[blindkid] talking to a child about blindness

Thu Mar 11 20:42:45 UTC 2010

I agree with Carol, and speaking of self-advocacy and advocacy in  
general, if memory serves, around age 2 or 2-1/2 is about the time I  
first remember Kendra being old enough to get involved in things like  
music classes, gymnastics and such, so that was the time when we  
really started having a lot more encounters with strangers who would  
at times react-- well, "unpredictably" I guess is the best term?

This was the time was when we really had to really start speaking up  
for Kendra, to help her learn how to do the same for herself as she  
got older.

As soon as Kendra began wearing painted prosthetics, especially when  
her cane was not in hand, she didn't "look" blind at all. Kids,  
especially small kids would look confused as she would sometimes  
appear to be staring almost directly through them. One day after gym  
class, a little boy was perplexed and began to wave his hand in front  
of her. She failed to react and the boy was really confused. His  
parent was mortified, grabbed the boy's hand and told him to "stop"! I  
quickly said it was okay, that Kendra could not see him; her eyes  
worked differently than his. The boy looked satisfied and the  
"problem" was more or less resolved just that quickly. Hopefully, he  
also got the message that is was not wrong to be curious about her  
blindness and he need not be afraid of her because she has no vision.  
I think (and certainly hope) the parent may even have learned a bit  
that day, too.

With his parent still right there, I gently asked the child if he had  
any questions, or words to that effect. He really didn't, but the  
situation was totally different from that point on with them when we'd  
see them in class, etc.. This was the first I can recall of of many  
encounters with curious kids. We still have them rather often. When we  
do, we respond directly, calmly and to the point. Of corse the cane is  
really only a clue for the parents and even with them, many don't  
catch on too quickly. (I find that surprising.) I assume it is because  
they see few blind people with canes and even fewer cane-traveling kids.

When our daughter was a baby, for a short time, she wore thick glasses  
(before she lost what vision she had). I remain amazed how many  
parents asked why she was wearing "those cute glasses". Some truly  
assumed they were a fashion statement and nothing more. Again, I  
suspect it is just seeing something quite unusual and then their  
brains malfunction. I don't think any of those who asked were ever  
trying to be inappropriate or hurtful. Every time we can manage to, we  
use these people's questions as an opportunity to educate.

These days, when appropriate, we encourage Kendra to speak for herself  
about things too and she tends to do just that--

"Why do you have that stick?" "This is my cane, it helps me see where  
I'm going.", etc., Things like that. Much more often though, it is  
just Kendra taking charge when she hears a voice she does not know--  
"Hi, what's your name?!!" is something we hear daily, often many times  
a day from her.

It is interesting too, how Kendra's little brother (with typical  
vision) follows her example and just like his big sister is quick to  
announce, "Hello. I'm Kendra", as soon as she hears other kids  
talking, he'll walk up to another 3 or 4-year-old and immediately  
announce, "Hi, I'm RJ!"

For Kendra, I think all of this stems from a growing awareness of her  
situation and the knowledge that it is, as the NFB likes to say,  
"respectable to be blind".

Richard

On Mar 11, 2010, at 12:33 PM, Carol Castellano wrote:

> Hi,
>
> I think your instinct to talk about being blind in a normal way is  
> absolutely correct and one of the keys to having your daughter grow  
> up to calmly accept all parts of herself, including her blindness.   
> Others have mentioned the many ways we in the Federation help  
> parents do this.  Our kids are listening.  As we speak to our  
> families, neighbors, teachers, and others in the community, they are  
> hearing the words we use to describe and discuss their blindness.   
> So learn and use the positive language; then, when your child is  
> older, this will be familiar and natural to her and she will begin  
> to take on her own self-advocacy.  Make sure she meets other blind  
> children and adults so that she has an expanded sense of normalcy.
>
> You've probably heard or read that we often describe blindness as  
> just another characteristic.  You might hear someone say, "my son,  
> who happens to be blind..." etc.  This is another helpful way to  
> discuss her blindness.  "Daddy's tall.  Mommy's short.  You're going  
> to be tall just like Daddy.  Mommy's got red hair.  You've got red  
> hair just like Mommy.  Our friend Joe is blind.  You're blind like  
> Joe.  We all have different parts to ourselves and that's part of  
> what makes the world a wonderful place."  That sort of thing.
>
> When Serena was little, we called her brother (sighted) Eagle Eye,  
> because he really had a great visual talent and could always find  
> little items that had fallen on the floor.  We called Serena (still  
> do) the Big Ears and the Family Memory.  I think you can figure out  
> why!
>
> Another aspect of this is that sighted parents usually do not know  
> how blind people accomplish various tasks, so when things like this  
> come up, you can tell you're daughter, "Oh, we'll have to call Joe  
> and find out how grown up blind people take the cookie pan out of  
> the oven" or whatever.  In other words, in all parts of life, you  
> can facilitate your daughter's feeling comfortable and empowered.
>
> Best of luck!
>
> Carol
>
> Carol Castellano, President
> National Organization of Parents of Blind Children
> 973-377-0976
> carol_castellano at verizon.net
> www.nfb.org/nopbc
>
>
> At 05:58 AM 3/12/2010, you wrote:
>> Hi, I wondered if any of you could share with me the different ways  
>> you have talked to your children about being blind. The ways to  
>> explain it, or how to answer questions they might have. My daughter  
>> is 2.5 and I want to talk with her about it in a normal sort of  
>> way. I don't want to make her feel like there is something "wrong"  
>> with her, don't want to use the "your eyes are broken", as from my  
>> mind, that would be negative. I want to just be able to talk about  
>> it in a gentle normal sort of way, any help would be appreciated. I  
>> just don't want to say the wrong thing.
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