[blindkid] Introducing your child to new people

Fri Aug 7 17:37:59 UTC 2009

It helps that I know you and Brian so well...smile. Will also try and catch
up privately today and this weekend., smile.

On Behalf Of Carly
Sent: Wednesday, August 05, 2009 1:20 PM
To: blindkid at nfbnet.org
Subject: [blindkid] Introducing your child to new people

I am wondering if any of you could offer some pointers about how you
introduce your blind child to new people, particularly in a social setting
where there are lots of people?

Considering Brain is a normal child, how do you introduce your other
children? I think it is best to resist the feelings that you "owe", or there
is some preventative benefit to,an explanation right off in general social
settings..because you  nor he does "owe" and also preventative maintenance
at a simple meeting/introduction greeting does not really pan out :-) People
will follow your lead mostly. Be matter of fact, it is a matter of
fact..dark glasses and a cane are normal for him and a whole group of
people.they are not meeting, you are not introducing the glasses and the
cane, you are introducing BRIAN :-) So to begin, I introduce him normally as
he is normal :-). They are being introduced to BRIAN, not a "blind kid" :-).
Your general comfort and ease will make them open to feel they can ask
questions, your response to their first questions will welcome (or shut them
down-depending on your reaction) to further questions over time.

 For instance, in visiting a new church. How do you introduce your child to
new adults and new children?

See above, :-). In introductions find commonalities."Hi, this is our
youngest child Brian, he is going into first grade this fall! He loves." For
general.if to a new teacher privately and there is a purpose in making her
aware of expectations or needs that is different.

 How do you direct your child to respond?

I directed Jordan the same as my other children. Hold out a hand to shake,
to greet politely and say "nice to meet you".adding name possibly.as he aged
I gave direction on the pleasantries of inquiring something friendly of the
other person-or some small talk greeting."Nice day we are having" "Are you
new here? I am too".etc. etc. It is NOT atypical for any very young child to
be shy or temporarily "rude" or uncharacteristically quiet however in
meeting new persons.and it is especially not atypical for those who tend to
be less assertive in personality altogether.

 My son will often "ignore" the greetings of other people. Assuming this is
an incidence where Brian clearly knows the person is greeting HIM.sometimes
we forget that if the speaker does not use Brian's (or whoever) name Brian
may not realize the speaker is talking to him. Blind people must often be
good listeners and only get from the context or inquiry that the
unidentified speaker is talking to them-or if in a conversation of more than
two that the question is directed at the blind person. Sighted people will
just change eye contact to the person to whom they are speaking.they do it
without thinking.also Brian has a fair amount of vision-in my experience
this appears MOST difficult for sighted people to wrap their brains
around-people in general have a hard time really thinking past the ends of
their own noses ;0, people (teachers and classmates often would seem to
'forget' Jordan was blind)-but this also happens with those who have no
vision too especially if their skills are great and really (from a sighted
person's perspective) they act/do 'normally'. 

I have had to do a lot of coaching to Jordan on this one. Some time ago I
posted regarding him still having some "issues" with this (unidentified
wavers and greeters in a crowd-but who clearly identified they were greeting
to HIM particularly), some thought I made too big a deal and especially now
at his age (18) to forgettabout it or drop it. I think they are wrong! :-) I
have been very strong to Jordan on this and disciplined him as being rude
like I would any other child, and he is making progress, I have to say for
him it has only come with age and he came a long way and sort of had a break
through this summer, but only after it happened again (at this age!! Grrr)
and I came down on him really hard and we had a serious discussion (again!)
of the implications-somehow his brain finally seemed to grasp the
significance of ignoring people. In employment and on U of MN campus.if he
passes someone and they greet him (by name) and he does not respond at
all-he gives wrong ideas about blindness (some will attribute his rudeness
to blindness!)-he also misses what may very possibly be an important
networking opportunity or friendship opportunity. If he gives a greeting
back but does not know to whom and he does not inquire-he may also lose out
on information that may help him in networking. I know you completely
understand this aspect Carolyn :-)

It does have something to do with his (Jordan's) personality style but it
also had to do with not being confident to acknowledge he could not identify
by vision.I find MANY who are really confident with their own blindness
overall still find asking "who are you?" to a non-identified greeting/er
somehow un-cool or uncomfortable.   

