, here it is. Please give me your honest feedback, both good and bad.
> 
> 
> 
> (Launch sounds with count down and music) (Ed) Fifty years ago, three brave
> explorers left the earth and went all the way to the moon and back. How did
> it happen? Why did we go to the Moon?
> 
> 
> 
> The United States is a proud country, and we always want to be the best. So
> does Russia. Before any human beings had ever been to space, we were in a
> race with Russia to see who could get there first. And Russia beat us.  
> 
> 
> 
> Then, back in 1961, President John F. Kennedy had an idea. Let's put a man
> on the Moon and get him safely back to Earth. And let's do it before the end
> of 1969.
> 
> 
> 
> (Kenedy) "I believe that this nation should commit itself to achieving the
> goal, before this decade is out, of landing a man on the moon and returning
> him safely to the earth."
> 
> 
> 
> (James) That was only 8 years away. There wasn't much time. Going to the
> moon was a huge challenge. The Moon is really far away. How could we send a
> man to the Moon and get him back safely? (music break)
> 
> 
> 
> )James) We started by taking small steps to prepare. NASA is the space
> program and they began making rockets to launch astronauts into space.
> 
> 
> 
> (Ed) They used a small rocket for a program called Mercury. With this
> program, engineers learned how to build rockets that could take astronauts
> into Earth orbit.
> 
> 
> 
> (James) Orbit means to circle one thing around another. For instance,
> imagine circling a small ball around a bigger one.
> 
> 
> 
> *Since we've expanded our time, I felt it was important to explain what an
> orbit is to the students. This is one of those times where, if we were in a
> visual environment, you could flash a definition up on the screen or show
> slides of an orbiting spacecraft. But since we couldn't do that, we felt the
> best way to explain it was to add it into the narrative. Since one of my
> actors was a former special education teacher, I thought I'd play to that.
> We'll dramatize the concept of orbit by having students circle a small ball
> around a larger one.
> 
> 
> 
> (Ed) The astronauts got to see how it felt to fly in space. They ate space
> foods that were in tubes, kind of like toothpaste tubes! Would you like to
> eat food from a toothpaste tube? I know I wouldn't.
> 
> 
> 
> (James) Once we practiced sending one astronaut into orbit at a time, NASA
> wanted to send two astronauts into space at a time.
> 
> 
> 
> (Ed) They called this new program Gemini. It used a larger rocket. With the
> Gemini program, astronauts learned how to "walk in space" by floating
> outside the spacecraft with a space suit tethered to the rocket by a strong
> rope. They floated like you might float in a swimming pool.
> 
> 
> 
> They learned what it was like to live and work in space for up to two weeks.
> 
> 
> 
> They also learned how to get two spacecraft to find each other while in
> orbit.
> 
> 
> 
> Finally, they learned how to connect (or dock) two spacecraft in orbit.
> 
> 
> 
> (James) During the Mercury and Gemini programs, astronauts got really good
> at riding rockets and working in their spacecraft while orbiting the Earth.
> And remember, they learned how to find and connect two different spacecraft
> together in space. They needed to know how to do these things in order to
> land on the moon.
> 
> 
> 
> *Is that summary necessary? My gut feeling tells me it is, since if nothing,
> it keeps the students focused. nIf they missed the initial narrative, they
> should maybe get it in this summary. It also compensates for them not being
> able to go back and read that material. Should we leave it in?
> 
> 
> 
> (Ed) The next phase in the space program was going to be a big one.
> Astronauts needed to leave Earth's orbit and actually travel a quarter of a
> million miles to get to the Moon. That's almost 10 laps around the entire
> planet Earth. It would take the astronauts three days to get to the moon
> from the earth. The moon program was called Apollo. This time, three
> astronauts would travel together in an even larger rocket. Up to this point,
> astronauts had never left Earth's orbit before. Could we get astronauts
> safely to the Moon?
> 
> 
> 
> Apollo 8 was the first mission where astronauts traveled all the way to the
> Moon. They didn't land on the Moon, but they orbited the Moon and came home
> safely back to Earth. This mission proved that we could get astronauts
> safely to the Moon and back. It was a critical step before the Apollo 11
> moon landing. (Music break)
> 
> 
> 
> (James) Remember that back in 1961, President Kennedy wanted the United
> States to land a man on the moon and return him safely to Earth. Now, the
> time had come. Three brave explorers were going to the Moon. Two of them
> were going to land on the Moon.
> 
> 
> 
> Apollo 11 was an eight-day mission.  The astronauts on Apollo 11 were Neil
> Armstrong, Buzz Aldrin and Michael Collins. They launched from Earth on July
> 16, 1969. They called their command ship Columbia, and the Lunar landing
> craft Eagle.
> 
> 
> 
> (Ed) On July 20, the two spacecraft separated while orbiting the moon.
> 
> 
> 
> Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin traveled in Eagle so they could land on the
> moon. Mike Collins stayed in Columbia and orbited around the Moon.
> 
> 
> 
> After months of practicing, Neil and Buzz headed toward the moon's surface.
> This was very exciting! People all over the world were watching on TV!
> 
> 
> 
> *When I heard one of my actors narrating that part, it didn't sound right,
> so I gave it to the other actor.
> 
> 
> 
> (James) Sometimes computers have unexpected problems. Has that ever happened
> to you?
> 
> 
> 
> *Should we keep that paragraph or drop it?
> 
> 
> 
> (Ed) Imagine you're in the spacecraft, headed to the Moon, when suddenly
> your computer's alarm goes off. What would you do? That happened to Neil and
> Buzz.
> 
> 
> 
> As Eagle came nearer to the moon, alarms were sounding in the cabin! (Alarm
> sound) The astronauts asked Mission Control in Houston what to do.
