[humanser] A not so good experience

Sat Feb 27 17:17:50 UTC 2010

Hi:

Your experience brings me back many years to a time when I was injured by 
such behaviors.  At one time I had decided to write down a message to just 
hand out to any and everyone who offended me as a blind person.  It has 
taken me a long time to figure out that some people are just plain annoying 
and that my blindness is not of great interest to them.  I think that it 
dawned on me one day when a crowded street in New York when I had bumped 
into a man, he responded by yelling at me, "What's the matter with you are 
you blind?"  My white cane answered him plainly and he vanished into the 
crowd.

I never handed out my angry blind fliers, and I'm glad that I didn't.  They 
would not have helped.

I find that as you get to be known in the school/community/organization in 
which you work that, slowly, people will learn to accept you for your 
talents and abilities.  I have a patient in treatment who was the first 
black person to enter his college, the first male to enter his nursing 
school and the first gay male to adopt a child in his state  - we are not 
alone but are all following in other's footprints in a long line of those 
who have been discriminated against.

JD Townsend, LCSW
Daytona Beach, Florida, Earth, Sol System
Helping the light dependent to see.

----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Kathy McGillivray" <kjm at usfamily.net>
To: "Human Services Mailing List" <humanser at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Thursday, February 25, 2010 5:19 AM
Subject: Re: [humanser] A not so good experience

