[blindkid] Dealing with selfish behavior

Wed Jun 4 20:22:07 UTC 2014

Thanks for your supportive words Marianne, they made me cry.  I hope she
will understand that I'm only trying to help her, even though I too, keep
saying the same things over and over.  :)

Traci

On Wed, Jun 4, 2014 at 12:35 PM, Marianne Denning via blindkid <
blindkid at nfbnet.org> wrote:

> I just had a flash this morning.  I wonder if part of the selfish
> behavior is because other kids appear to be selfish to us.  When kids
> are mean, whisper behind our backs, try to play tricks on us...do we
> respond by becoming selfish.  If they don't want anything to do with
> me then I don't want anything to do with them either.  My mom always
> told me to have a friend I had to be a friend.  She had sayings for
> everything.  I thought I had it worse off than anyone else in the
> world.  SHe told me that wasn't true and being the smart mouth I was,
> I said they certainly don't live anywhere near me.  I always thought
> Mom didn't understand.  Now, as an adult, I know her heart was
> breaking but she couldn't let that show.  I finally heard her message
> and had a wonderful time in college.  I had friends and was involved
> in activities.  I think we all grew up enough that we could be
> accepting of each other.  I did not attend a college where there were
> other blind students and did just fine.  I think it takes many years
> of saying the same thing over and over again before children hear the
> message.  I, as an adult, told Mom she was my hero.  I owe so much of
> what I have become to her because she kept saying the same thing over
> and over again.  She never joined me in my pity party.
>
> Families bring back so many memories of my childhood.  Thank you for
> that because it helps me understand my students better.  Those were
> very rough years but I learned a lot through all of those struggles.
>
> On 6/4/14, Linda A.Coccovizzo <Linda.Coccovizzo at mcckc.edu> wrote:
> > Wow.  This thread has been everything I've been thinking and feeling
> since I
> > was probably a kid.  It's almost like a manual on what makes blind kids
> > tick.  :-) I now have two kids of my own who are also blind, as I am.  I
> > never had an aid, or paraprofessional In class with me, and I think I
> > related to kids my age a whole lot better than my kids do now.  My family
> > also lived in situations that were more conducive to me playing outside
> with
> > other kids my age.  I put up with a lot of "let's see how we can trick
> the
> > blind kid."  I wanted friends, so I put up with a lot.  I learned some of
> > that harsh reality stuff like people only hanging out with me because
> they
> > were told to, or worse, they were somehow made to feel they were to be
> > responsible for me.  We had some religious differences, which made things
> > even more interesting, because that set me apart from the other kids as
> > well.  I think I related to adults more too, as I got older, because for
> the
> > most part, they were safe.  They weren't going to try and run from me, or
> > take things away, or pit others against me because I was blind.  Mingling
> > with people is still a struggle for me.  Of course it would be easier to
> > just surround myself with my small circle of friends, because there's no
> > danger there.  My girls won't learn anything if I do that though.
> >
> > Our living situations haven't been the best for creating social
> situations.
> > When Sarah and Terra were very little, we bought a house on a busy farm
> > road, and there were literally no kids in the neighborhood.  We built
> them
> > an awesome playhouse and stuff so they could be outside and have a fun,
> safe
> > area to play.  We made a decision to move to a larger city three years
> ago,
> > and I did try and give them opportunities to spend time with neighborhood
> > kids.  They would get outside though, and then I would find the novelty
> for
> > the kids would wear off, and they would run off, and find something else
> to
> > do that didn't involve the girls.  I let some of the kids come in and
> play
> > with the girls, but that family moved soon after, and that stopped.  We
> now
> > live on a cultisac, and at first there were lots and lots of kids to play
> > with.  I noticed things like what some of you all talked about with the
> > bossiness, and the girls, especially Sarah, creating little games and
> songs
> > and try and make the girls follow what she wanted to do all the time.
>  Mean
> > old mom had to step in and try and explain to her that if she didn't try
> and
> > recognize some of their interests, they were going to get bored, and
> tired
> > of playing with her so much. I also started seeing kids try and pull
> some of
> > the same stuff that happened when I was a kid.  Last fall, one of the
> kids
> > handed Sarah, my oldest, a piece of "ABC" gum, and she took it.  I
> flipped.
> > If she's going to be passive enough to take that, then what else will she
> > take from some kid?  She was a year away from middle school, and I
> probably
> > don't even have to tell you the thoughts I had.  She got a very serious
> > talking to over that, and I can only hope she understood what we were
> saying
> > to her.  Mostly it seems that the girls dwell on the fact that my
> talking to
> > them, no matter how I try and use an even tone of voice or whatever,
> means I
> > am mad at them.  They react the same to teachers and the like.  I wonder
> if
> > not having that ability to make eye contact makes a difference there.
> >
> > I did have some issues with VI programs wanting to have
> paraprofessionals in
> > the classrooms with the girls.  My oldest daughter has some cognative
> > delays, which didn't help discourage that any.  I now have them in the
> best
> > possible situation I think there is for them though.  There are no
> > paraprofessionals in the classrooms with them.  There is pull-out time
> set
> > aside in the IEP for braille, as well as a small amount of push-in time.
> > This is time when either the TVI, or the brailest goes into the
> classroom to
> > work with them in that setting to se how they can help them best, and
> tailor
> > the brailing to their needs.  Independence is strongly encouraged.
>  There is
> > no tolerance for them allowing others to do for them, when they can do
> for
> > themselves just fine.
> >
