[blindkid] Advice needed about school incident

Thu Nov 5 05:41:11 UTC 2009

For any who don't know the connection I am Kendra's dad (and  
Stephanie's husband). Kendra is seven, and in the first grade. This is  
her first year in her new school. Overall, things have been going  
really well both at this school as well as her last. Her previous  
school went through kindergarten only and this is the school to which  
most of her classmates from her last school typically matriculate.

Kendra is the only blind child in the school, and to my knowledge the  
only blind child that either her regular ed or special ed teachers  
(this is a co-taught classroom) have ever had. Because so many things  
are new to this situation and especially to both of these teachers,  
many things are being learned and done "on-the-fly" the first time  
they come up. We do have an outstanding and very experienced TVI but  
she was not involved in this situation when it happened. Had she been  
there, I suspect none of this discussion would ever have come up; it  
would have been solved on the spot.

On top of everything else, Kendra's regular ed teacher was out sick  
the day this happened. My suspicion is that what happened caught the  
teacher who first learned of this so off-guard that she was virtually  
stupefied. No matter if it is typical or not for kids her age and  
younger, we've generally only had problems with kids arguing over who  
gets to walk with Kendra (fighting to HAVE a turn) when they pair off  
in twos or trying to be the one who hands Kendra her cane as they head  
to the door. (Followed by an adult explaining how nice it is that they  
want to help but that she knows where her cane is and she can [and  
will] get that herself.) There are lots of IEP kids at this school (as  
with her previous school-- WAY more than average) so most of these  
kids are quite used to dealing with diversity and should "know  
better"...

This is sort of a classic example of wanting to examine what happened  
in the context of what SHOULD have happened, but that is in the past.  
We needed to figure out the value of telling her that it did happen  
which after some thought and discussion is what we plan to do at this  
point; she needs to know and she should have learned right when it  
happened. Now that this has come up, we can also have a strategy for  
the future and be on the same page with the teachers at school. Try as  
one may, it is hard to have a plan for everything BEFORE it happens...

I think the real problem is that once the ideal response didn't happen  
as it should have, now it is much harder to know the exact proper  
approach; we are no longer "in the heat of battle". Kendra is really  
only just learning to try to understand what it means that others can  
"see", so the notion that others can see and use this magical power to  
steal from her is a concept that I was not really wanting to try and  
teach just yet, but we have to adjust the plan as the game is played...

Having no light perception at all, I think that the entire notion of  
sight is still a bit baffling to Kendra. We're not trying to keep the  
concept of sight a secret obviously, but we're still very much trying  
to help the concept of "vision" make some reasonable sense to her. In  
fact, I wonder if there are any no-light-perception-since-birth people  
on this listserv who can offer any suggestions to sighted adults  
trying to convey the concept of vision to a child who has never had  
any. Not what vision is for or what it does so much, as what it "is".  
I really can't understand how one would do that well for any  
completely absent sense. Any thoughts? What has worked for other  
parents who's kids have been totally blind since birth?

I can sort of imagine telling someone with really low vision, or even  
just light perception that some people can get a lot more information  
than a general shape (or just light and dark etc.) but where do you  
start with the explanation, again, given the experience of even a very  
bright seven year old in a way that is useful?

When it comes down to it, I guess the actual incident is not that big  
of a deal-- that one child took part of another's lunch. And if you  
were one typical kid grabbing another sighted kid's food, you would no  
doubt want to do that when that kid wasn't looking as well, so I  
cannot really put my finger on just how or why this seems so terrible,  
yet it still does... I mean on the one hand, we want to say everyone  
is the same and equal, but on the other, there is a weakness here (for  
lack of a better term) and somehow, right or wrong, it does seem to be  
a good deal more inappropriate (at least to me) to grab a blind kid's  
food than it does to sneak it from a sighted kid when he or she is not  
looking.

Richard

On Nov 4, 2009, at 3:30 PM, Susan Harper wrote:

> It happened at school.  The school should be responsible for talking  
> with
> her and then the students involved should tell her what they did and
> apologize, if and only if  you think your daughter is mature enough  
> to deal
> with this.  You may want to be the one to prep your daughter ahead  
> of time
> and be with her at school as a support.  School needs to be  
> responsible for
> school.  I don't know the age of your daughter, so this is my best  
> guess
> from the gut advice.  Let us know how it goes.
> Blessings
>
> On Wed, Nov 4, 2009 at 11:07 AM, Kieszak, Stephanie (CDC/CCEHIP/ 
> NCEH) <
> sek7 at cdc.gov> wrote:
>
>> I received this e-mail from my daughter's teacher this morning and  
>> don't
>> really know how to respond. Any suggestions? My gut reaction is that
>> telling her now doesn't really serve a purpose. Kendra is in first
>> grade.
>> Thank you.
>> Stephanie
>>
>> -----Original Message-----
>> Ms. Kieszak,
>>
>> Upon my return to school this week, I was informed that on Monday
>> (11/2),
>> two students from our class took some of Kendra's food during lunch
>> without her knowing. The two students received consequences for their
>> behavior on the day of the incident and further consequences when I
>> returned. Mrs. XX, our Assistant Principal, also spoke with them. I
>> wanted to let you know about the situation and to ask for your  
>> advice.
>>
>> Do you think we should tell Kendra what happened? If so, what do you
>> think
>> is a good approach to letting her know and by whom (i.e. one of us  
>> here
>> at
>> school or at home)?
>>
>>
>> Sincerely,
>> Mrs. YY
>>
>>
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