 He is low vision, and he will buzz around a room, putting his face 2 inches
from each table and toy to examine it,

Because he has low vision he can see stuff is there and it peaks his
curiosity-this is normal. If a child has no vision but gets out and about
and has had their curiosity stimulated and fed, they KNOW stuff is there and
they are curious to find out what it might be. this is normal. They should
in fact in my opinion be given opportunity and time that is appropriate to
find out exactly what is all in a new space. You might come in  early to a
new place, or stay late for a few times.he will have to be taught to channel
his curiosity to appropriate times (i.e. not during instruction in a class).
He will also need to learn zones and property that is NOT for exploration
without permission ( for example teacher's desk-classmates cubby or stuff or
locker). He will need to learn how to ask politely to look at stuff that
belongs to others.

 rushing past people without acknowledging their presence. 

Not sure of the context of this.? Do you mean he is brushing people and not
saying "excuse me"? 

The Sunday school teacher asks me if he needs anything special. I tell her
that she can encourage him to sit close to the front if there is a story or
movie, but otherwise, that she should not allow him to do anything the other
kids aren't allowed to do, and to expect him to do what they do (to not fail
to participate). However, I feel like I'm missing a lot in terms of offering
direction to him and to them.

At Brian's age I think it is helpful and appropriate in the beginning while
he is getting to know new people especially to let the teacher know it is
helpful for her to take the lead in identifying speakers or asking them to
identify themselves, to encourage Brain to inquire for identification if it
is apparent to her that he is not identifying.for her to describe visual
presentations well, to give the whole class opportunity to learn/think about
using all their senses.(meaning too a manipulative in a story-or
listening-or bringing in discussion of comprehension that can be shared or
benefit the whole class)to give the message that he needs what all her
students need, exactly, only getting information (sometimes-since he has
usable in near work) more through the other senses than sight. I would stay
away from always automatically giving him preferential close seating..he
needs to learn that he will not always get it and that he can participate
(teach him how) and enjoy without seeing. If there is open play she can
encourage him to participate if he is isolating himself by giving him
structured discovery questioning-(reminding him what is available, listening
or inquiring to what others may be doing)

I recall observing a child in class at school once during an indoor recess,
he knew where the toy/game options were, he went around the room and tried
to discover by inquiry what some groups were doing, a few he asked to
join-they said "no", he went on matter of factly, then he went to the game
cabinet and pulled out what he wanted, then he walked around the room
holding the game and with appropriate sound decibel :-) asked if anyone
wanted to play that game, after about a minute two kids said "I'll
play".that was just right in him being able to assert himself, I was so
proud of him!

 Also, to the other children who stare at his dark glasses and cane. I want
to be able to offer some reassurance that their curiosity is fine, and what
this is all about. 

In my experience with kids they will pretty quickly accept this is normal
for Brian and the staring stops, teaching Brain to answer the questions
himself matter of factly "Light bothers my eyes sometimes".many ways to say
it easily. find what Brian likes through role playing, same for explanation
of cane, sometimes kids (well, adults too!) accuse Jordan of LYING when he
says he is blind, you just have to teach them the new info to them that
many/most blind people have a little bit of vision.now you get into learning
to live with the lifelong questions of "how much can you see?" and learning
that you can never satisfy many or communicate exactly so best to help them
understand that is not the most important question but also to help them
understand in very general terms, "I see stuff best up real close" again you
have to find your own best explanations and none very often seem perfect :-)
Again your easy and cheerful response to questions will reassure their
curiosity is fine. And you can also think about having the class learn a bit
of Braille or a discussion on blindness sometime

The "tricky"/challenging/interesting/sometimes maddening thing I have found
at church in particular..hymns and lessons that mention blindness as
suffering and the healing of the blind.don't shy away from discussing
bringing it out at home, or in group, or talking with the teacher about when
it may come up as the "lesson" of the week (help her/him!) again matter of
factly, also in my experience some of the worst do-gooders-sympathetic
dripping drivel has come from people at church-so just be prepared and not
shocked ;) I know you have had some of that already

Love ya..Carrie

Suggestions greatly appreciated! Thanks! :) Carolynn

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