[Stylist] ***Spam*** My First Poem

[Janet Dinola Parmerter]

I have still been trying to find the poem but haven’t yet

From: Stylist <stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org> On Behalf Of Richard R. Thomas via Stylist
Sent: Tuesday, May 31, 2022 4:19 PM
To: Writers' Division Mailing List <stylist at nfbnet.org>
Cc: Richard R. Thomas <richardrthomas48 at gmail.com>
Subject: Re: ***Spam*** [Stylist] My First Poem

Thanks Chris:
I will review the comments this evening and repost tomorrow or as soon as I get something more comfortable.
I did think the Latin was a little out there, overkill, but it is a biblical quote I pulled ,from a reference I should check out and will indeed do that.
I think it actually translates as I Shall Fear No Evil.
So  the spectors in my soul will be cast out when I die as a result of Christ Plucking me Up and I will be healed so I don’t fear the end.
There is a logic to the headless woman the sightless eyes and the illumination but let me walk through the logical flow since I didn’t like that line either.
It was suppose to preface the quote redemption that would be indicated by me having no fear of my death since the spectors would be gone when Christ took me in.
That was the idea but it just doesn’t sound right, not the right word, sigh.
The word gender is the correct word when thinking of the traditional roles the male and the female play in a more strictly cast relationship with well defined responsibilities for each.
I did think some readers may associate the word gender and the pain with being gay, could be, I have known a gay person since grade school and they were always gay – born that way it seems and never accepted and even reviled by much of society.
But that is not the underlying theme of this poem.
I have yet to think of another better word or sentence yet.
You were right on, 70 years or more ago this word would have been perfect when a mans and woman’s roles were well defined by society.
Today, it holds the same meaning for specific situations.
But it does seem to have been overtaken by more recent populist interpretation surrounding various forms of unconventional  sexual relationships.
I’ll think that one over as well to see if I cant filter it somehow.
Again, thanks for the help, very good points indeed.
Richard R. Thomas (Rick USA)

From: Chris Kuell via Stylist<mailto:stylist at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Tuesday, May 31, 2022 12:22 PM
To: Writers' Division Mailing List<mailto:stylist at nfbnet.org>
Cc: ckuell at comcast.net<mailto:ckuell at comcast.net>
Subject: Re: [Stylist] My First Poem

Hey Rick,

This is pretty dark, which I’m sure was your intention. It has a very gothic feel, although the gendered roles line makes me think it’s meant to be more contemporary—or perhaps, things are much the same as they were long ago?
With the chorus, I’m not so sure this works as a poem, but certainly makes me think of song lyrics. I can’t say I understand the forgiveness/redemption that you mentioned, although I’m not familiar with the words in the last line. I’m also a little puzzled by the headless woman having eyes that illume, but perhaps that’s artistic freedom.

I don’t have more to offer—perhaps the poets will. I’d be curious to hear the lyrics put to music, and I think that’s a good sign.

Chris





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