[blindkid] Seeking advice: blind daughter intentionallyexcluded from birthday party

melissa R. Green graduate56 at juno.com
Fri Oct 31 01:13:57 UTC 2008


Janice.
I don't mind sharing my stories.  I joined this list so that I could help
others, and others can also help me.
It is possible that the child next door, the parents are just not educated about
blindness.  They also may be scared to ask because they don't want to offend
you.
Yet, they can also choose not to know about blindness.
In my case, it was more that  some of those people that didn't want to include
me didn't want to at all because they knew that I was blind.  One woman actually
said that she hated me because i was blind, and that would be why she never
would invite me to her child's party.  Its sad that we have people like that in
the worl.  But the good ones make it worthwhile.
Does Ari go to summer camps or other things that may provide social
opportunities for her.  
Does she get a chance to interact with other blind children, as well as other
sighted children.
Sometimes educators get so caught up in academics, that the social interactions
of blind children is not taken into account.
It isn't seen as that important.  May be a social skills goal can be added to
her Iep.  Just a suggestion.

Regards,
Sincerely,
Melissa R. Green
Nobody said life would be easy.
They just promised it would be worth it. 
  


-----Original Message-----
From: blindkid-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blindkid-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf
Of jjordan_pa at yahoo.com
Sent: Wednesday, October 29, 2008 7:03 AM
To: NFBnet Blind Kid Mailing List, (for parents of blind children)
Subject: Re: [blindkid] Seeking advice: blind daughter intentionallyexcluded
from birthday party

Melissa: you have touched our hearts with your candid story.  You are a
remarkable woman and I am hopeful that we might one day meet.  I am just now
dealing with my daughter, who is almost 8, being excluded.  Not yet at the depth
of purposeful exclusion but in smaller things.  I recently moved (purchased a
home) and my neighbor has a child the same age as Ari's sibling.  He is an only
child and has enough toys and gadgets to fill a warehouse.  Grace is over there
as much as I will allow and comes home with tales of spectacular fun. The
neighbor mom is afraid of Ari (?) And keeps telling her  "one day we will have
you  over".   To make matters worse, her new school separates her so much from
her regular classroom that she is not developing friendships there either. She
is becoming a very lonely girl and my heart is breaking for her.  

Anyway, I just wanted to say thankyou for sharing. This list helps me in so many
ways in raising my daughter. 

Janice & Arianna
Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

-----Original Message-----
From: "melissa R. Green" <graduate56 at juno.com>

Date: Wed, 29 Oct 2008 00:30:53 
To: 'NFBnet Blind Kid Mailing List,\(for parents of blind
children\)'<blindkid at nfbnet.org>
Subject: Re: [blindkid] Seeking advice: blind daughter intentionally
	excluded from birthday party


Grace.
I feel for your daughter.  Even if she doesn't know that she was excluded.
However, she heard you and the other mom talking about it.
As a blind kid I was excluded a lot from parties.  Hardly any of my classmates
would show up to mine either.
I overheard a lot of them saying that it was because of my blindness.  They
didn't know what kind of gift to get me either.  That was a problem that they
came up with.  It hurts a lot.  I can remember being on my front porch and other
kids playing and then being called in to a party.  Then there would be noone
left but me and the girl that had some cognitive disabilities.  Now if the other
mother chooses not to go to the party.
That is her choice, and it is admirable.  You can't control what she chooses to
do.  Just tell her you appreciate the gesture.
I agree  send a gift to school.  
Regards,
Sincerely,
Melissa R. Green
Nobody said life would be easy.
They just promised it would be worth it. 
  


-----Original Message-----
From: blindkid-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blindkid-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf
Of Grace Sato
Sent: Tuesday, October 28, 2008 4:39 PM
To: blindkid at nfbnet.org
Subject: [blindkid] Seeking advice: blind daughter intentionally excluded from
birthday party

Because I'm sure parents on this list have lived this, I'm going to ask.
I've been trying to forget about this, but you know how things nag at 
you and you can't let go?

Here goes:

I found out over the weekend that my daughter's first grade class was 
invited to the birthday party of a classmate (Logan).
Apparently Logan's parents took invitations for all the kids and the 
class and distributed them as school ended on Friday.

I knew none of this until I spent Sunday with one of the boys in my 
daughter's class (Chance), and his mom, as we visited a cool Children's 
Discovery Museum together and she asked in the car if my daughter would 
be attending the party on November 1st.

The party will be held at "Pump It Up", an inflatables party place 
(think large inflatable slides, bouncy castle, mazes, etc).
My daughter loves this place and attended two birthday parties there 
before when in preschool and kindergarten.

Because this little boy (Chance) is my daughter's best friend in school, 
the one we spend the most time with, his mom decided to ask Logan's dad 
directly if Milagro, "Chance's best friend in class", had been invited. 
She told me he looked at her funny and said, "No."

She asked if everyone else in the class had been invited and he said 
yes. So, Chance's mom and I are concluding that Milagro has been 
excluded, probably because the family thinks a blind child doesn't 
belong in a bouncy inflatables place.

Now, I don't know this boy Logan and his parents don't know me, so I 
mostly don't care. I doubt Milagro knows she's been excluded because she 
was in SDC at the end of the school day. But.....now Chance's mom is 
going to boycott the party (not take Chance) in protest of Milagro being 
excluded. Sweet gesture, but that's what's causing me grief.

I feel (almost) obligated to do something, but not sure what?  Would you 
please share your wisdom with me on this? Part of me wants to crash the 
party to show her classmates that she's as adventurous and strong as 
they are (and more so in most cases). The rest of me says, "save your 
energy".

What do you think? What have you done in these situations when your 
child has been excluded socially due to someone else's ignorance? Should 
I just do nothing and beg Chance's mom to just take him and tell her I 
appreciate the gesture?

Such drama.....I know. And it's only first grade!  Thanks!

Grace in California







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