> Hi, Cari. Thanks for sharing this experience. I wouldn't e too hard on
> yourself. We all have these moments and they can be really frustrating on
> multiple levels. At the same time, it's good you want to learn from the
> experience. I have a few ideas, but am sure others can chime in.
>
> First, think about how you would have liked to respond. It can sound 
> cheesy,
> but even go over in your mind some alternatives. Examples might be saying
> things to the student like, "I'm glad there are some other resources here
> for you. I'm wondering if we could try figuring this out. If that doesn't
> work, let's have you work with the teacher." Another thing, believe it or
> not, is to tell yourself to breathe. I know all of us counselor types have
> told our clients this stuff a million times, but it's true. Sometimes, 
> just
> taking some time to breathe for a minute before responding can really help
> us calm down. Another thing you can try if you know this type of situation
> is a trigger for you to "make a sceen" is to give yourself a quick rest 
> room
> break. Sometimes, just removing yourself for a couple of minutes can help
> you process a little bit.
>
> I know none of these ideas are rocket science. It would be worth checking 
> in
> with the student to see how things are going. their learning style and 
> your
> tutoring style may differ a little bit and both of you may need to make 
> some
> adjustments.
>
> Then, here's the hard part. We all need to remind ourselves when working
> with students, clients, etc, that it is really about them and getting 
> their
> needs met, not about us. That can be super hard, sometimes. I feel these
> things sometimes when i work with students who have learning disabilities. 
> I
> want to be able to see their disorganized backpack, schedule, or whatever. 
> I
> want to be able to point to the example on their sheet or easily highlight
> or draw something for them. I can't usually do that. So, sometimes I'll 
> have
> a student work with one of my staff members to get some of that visual
> feedback.
>
> With all that said, I would have been really annoyed and would have felt
> humiliated, too. Part of these types of experiences is that they bring 
> back
> other times when sighted people have jumped in to solve things for us. We
> have to look at those internal messages which we are hearing and decide
> whether we believe them or not.
>
> Thanks for being vulnerable to the list in this way. These are the kinds 
> of
> things we need to be talking about because this experience you had is 
> going
> to happen again and again and again and it can be a pain. for what it's
> worth, as I've gotten older and experienced more healing and grace in my
> life, I've found that I can step back and give that to others more. I 
> don't
> tend to internalize these things as much. And sometimes, you have to "fake
> it till you make it" when it comes to interacting with others around
> blindness. Sometimes, that means saying thank you to someone, even when 
> I'd
> rather punch them in the nose.
>
> One more thing. You may think the teacher was getting involved because you
> are blind, but I can tell you that the teacher probably does this with 
> other
> tutors, as well. You are a peer tutor, after all. It may not be about
> blindness as much as it is about the teacher wanting to jump in and help
> anyone in that way.
>
> Thanks for sharing your experience in such a clear way. I'll be interested
> to see how others respond.
>
> Kathy McGillivray
> ----- Original Message ----- 
> From: "Cari Kness" <carisuekness at gmail.com>
> To: "human service list" <humanser at nfbnet.org>
> Sent: Thursday, February 25, 2010 3:27 AM
> Subject: [humanser] A not so good experience
>
>
>> Hi All,
>> I had an experience today that I'm really upset about. Not only am I 
>> upset
>> about the experience itself, I'm upset about the way I handled it. I 
>> bring
>> this up because I have no doubt that I'll have to deal with similar
>> experiences in the future. I'm looking for some feedback of more
>> appropriate ways of handling this and some suggestions of what I can do
>> either now or in the future.
>> I'm a free lance peer tutor at school. I tutor elementary and 
>> intermediate
>> algebra. I have a student who is returning to school and she happens to 
>> be
>> in the Human Service associate degree program as I am. I worked with her
>> for the second time today. My favorite spot happened to be taken today so
>> my student suggested we go to the learning center lab. The learning 
>> center
>> is for students who have learning disabilities or who are getting their
>> High school equivalency. The learning center is staffed with several full
>> time teachers and some student tutors who have regular shifts there. I
>> know a hand full of the teachers and a few students working there and 
>> more
>> who use the service. I normally don't like to work there either as a 
>> tutor
>> or student being tutored because people around us may need it quiet for
>> test taking and the like. Today since my student suggested we go there I
>> decided to go along with it. I figured, "after all, what's the worst 
>> thing
>> that can happen?" We started working and all was good until it was time 
>> to
>> move on to the next concept in the book. She has been out sick for the
>> last few class periods and has not seen this stuff yet. The way I've been
>> working it is to go over the examples in the book verbally with the
>> student. This way I'll know what we are doing and the student has another
>> chance to go over the concepts and express what they need help doing.
>> Apparently my student today didn't read completely what the book was
>> saying. I'm new to this tutoring thing and I'm not a 100% math goddess.
>> I'm only human. Well, because I didn't have a clear picture about what we
>> were doing I followed the directions and got confused trying to relate
>> back to how I learned the same stuff a year ago. My student called over a
>> learning center teacher. I felt like a total idiot. I tried to express to
>> this teacher that I'm a peer tutor and that I've been working with this
>> student for the past hour or so. The student insisted on working with the
>> teacher. I felt so belittled, embarrassed, horrified and invalidated. I
>> felt like she was going to that teacher because I'm blind and don't know
>> what I'm talking about. The teacher decided to take over for a while and
>> after that she lingered. She finally went away for a while and then kept
>> drifting back. I was really offended both at the student and the teacher.
>> I made it clear that I didn't care for the way this session was going and
>> I did everything in my power to both take back my control and not make a
>> major scene. I did end up making a little scene and I never felt
>> completely back in control.
>> I know I learned in the tutor training that the student tutor is one of
>> many resources offered and that the tutor should encourage the students 
>> to
>> use every resources necessary. I guess I didn't expect that a student
>> would call another teacher over. It would be different if the teacher was
>> the math teacher but it wasn't. I tried to back peddle and explain why I
>> reacted like I did but I don't think my student really understood. So, I
>> was unhappy with the way things unfolded and I was unhappy with the way I
>> handled myself. I'm sure I made a total ass out of myself. I felt that 
>> the
>> teacher was hanging around because she didn't feel that I could 
>> adequately
>> help my student because I'm blind.
>> I'm sure this will come up again with future coworkers, clients and their
>> families etc.  How do I get over the "blindness knee jerk" reaction? Are
>> there specific ways I can assert myself without making a total ass of
>> myself and yet get my point and position across?
>> Thanks for listening and in advance for any thoughts.
>> Peace,
>> Cari
>>
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>
>
>
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