[blindkid] Dealing with selfish behavior

Mon Jun 2 20:13:50 UTC 2014

Allison.
You make a very good point about special privaleges.  Kids do get that 
message that we are special because we are blind.  It also makes the other 
kids more resentful.  I remember overhearin my peers discussing me and how I 
didn't need anything that I was getting and I was getting it because I was 
blind.  that is something that should be considered.  I probably had times 
as well where i received special treatment and thought that it was good 
because I am blind.  the flip side is that other children will befriend the 
blind child because she or he gets the special privaliges.  that has been my 
experience and also it doesn't help blind children have diffeculties with 
friendships.  Just my thoughts.
 Melissa R Green and Pj
Clouds come floating into my life, no longer to carry rain or usher storm, 
but to add color to my sunset sky.

----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Allison Hilliker via blindkid" <blindkid at nfbnet.org>
To: "oandemom ." <traci.mwd at gmail.com>; "Blind Kid Mailing List, (for 
parentsof blind children)" <blindkid at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Monday, June 02, 2014 8:54 AM
Subject: Re: [blindkid] Dealing with selfish behavior

Hi Traci,

Sounds like you've been having quite a rough time! I think your idea about 
having your daughter do volunteer work is a good one and you're on the right 
track there.

I have a different theory of what could be behind her selfish behavior that 
no one else here has mentioned yet. It's just a guess though because I've 
never met your daughter...

Could some of her bossiness and selfish behavior come from special 
privelages she's given because she's blind? I know most of us don't think we 
give blind kids special privledges, but even if we don't, teachers and other 
adults in their lives might be.

Wwhen I was a kid, my 3rd grade teacher always let me walk at the head of 
the line because I was partially blind. I was so young then that I didn't 
even realize that my blindness was the reason for this special treatment. In 
my 8-y-o brain, I just thought that the teacher believed I was better and 
smarter than the other kids so I got to walk up front. When I later learned 
otherwise, I didn't want to be at the front anymore. But for a while, I had 
a misguided belief that I was somehow better than the other kids. That, 
combined with my naturally strong personality, probably made me kinda bossy.

The point is that, whether we do it directly or indirectly, or whether we 
mean to or not, we often give blind kids special privledges. Because these 
kids are young and still learning how the world works, this special 
treatment can be misinterpreted and lead the child to believe that she's 
just better somehow and doesn't have to play by the same rules as everybody 
else.

I'd recommend thinking about the areas in your daughter's life where she 
might accidentally be getting the message that she's better or more 
deserving somehow. Are there any chors that she doesn't have to perform just 
because she's blind? Does she ever get to skip assignments in class that 
other students have to do? Does she get special rules/treatment when groups 
of kids are playing games? There are dozens of possible areas where a blind 
kid could be getting special privledges and those privledges can have the 
unintended consequence of making her feel more important than other people.

Just a thought. Hope it was helpful.

Best,
Allison

-----Original Message-----
From: blindkid [mailto:blindkid-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of oandemom . 
via blindkid
Sent: Sunday, June 01, 2014 2:21 PM
To: Blind Kid Mailing List, (for parents of blind children)
Subject: [blindkid] Dealing with selfish behavior

Hello!  I have a daughter, 9 and VI, who tends to be bossy and selfish.  I 
feel I have to watch her interact with other children b/c she has a strong 
personality and she wants to control what is being played.  I do my best on
this front.   Lately she has been very selfish, unless it is something that
benefits her, she isn't interested (you would think she is a teenager!) - 
its very frustrating.  We talk about how she isn't allowed to disrupt our 
family with her behavior (I do have some guidance from a special behavior 
preschool that she attended but I'm going off what I remember back then, but 
she attended mostly due to her social skills) - that she has to be a helpful 
part of this family and do as she is told, etc.  Today, I have been reduced 
to making her write something 100 times because I just don't know what to do 
with her anymore.

I am trying to find some volunteer opportunities to have her give of her 
time to help others and to think of others, but I know she will think it is 
fun, b/c she is "working"  - she loves to work.  She may like it for 5 min 
and then be done, so it may actually work out okay, but I need to try it.
I thought of soup kitchens, but she won't get that visual effect that is 
what I'm really looking for to make her have an appreciation of what she 
does have.

I don't really think taking things away from her will work, b/c she doesn't 
even know half the stuff in her room, she is so out of sight, out of mind.

Does anyone know of any volunteer activities that they have done or seen 
that a 9 year could be included in and really get something out of it.  We 
talk all the time about how there are many kids who don't have what she has, 
etc etc, but it just doesn't click with her, as I'm sure it doesn't for many 
kids her age.

I would appreciate ANY suggestions!!!

Thanks,
Traci
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