[blindkid] Teaching differences between boys and girls to blindkids?

[Heather]

Um, again, I don't think it is much different from teaching sighted 
children.  When you dress your baby and change your baby and bathe your baby 
you tell them about their body parts, all of their body parts if you are a 
responsible and well-informed parent, because the truth of the matter is 
that sexual predditors almost always use slang or pet terms for body parts, 
and children armed with knowledge, self awareness and accurate anatomical 
termonology are kids that are better protected from potential abuse and 
better prepared and empowered to report and stop abuse if it occurs.  Just 
as you tell your baby "Let's wash between your toes, doesn't that tickle? 
Now we'll wash your little feet.  Ok, leggs and bum and tummy." while 
bathing them, we also might say "I know your bottom hurts, but I've got to 
put some diaper balm on your bottom and on your penis too.  I know that 
feels weird, but you don't want this rash to spread."  When toddlers 
discover their genitals, right along with their toes, it is best to simply 
identify what they are exploring, not chastizing them or especially 
encouraging them.  A baby exploring their "private" parts is normal and 
natural, and discouraging this behavior can cause later body image issues. 
But as toddlers grow older we teach them the time and the place.  For 
instance, it is not unheard of for a two and a half year old to perade 
around proclaiming "vagina" or "penis" while proudly patting their diaper. 
Just as in potty learning times we don't discourage our child from suddenly 
stopping a meal or a coloring session to announce " poopy" or "need to pea", 
we do not discourage echnowledgement of private body parts.  But, as 
toddlers grow up their interest in bodily functions and individual body 
parts naturally wanes.  Kindergardiners learn that while their bodily 
functions and body parts are nothing to be ashamed of, that it is only 
neccessary to discuss them if they are hurting, have had an accident or have 
a new question about something that has happened.  We can never entirely 
stop our children from scratching under their arms or picking their noses or 
adjusting their underwear when it has migrated into their bottom cleft, but 
they learn to do this in private, to use cleanex over their finger if 
removing something especially stubborn from their nose, and to wash their 
hands after touching mucus membranes, and hopefully this will hold true for 
private body part exploration, so that when interest rekindles in the 
genitals, the child will not feel ashamed to masterbate and to take care of 
good personal hygene as it relates to sexual and reproductive health, as 
they enter adolescence but they will not be overly exhibitionist or 
obsessive either.  A girl who as an infant and a toddler was taught that she 
has a vagina, not a "down there" and who as a preschooler was helped with 
wetting accidents in a sensative and non-judging manner, and who as a 
kindergardiner was taught about her right to being in control of her own 
body will be the pre-teen that can talk openly with her mother about what to 
expect when she reaches menarche, and who will be able to consider women's 
sexual health issues such as using a menstral cup or cloth pads from a 
matter-of-fact point of view, who will not get into trouble with the opposit 
sex, for lack of knowledge of just what exactly does and does not put her at 
risk for pregnancy, STDs and STIs.

When children, blind or sighted are very young they will experience the body 
of their mother during breastfeeding, snuggling, etc, and with the exception 
of the genitals, pretty much everything else on men's and women's bodies 
will be explored.  Blind babies will touch their mother's smoothe cheeks and 
chin and notice that their father has stubble or facial hair.  The blind 
infant will notice the absence of breasts on men who hold them, the 
difference in the timbres of the voices of men and women.  They will even 
pick up on subtle things like the differences in cheekbone, nose and jaw 
contour, as they explore the faces of others.  This is not the false and 
stereotypical "blind people touching other people's faces" thing that you 
see in movies, this is something that all babies, blind and sighted do. 
They love to look at faces and touch faces.  Differences in height are 
conveyed not only in sight, but in how high above them voices come from 
auditorily, and the bodily kenesthetic difference in how high up the infant 
is lifted when mommy picks them up, vs. when daddy picks them up.  Infants, 
especially newborns can also smell the differences in hormone levels, 
especially testosterone and progestin.  The blind child is equally 
observant, noticing the larger hands of men vs. women, the differences in 
skin texture, and the over all differences in fat to muscle ratio.  Women 
should have a ten percent greater fat to muscle ratio than men, which is 
evident when you hug a man or a woman, as all children do with friends and 
family members.  Even if a child does not go groping around for the butt or 
breasts, their arms naturally feel the bust to waist to hip ratio that is 
obviously quite different on women to men, when participating in a healthy, 
normal, non-sexual hug with another person.  It is helpful if a blind child 
has younger sibblings that they can assist in dressing, and if they are old 
enough to supervise a baby on a changing table, in changing their younger 
sibblings.  I'm not saying that they should go nuts examining their baby 
brother or sister like a lab experiment or a fascinating little machine, and 
of course supervision is eesential to premote helping, not hurting, and to 
pick up on potential stress cues that the baby might be  sending but that 
the inexperienced older sibbling might not be used to, but if they are 
taught in a casual and unashamed way the proper way to clean the delicate 
private parts of a baby to prevent infection after a diaper change, they 
will have a good idea of how this all works and is different amung the 
sexes.  Anatomically correct dolls are not hard to find, and often unaltered 
family pets are a good teaching tool.  I remember my mother explaining to me 
that the little bumps on her guide dog's belly were nipples, and that they 
were for feeding puppies, but that mommy doggies didn't have breasts that 
stick out unless they have puppies, but humans have breasts that stick out 
all of the time, etc.