> > I have them both in girl scouts, where they have only been for a year.
>  This
> > is a work in progress, because the girls are quite self-involved, and the
> > whole point of being a girl scout is to work for others.  I am realizing
> > that I can push them into these social situations, but socialization is
> up
> > to them.  I can guide them as to what is appropriate and what's not, the
> > best I know how, and that's all I can do.  It's tough for me as well,
> > because I am trying to connect with my sighted peers at the same time I
> am
> > trying to help the girls make that connection.  I have also worked with
> Big
> > Brothers Big Sisters, and they now both have a big.  Sometimes I think
> this
> > might be a step backwards, because there again, it's a connection with
> one
> > single adult.  However, it's an opportunity for them to get out and have
> > some experiences they might not otherwise have.  It's such a fine line.
>  I
> > can only hope that I am doing right by them, giving them chances to
> > experience as much as possible, while trying to guide them in the right
> > direction.
> >
> > My husband is an introvert, which has complicated things oh so much more.
> > It has always been a fight to get him to take part in getting the girls
> to
> > activities and things.  That is also a work in progress, which could
> > constitute an entirely different thread.  :-) I have explained to him
> that
> > he needs to do things, not because I am blind and I can't, but because
> he is
> > Dad, and he just should.
> >
> > I have appreciated all of your ensightful emails.  Tracy, I totally get
> > where you are coming from, because I have many of the same concerns with
> my
> > girls.  I think kids can generally be selfish, because it's hard for us
> as
> > parents to not make everything all about them.  I know I find myself
> > spending my every free moment trying to think up what cool gadget, toy,
> or
> > thing I can make happen for them next.  Now Now if I can get my husband
> to
> > read this thread, that would be awesome.  .
> >
> > -----Original Message-----
> > From: blindkid [mailto:blindkid-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of
> Marianne
> > Denning via blindkid
> > Sent: Tuesday, June 03, 2014 2:27 PM
> > To: Traci W; Blind Kid Mailing List, (for parents of blind children)
> > Cc: Eric Calhoun
> > Subject: Re: [blindkid] Dealing with selfish behavior
> >
> > Do you live near a major metropolitan area where an organization for the
> > blind has weekend activities?
> >
> > Does she have a full-time aid in school?  Sometimes, the aid, without
> > meaning to, gets in the way of communication between the blind student
> and
> > peers.
> >
> > I had one really close friend through school.  As an adult, I still don't
> > have a lot of close friends.  I think that is just who I am.  I have
> blind
> > friends who have a lot of friends.  I am an introvert so can be very
> happy
> > alone.  I also really enjoy getting together with a small group of
> people.
> > My husband, the extravert, does not understand it at all.
> >
> > I just want to be sure we aren't blaming her blindness for every problem
> she
> > has.  It is the easy and obvious thing but we all have our unique
> > personality and the goal is to help her be a successful person throughout
> > life.
> >
> > I would love to meet your daughter because she sounds a lot like me when
> I
> > was young.  I was "stubborn" according to my mom.  That has served me
> well
> > as an adult but got me into trouble too many times as a child.
> >
> > On 6/3/14, Traci W via blindkid <blindkid at nfbnet.org> wrote:
> >> Yes. She is 9. She communicates just fine!  I have to encourage her to
> >> email her friends and grandparents. I tell her she has to do her part
> >> to have a full friendship. She cant be just a taker, she has to give as
> >> well.
> >>
> >> I would like to get her to a camp but we go to school year round and
> >> most camps are in July and August when we are in school. We are out
> during
> >> June.
> >> I think NY has a vi camp but not keen on sending her so far away.
> >> Haven't found a camp nearby that works yet either, most don't ramp up
> >> til July. Even non vi.
> >>
> >> Traci
> >>
> >> Sent from my iPhone
> >>
> >>> On Jun 3, 2014, at 1:43 PM, Eric Calhoun via blindkid
> >>> <blindkid at nfbnet.org> wrote:
> >>>
> >>> Hi guys, for those wishing to contact me, I will include my info below.
> >>> Traci, how old is your daughter and would she be able to communicate
> >>> with kids her age and older?  I say this, because camping may be the
> way
> >>> to go.
> >>>
> >>> Encourage her to pen pal or e-mail pal with her camp mates, and
> >>> interact, interact, interact.  This is how I developed my personality.
> >>>
> >>> eric at pmpmpmail.com; 916-889-4809
> >>> ..
> >>>
> >>> ..
> >>>
> >>> Sighted and blind people, Eric from Los Angeles.  Here's where you
> >>> can find me: The all-new Stairs to Heaven Christian Line,
> >>> 712-432-4808, Room 9; the all-new Eric Calhoun Magazine; to
> >>> subscribe, send a message to eric at pmpmail.com, with the subject line,
> >>> "The Eric Calhoun Magazine."; talking Dodger Baseball, let's talk
> >>> Dodgers!:
> >>> lets-talk-dodgers-subscribe at emissives.com, or go to
> >>> www.emissives.com, and click on Directory of Lists; my
> >>> general-interest group, erics_chat_session-subscribe at emissives.com,
> >>> or go to www.emissives.com and click on Directory of Lists, and on
> >>> Facebook at eric at pmpmail.com.  The Eric Calhoun Magazine is free of
> >>> charge in your email!  You are the star of the show!  All we ask is
> >>> that when you submit a Special Notice, that it is free and legal.
> >>> You may also submit articles, Pen Pals, and tidbits.  In
> >>> 2014:
> >>> Try to be good to each other!
> >>> _______________________________________________
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> >>
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> >>
> >
> >
> > --
> > Marianne Denning, TVI, MA
> > Teacher of students who are blind or visually impaired
> > (513) 607-6053
> >
> > _______________________________________________
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> >
>
>
> --
> Marianne Denning, TVI, MA
> Teacher of students who are blind or visually impaired
> (513) 607-6053
>
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-- 
Traci Wilkerson
Cell – 919-971-6526