[blindkid] kids away from home

[Carrie Gilmer]

Dear Sally,
I would say it depends kind of on the things you mentioned. I decided based
on (pretty much these were the same basis for my three sighted children):

#1: how well I knew the people (youth leaders in this case?) who were
supervising. This was true for any of my children but aside from feeling
secure they were not lurking criminals, what was their past treatment of
Jordan at day events?
#2: How well I, or maybe more importantly HE knew the other kids. How had he
been treated at day things? Did he have a friend going as a regular buddy?
#4: How much did he want to go--were the activities planned ones he was
interested in or capable of or had experience participating in.

Then as long as I was sure he would be safe, and all the above had been
answered positively then I let him go. I also did know that he was in fact
age appropriate to the other kids in self care and communication.

 Not everything went perfect--sometimes he learned how to better advocate in
the future if someone thought too little of his ability or some kid
questioned why he would want to play bean bag toss or something. He was
known at school so this usually did not happen at school. For him he often
found more low expectations at church with the friend of a friend who came
to the same function... We had usually good experiences at the YMCA. But
these were learning experiences in a safe place, they were not devastating
and they did not always happen. Knowing when and when not to ask for help or
stick up for yourself and educate or advocate--all that takes quite a bit of
skill and confidence actually. You don't want them acquiring it the weekend
before they go off to college. Smile. The more years of practice the more
experiences they have to relate back to...the more it becomes less of a
surprise and you can move on quickly.

How many times and in how many ways have the cane questions come? A couple
of weeks ago Jordan went to a game place; go carts, Paint ball, laser tag,
arcade, bumper cars. He was waiting his turn with his older brother for the
bumper cars. A kid asked him if he won his white stick as prize...like HOW
MANY TOKENS did you need to win that? Smile. When Jordan told him he was
blind, the kid was quiet a second and then said, "Well I guess you don't
want to play laser tag then". If we tried to prevent every incident we would
have to lock them up in their own rooms and interact with no one beyond the
immediate family. Jordan chalked it up with a laugh and as just one
more...he has explained the cane a thousand times in a hundred ways...and he
is only 18.

I think you will know yourself Sally, in your gut, if you are being too
cautious or not. You are a pretty wise cookie.

 
 
Carrie Gilmer, President
National Organization of Parents of Blind Children
A Division of the National Federation of the Blind
NFB National Center: 410-659-9314
Home Phone: 763-784-8590
carrie.gilmer at gmail.com
www.nfb.org/nopbc

-----Original Message-----
From: blindkid-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blindkid-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
Behalf Of Andy & Sally Thomas
Sent: Thursday, November 20, 2008 7:15 PM
To: blindkid at nfbnet.org
Subject: [blindkid] kids away from home

At what age did you let your kids attend overnight activities that were not
run by blindness or disability centered groups without you?  I'm sure it
depends on the maturity of the child as well as the type of group.  I must
say that I worry about my son either being babied or left behind somewhere.
I'm not sure if the "age appropriate behavior" idea applies or not since I
would have to rely on others--not just my son's abilities.  He's pretty
independent but sometimes I think he may be too independent to ask for
appropriate help.  And it seems to me that most people are pretty clueless
about blindness.  I know I could talk with them about it but I'm still a bit
nervous.

He's attended several away from home activities at the school for the blind
and the Louisiana Buddy Program but I'm not as comfortable sending him to
church retreats.  Am I being too cautious?

Sally Thomas
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