[Stylist] poem feedback welcome

[Ann Chiappetta]

Sean-

If it sticks with you I’d consider it a good poem. If, however, a reader reads it and cannot recall how it made him feel or reflect, I bet it needs some revision. I appreciate your honesty.

 

 

Ann Chiappetta, MS

President, Friends In Art, Inc.

 <mailto:president at friendsinart.org> president at friendsinart.org   <http://www.friendsinart.org> www.friendsinart.org 

914.393.6605 

 <http://www.annchiappetta.com> www.annchiappetta.com

Trust your dreams. Trust your heart and trust your story. Neil Gaiman

 

From: Stylist <stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org> On Behalf Of Shawn Jacobson via Stylist
Sent: Tuesday, February 27, 2024 9:21 PM
To: Ann Chiappetta via Stylist <stylist at nfbnet.org>
Cc: Shawn Jacobson <sdj60259 at aol.com>
Subject: Re: [Stylist] poem feedback welcome

 

Ann

 

Interesting poem, I'll have to think about that one.

 

Shawn Jacobson
sdj60259 at aol.com <mailto:sdj60259 at aol.com> 

 

 

On Tuesday, February 27, 2024 at 12:52:40 PM EST, Ann Chiappetta via Stylist <stylist at nfbnet.org <mailto:stylist at nfbnet.org> > wrote: 

 

 

Hi all-

My email for Feedback  is anniecms64 at gmail.com <mailto:anniecms64 at gmail.com> 

 

This is a modified ghazal poem. It uses couplets  independent from one another and a strong repetitive word. Originally I read it was also rigid regarding the meter and syllabic style but those written in English  aren’t adhered to as strictly.

Read more here: 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ghazal#:~:text=A%20ghazal%20commonly%20consists%20of,those%20of%20the%20Petrarchan%20sonnet.

 

I played with it a bit and this is the result.

 

Mileage 

Ann Chiappetta

 

rain blows east

wind pushes east

 

chalet slopes west

high rise     faces east

 

90° of north 

Going home is east

 

The dog star howls

summer bright in the east

distance dilutes Love   

>From west  to east

 

Ann, said the loved boy 

Return to me

I wept in the west

and faced east

 

 

2023

 

 

 

 

Ann Chiappetta, MS

President, Friends In Art, Inc.

 <mailto:president at friendsinart.org> president at friendsinart.org   <http://www.friendsinart.org> www.friendsinart.org 

914.393.6605 

 <http://www.annchiappetta.com> www.annchiappetta.com

Trust your dreams. Trust your heart and trust your story. Neil Gaiman

 

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