When sighted children potty learn it is important that they watch their 
parents using the toilet.  As early potty learners they will be interested 
in the sequence of sitting down, wiping, flushing, they love that part, and 
hand washing.  Eventually they progress to wanting to know what is going on, 
I.E. what is going into the toilet.  When they do start to realize that, if 
they are little boys, they need to aim their penis to get the urin into the 
potty, or to sit down if they need to defficate this can get a bit tricky, 
but it is not that complicated.  A sighted boy can see his father aim, and I 
wouldn't recommend having a father let his son touch him while he is aiming, 
but it would not be out of line for the father to help his son aim his own 
penis, and to talk to him about his son's own body.  It is no different from 
inspecting a diaper rash or properly cleaning, especially if a male toddler 
is not circomsized.  The same is true of girls.  They do not need to touch 
their mother's anatomy, but they can look at their own while their mother 
talks about it, or father, we have single parents, and it is all on the up 
and up.  Also, garments can be helpful.  Letting a child compare a men's 
undershirt with a bra, the fly on men's underware to the fly-free women's 
underware, etc.  Simply explaining that men have swimmsuits that are like 
shorts because their body parts take up more room and are on the outside and 
that women's body parts are on the inside and so their bathing suits can fit 
tighter, can be instructive.  Why not have a blind child explore small 
models of the naked greek and roman classic artwork, Michael Angelo's David 
anyone?  For families who breastfeed, there are some great nursing dolls, a 
mommy and a baby and the mommy doll has a nursing dress on with slits in the 
dress as are in adult nursing dresses and blouses.  It is important to show 
a blind child how things relate to the body, I.E. where a hem line or neck 
line or cuff of a garment falls, how those shift while moving, how a baby is 
placed in a carrier on an adult's body works well.  Baby ballet, baby swim 
and baby gymnastics is a great environment in which toddlers can discuss the 
placement of lims and gross motor movements without shame, such as, "Ok, you 
are going to jump and your feet will leave the trampoline, and you will land 
on your bottom, then bounce up and land on your feet, then on your bottom." 
when explaining a seat drop, or "Your center of gravity is here, so you need 
to spread your arms and your legs and concintrate on keeping this right over 
the balance beam." while touching their lower back and belly button to 
indicate where their center of gravity is.

Realistic and open-minded parents are the key here.  It would not be out of 
line for a blind child, not teen here, but child to touch the mother's 
breast while she is nursing, to see how she latches the baby, or honestly, 
for a teenage girl if she is curious.  It is the intent and the spirit in 
which all of this is done.  It is true that blind children can not see the 
pictures and films that are usually used to show boys what girl parts look 
like and girls what boy parts look like, but there are highly accurate 
plastic models available, and I hate to say it, but some high quality adult 
toys are very accurate, and if an appropriate one can be found, this is also 
acceptable depending on the age of the teen ager.  Also, birth is a 
wonderful miricle and this is a great teaching tool.  I know some blind men 
and women who have wittnessed, even helped a dog or a cat or a horse and 
one, even a goat deliver their offspring.  This does bring such termonology 
as vagina, cervix, plecenta and umbilical chord into a very real light, and 
it is highly appropriate.  When I was giving birth to my son, my midwife, 
doula and fiance could see the baby crowning and my blind mother felt it. 
Now, would I waltz into her room and say "Hey, mom, look at this thing that 
is going on with my vagina, or my breast."?  No, of course not.  If I had a 
minor concern I would describe it and ask her advice, but you can bet that 
if I suddenly went into labor I would want her to help me check my dilation, 
to help me deliver at home if it was an emergency.  Hell, even my father to 
help deliver a baby if he was the only one there.  I wouldn't go around 
asking my teen-aged son about his penis, but if he somehow managed to 
seriously injur it in someway, I can't imagine how, but if he did, I would 
not be squeemish about looking at it for him if we were talking about a life 
threatening issue.  Maybe this is just the mommy in me and the hippy in me, 
but I am just not a person who is easily embarrassed and never shamed. 
Child birth will do that to you.  In the hospital when I was getting the 
hang of nursing and one of my nipples was cracking, and the  nurse came in 
to check on me, I said hi, unzipped my night gown, whipped out my breast and 
asked her if I was bleeding.  She was a nurse, I was a newly nursing mom and 
I needed medical information.  I was a relatively comfortable woman before 
child birth, but I still asked in birthing class if I could keep a bra and 
panties on until I hit the pushing phase and how I could limit the number of 
people that would see me unclothed.  I laugh now when I hear prenatal women 
ask things like that, in a gently amused way you understand, not in a cruel 
way.  When I was in labor with all of that pain and all of those hormones I 
was zipping around my delivery room, naked as a snake, yelling and moaning 
and just wanting not to be in pain anymore and wanting people to see 
whatever body part they wanted if they could get my baby out quickly and 
safely.  So, to the dads on the list and the parents who have adopted and 
not had biological children, this might help you understand where I am 
coming from on all of this.