> 
> 
> 
> (James) Computers were really huge back then! Some were even as big as this
> room! In fact, the average smart phone today is more powerful than the
> computers used during the Apollo 11 mission.
> 
> 
> 
> *I'm wondering about that paragraph, since we want to help build the
> tension, but I fear it could distract. However, I feel we do need to say
> something to show how limited their computers were in contrast to my laptop,
> tablet or smart phone. Any suggestions?
> 
> 
> 
> (Ed) Mission control told Neil and Buzz that it was OK to keep going.
> 
> 
> 
> (Voice of Mission control) "We're go on that alarm"
> 
> 
> 
> (James) This is why alarms were going off. The computer on Eagle was trying
> to do too many things at once.
> 
> 
> 
> *Is this a better place for that paragraph about the computer? Were stuck.
> 
> 
> 
> (Ed) But Neil and Buzz soon realized that their computer was taking them to
> a dangerous rocky area. If they landed on rocks, their spacecraft might tip
> over. If that happened, they'd be stuck on the Moon, not able to get home.
> They needed to land in a smooth area so Neil took over flying Eagle by
> himself, without the computer's help. It was good that he practiced doing
> this too!
> 
> 
> 
> Just imagine how scary this must have been!
> 
> 
> 
> Mission Control in Houston warned the astronauts that they were getting very
> low on fuel. They started counting down the seconds before the fuel would
> run out.
> 
> 
> 
> (Voice of Mission Control) 60 seconds
> 
> 
> 
> (Improv)
> 
> (James) There were no re-fueling stations in space. They had only one shot
> to land. If they ran out of fuel, they'd never see their families again.
> They had to land fast!
> 
> 
> 
> (Voice of Mission Control) "30 seconds"
> 
> (Improv)
> 
> 
> 
> (Ed) With only seconds of fuel left, Neil safely landed Eagle.
> 
> 
> 
> (Voice of Mission Control) "We copy you down, Eagle."
> 
> 
> 
> (Voice of Neil Armstrong Tranquility Base here. The Eagle has landed."
> (Applaus and music)
> 
> 
> 
> (Voice of Mission control): Roger, Tranquility, we copy you on the ground.
> You've got a bunch of guys about to turn blue. We're breathing again. Thanks
> a lot.
> 
> 
> 
> (James) But this was only the beginning! (Music break)
> 
> 
> 
> (Ed) Six hours later, the astronauts got ready to explore the moon's
> surface. Neil Armstrong opened the hatch of the Eagle and looked down at the
> ground.  He didn't know if the ground would be soft, hard or slippery. He
> didn't know if he would sink, but he climbed down the stairs and bravely
> stepped onto the surface of the Moon. He didn't sink. The ground was hard.
> Then he said these famous words.
> 
> 
> 
> (Voice of Neil Armstrong) "That's one small step for a man, one giant leap
> for mankind."
> 
> 
> 
> Ed) Twenty minutes later, Buzz came out of Eagle, climbed down the stairs
> and also stepped foot on the Moon. Neil and Buzz set up a special camera so
> everyone on Earth could see them walking on the Moon.  People all over the
> world stopped what they were doing and watched the astronauts on TV. It was
> an incredible moment.
> 
> 
> 
> (James) While both astronauts were on the Moon, they observed that the
> ground was very dusty, like powder. Neil Armstrong said it this way.
> 
> 
> 
> (Voice of Neil Armstrong) The surface is fine and powdery . I can kick it up
> loosely with my toe . It does adhere in fine layers . like powdered charcoal
> to the . soul and sides of my boots.
> 
> 
> 
> (James) In other words, the powder stuck to his boots.
> 
> 
> 
> The astronauts discovered that there were small rocks on the ground. They
> also found both large and small holes (called craters). They saw that the
> sky was black, because the Moon has no air like there is on Earth. So there
> was no blue sky. There also were no rainbows or clouds.
> 
> 
> 
> *How can we, if needed, revise that paragraph?
> 
> 
> 
> As blind people, you may not see rainbows, clouds, or blue sky. But you can
> enjoy beauty in your own way, just like the astronauts did on the moon.
> Here's what they had to say.
> 
> 
> 
> (Voice of Neil Armstrong) "It has a stark beauty all its own . it's like
> much of the high desert of the United States . it's . different but it's
> very pretty out here.
> 
> 
> 
> (Voice of Buzz Aldrin) Beautiful view.
> 
> 
> 
> (Voice of Neil Armstrong) Isn't that something? Magnificent site out here.
> 
> 
> 
> (Voice of Buzz Aldrin) Magnificent desolation.
> 
> 
> 
> *I wanted to get their words in the narrative somehow and not just rely on
> our own. That passage was the best way we could think of to do that. Does it
> need any revision? Does it fit?
> 
> 
> 
> Their surface exploration lasted for two and a half hours, but then it was
> time to get back inside Eagle. They needed to rest before leaving the Moon.
> (Music break)
> 
> 
> 
> (Ed) Remember how the Gemini astronauts practiced docking two spacecraft
> together while orbiting Earth? Well, the next day, Neil and Buzz lifted off
> the Moon in Eagle and docked with Columbia, where astronaut Michael Collins
> was waiting for them. Remember, Michael Collins was orbiting the Moon all by
> himself the entire time Neil and Buzz were on the surface of the moon.  Once
> all three astronauts were back together, they started their trip back home.
> Three days later, the three astronauts returned safely to Earth, and the
> first Moon landing came to a successful end.
> 
> It was an amazing mission and we did land astronauts on the Moon before the
> end of 1969, just as President Kennedy wanted.
> 
> 
> 
> There it is. As I've been telling my team, I want to get this right. Are we
> on track? Do we need to make any other course corrections? Thanks.
> 
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