[Stylist] Fw: The Odyssey of Homer One is a finalist

[Ann Chiappetta]

Constructive feedback is great, good luck!

 

 

Ann Chiappetta, MS

President, Friends In Art, Inc.

 <mailto:president at friendsinart.org> president at friendsinart.org   <http://www.friendsinart.org> www.friendsinart.org 

914.393.6605 

 <http://www.annchiappetta.com> www.annchiappetta.com

Trust your dreams. Trust your heart and trust your story. Neil Gaiman

 

From: Stylist <stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org> On Behalf Of Shawn Jacobson via Stylist
Sent: Tuesday, August 13, 2024 10:40 AM
To: Writers' Division Mailing List <stylist at nfbnet.org>
Cc: Shawn Jacobson <sdj60259 at aol.com>
Subject: [Stylist] Fw: The Odyssey of Homer One is a finalist

 

I got some good news on my story "The Oddyssey of Homor One.  Got some constructive criticism as well.

 

Anyway, this is as far as I've ever gotten with this contest, so I think this is happy-dance time.

 

Shawn

 

Shawn Jacobson
sdj60259 at aol.com <mailto:sdj60259 at aol.com> 

 

 

----- Forwarded Message -----

From: Amateur Writing Contest <amateurwritingcontest at bsfs.org <mailto:amateurwritingcontest at bsfs.org> >

To: Shawn Jacobson <sdj60259 at aol.com <mailto:sdj60259 at aol.com> >

Sent: Monday, August 12, 2024 at 02:08:58 PM EDT

Subject: The Odyssey of Homer One is a finalist

 

Hi Shawn

 

I'm pleased to tell you that your story "The Odyssey of Homer One" is a finalist in this year's Short Story contest. We had many good entries this year and the competition was strong but your story is one of the standouts.

 

While we are awaiting the last round of voting, I thought I would give you the comments from readers who gave feedback in the first round. Other comments may be coming from the readers of the finalist round who are mostly new to the story.

 

The Odyssey of Homer One

*	I would enjoy more stories in this world. Proofreading needed, names Cathy/Kathy and the name of the blindness plague. Klick is usually the abbreviation for kilometer rather than “click”.
*	It was interesting to read a story about a blind starfaring human society landing on another world. The dialogue needs some work in order to give each character their own voice, otherwise they come across stiff and two-dimensional. The words you need for voice pitch are "bass" (not base) and "tenor" (not tenner).
*	Some things about this were very good. Those were the experiential aspects of the story, the dialog, and the unexplained mysteries of the situation, slowly coming out. 
*	I found myself wondering where the writer was going. 
*	The ending is preachy and not rational, though it became clear that the encountered beings were likely the cause of the plague, once they mentioned seeing as restricted.
*	Disappointing, though. There were so many better directions this story could have taken. 
*	Needs a grammar checker.
*	Trying to take on too big a story in a short.
*	My favorite.

 

Keep writing. Regardless of what happens this year, I look forward to getting another strong entry from you next year.

 

Allison





 

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The Baltimore Science Fiction Society Amateur Writing Contest contest is open to amateur writers over 18 years old who are residents of Maryland. This year's contest opens on April 15 and closes June 15.

For more information and to see contest rules go to https://bsfs.org/bsfsssc.htm

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