[Stylist] poem feedback welcome
Ann Chiappetta
anniecms64 at gmail.com
Wed Feb 28 04:06:52 UTC 2024
Sean-
If it sticks with you I’d consider it a good poem. If, however, a reader reads it and cannot recall how it made him feel or reflect, I bet it needs some revision. I appreciate your honesty.
Ann Chiappetta, MS
President, Friends In Art, Inc.
<mailto:president at friendsinart.org> president at friendsinart.org <http://www.friendsinart.org> www.friendsinart.org
914.393.6605
<http://www.annchiappetta.com> www.annchiappetta.com
Trust your dreams. Trust your heart and trust your story. Neil Gaiman
From: Stylist <stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org> On Behalf Of Shawn Jacobson via Stylist
Sent: Tuesday, February 27, 2024 9:21 PM
To: Ann Chiappetta via Stylist <stylist at nfbnet.org>
Cc: Shawn Jacobson <sdj60259 at aol.com>
Subject: Re: [Stylist] poem feedback welcome
Ann
Interesting poem, I'll have to think about that one.
Shawn Jacobson
sdj60259 at aol.com <mailto:sdj60259 at aol.com>
On Tuesday, February 27, 2024 at 12:52:40 PM EST, Ann Chiappetta via Stylist <stylist at nfbnet.org <mailto:stylist at nfbnet.org> > wrote:
Hi all-
My email for Feedback is anniecms64 at gmail.com <mailto:anniecms64 at gmail.com>
This is a modified ghazal poem. It uses couplets independent from one another and a strong repetitive word. Originally I read it was also rigid regarding the meter and syllabic style but those written in English aren’t adhered to as strictly.
Read more here:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ghazal#:~:text=A%20ghazal%20commonly%20consists%20of,those%20of%20the%20Petrarchan%20sonnet.
I played with it a bit and this is the result.
Mileage
Ann Chiappetta
rain blows east
wind pushes east
chalet slopes west
high rise faces east
90° of north
Going home is east
The dog star howls
summer bright in the east
distance dilutes Love
>From west to east
Ann, said the loved boy
Return to me
I wept in the west
and faced east
2023
Ann Chiappetta, MS
President, Friends In Art, Inc.
<mailto:president at friendsinart.org> president at friendsinart.org <http://www.friendsinart.org> www.friendsinart.org
914.393.6605
<http://www.annchiappetta.com> www.annchiappetta.com
Trust your dreams. Trust your heart and trust your story. Neil Gaiman
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