I think the only real instance in which a blind child would be at an extreme 
disadvantage would occur if the parents were so encredibly up-tight that 
they could not talk openly and honestly with their children.  It is sad when 
that happens though.  I met a blind girl at camp who didn't know how to put 
in a tampon and who could not go swimming because of that.  She knew that 
what was covered bhy her underwear was her vagina, but that was it.  She 
didn't know the different parts, and she thought that it was dirty and that 
if she didn't wash the heck out of her hands after going anywhere near it 
that she would get sick.  It took me literally sitting down with her and 
using my hand as a demonstration with the tampon and applicator and 
discussing good and bad bacteria and PH levels etc with her before she could 
stop worrying.  That is a real shame, but this is not spacific to blind 
children, it is a problem that many sighted boys and girls encounter.  Then 
again, I am a very open person confident in my body.  I am a breastfeeding 
mother who has often used my own baby and my own breast to demonstrate to a 
new mother struggling with latch issues some techniques that might help.  I 
have given demonstrations to blind and sighted young women, and young men on 
contraseption and safe sex.  One of my favorite and highly effective 
demonstrations involves taking a profalactic and putting it over my hand and 
arm, up to the elbo and telling them "Don't ever let your male partner tell 
you that it won't fit on them, because it fits over my entire fore-arm, and 
if they are larger than that, then they should immediatly seek out either 
medical attention or the ghinnis book of world records."  I digress, 
greatly, but the point is that with proper guidance and very little 
adaptation, a blind child should not have any more problems with sexual 
identity, gender identity and body image than any sighted teenager does, and 
they have their share of problems too.  Last thought.  It does help if your 
child has some close friends that they can explore with.  I'm not saying 
that they should be making out with their same sex friends at the age of 
ten, but girls putting on each other's makeup, fastening each other's bras 
and jewelery, brushing each other's hair, giving  massages, etc can help 
with most of the body comparison questions.  Having a boy involved in 
wrestling, martial arts, stage fighting and acting classes, etc or some 
other physical sport or activity in which they will naturally be required to 
touch another's body for demonstration purposes will give them a lot of 
feedback.  Having enlightened children who are, for instance, interested in 
learning how to give basic massages, taking the CPR course offered by the 
red cross, or in taking a dance class, or a sculpting class in which the 
instructor might ask all students, blind and sighted to close their eyes and 
touch the other person's face then sculpt it from memory are other potential 
learning outlets.  Will your blind son or daughter experience a jolt of 
excitement, fear, amazement, amusement, wonder, confusion and surprise when 
they explore their first sexual partner's body for the first time, in their 
teen-age or young adult years?  Yes, of course, but that is the case with 
sighted teens and young adults as well, and it should be that way.  Enough 
knowledge to be safe, healthy and prepared, enough mystery to make it 
special, unique and magical.  I hope that helps.
----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Gerardo Corripio" <gera1027 at gmail.com>
To: "BlindKids" <blindkid at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Monday, April 05, 2010 12:59 PM
Subject: [blindkid] Teaching differences between boys and girls to 
blindkids?


> HI guys: I'm curious as to how did or do you teach blind kids the
> differences between boys and girls when we can't see to automatically
> discover these for ourselves? The bad thing of not teaching in time (at
> least from what I remember) these differences comes in the teenage years
> when we as teenagers are in a situation in the pool or beach when we want 
> to
> feel with whom we're going sighted guide even though we know deep down 
> these
> behaviors aren't right socially but how to battle all these instincts we
> have as humans? Any thoughts or experiences on the subject?
> Gerardo
>
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