[nabs-l] Independent Travel At Crowded MajorCollegeSportingEvents
H. Field
missheather at comcast.net
Sat Nov 13 00:03:08 UTC 2010
Hello Kerri,
Unfortunately, comparing these two experiences is like comparing
apples and oranges. The people at the bar have seen you before, the
people at the stadium have not.
This was not a test at all. You have been going to this bar for a long
time and, the whole time, you have shown every patron in the bar that
you need assistance to get to the rest room. For months they've
watched you demonstrate that you cannot independently take yourself to
the rest room. Then, suddenly, you set off alone to find it and expect
that all the patrons who have watched you be guided to the rest room
every night you've been there, will somehow, psychically know that you
don't need help. What's more, they are supposed to watch you wander
about, knowing that you always need guidance, because that's what
you've shown them in the past, and not offer you help.
Kerri, this was not well thought out and is in no way any kind of a
comparison to your visit to the stadium. The only way you will
convince the patrons at the bar that you are capable of getting
yourself to the rest room is to make a public announcement over the
microphone that you're working on your independence skills and that
you'd welcome encouragement but that you don't need any actual help.
As you're a regular at this bar I'm sure everyone will be happy to
encourage you. But, you can't teach them that you need guidance for
months and then suddenly expect that they won't help you when you go
wandering off alone. As for how do you get people to let you do things
for yourself, you tell them what you're doing. Saying, "I'm good" is
rediculous. They can see that you're obviously lost and that, in their
mind, you're not good. Such a comment adds to their beliefs about your
incompetence. You're saying your're good, but you are lost. For you to
think you are good while you are obviously lost seems crazy to them,
so they assume you don't know what you're talking about. Much like
they would think about a child. This is quite reasonable thinking.
They don't know about the abilities of blind people with goods skills,
or about how structured discovery learning works. You will need to
educate them. As you go there regularly, you need to take the time to
explain to the people who offer help why you don't want assistance.
Explain what you're doing and why you're doing it. This is how you
make friends. You meet people, you talk to them, they get to know you
and you build relationships. You talk to people Kerri.
You need to say what you're doing. Try saying. "I'm walking around to
learn where everything is so that I can take myself where I need to go
instead of getting help all the time." This sounds like a reasonable
explanation to me. Why wouldn't you tell them what you were doing?
This is not difficult Kerri. Furthermore, you need to remember that
you have trained the regular people at the bar to believe you need
help. Therefore, this is not a typical siguation where you go to a new
place and walk around learning where everything is. If you tell
sighted people that your way of looking around is to walk around and
check out where things are by touch, smell, sound etc. they will
understand perfectly and let you alone.
As for the man with a harsh voice, why would you possibly find this
frightening? He didn't try to help you without permission, or grab
you or anything unkind. or assume he knew what you wanted, he simply
asked where you were going. If you plan to get out and about in the
world you're going to need to cultivate the attitude that most people
you'll ever meet are your friends. The poor guy probably just used his
usual voice which happens to be a bit raspy, or maybe it sounded a bit
odd because he was speaking loud because of the noise in the bar.
Kerri, if you want to enjoy life and the independence you are seeking
to develop you're going to need to stop looking for things to be
scared of. In your position I would have asked him his name and asked
if he came to the bar often. I would tell him I was glad he had such a
unique voice because it made him easy to remember. I'd tell him I came
often and invite him to say "hi" when he saw me next. I'd thank him
for his assistance. I be telling myself that now I at least knew one
regular at the bar and be hoping he'd say hi next time. That way
perhaps he'd tell his friends to say "hi" as well. I would not be
breathing a sigh of relief and taking comfort in the fact that at
least the scary man with the harsh voice went away so quickly.
If you want people to treat you like an adult then you'll have to
speak to them as equals, telling them what you're doing and telling
them how they can be helpful if they want to help. People usually want
to be friends Kerri, they're not out to get you. Start with that
belief and your travel/discovery experiences will be much more joyful.
And please, don't compare apples with oranges and use the unpleasant
results as something to encourage fearfulness. By all means, be smart
and plan wisely. Think things through and ask advice. But don't spend
time looking for things to worry about. Life has plenty of real
problems for you to solve without you inventing them.
Have a good time at the football and let us know how things went. And,
remember! you are among a crowd of basically nice people.
Regards,
Heather
----- Original Message -----
From: "Kerri Kosten" <kerrik2006 at gmail.com>
To: "National Association of Blind Students mailing list"
<nabs-l at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Friday, November 12, 2010 12:48 AM
Subject: Re: [nabs-l] Independent Travel At Crowded
MajorCollegeSportingEvents
Hi All!
Okay, there may be a problem with my little plan lol...I don't know...
I go to a bar every week for karaoke. The bar gets very loud, crowded,
and obviously people drink...I do not but others do.
I am ashamed to admit this but until recently I had the bartenders or
a waitress help me to the restroom door because I was afraid of the
drunks.
I know a bar is not a stadium but tonight I really tried to simulate
the experience I may have at the stadium...instead of having anyone
follow me to make sure I made it or having someone who works there
help me when I went the wrong way I jumped up, grabbed my cane and
tried to just head for the bathroom myself...trying to blend into the
crowd and interacting with the people to see what kind of reaction I
would get and to try to sort of see how the drunks would be like.
The experience wasn't the best. I couldn't take two or three steps
without someone coming over, and grabbing my hand to try to help me.
I tried to be cheerful and say "I'm good" but it's sort of tricky to
get to the bathroom in this bar and so often I was gong the wrong way.
If the people would've just left me alone and let me explore I
could've found my way...but I could barely take three steps without
someone trying to help.
Also, once I got really turned around and was at the front door. I
didn't realize I was at the door however until someone opened it for
me thinking I was trying to go outside. I quickly backed away and said
"no I don't want to go outside."
Another time I had gotten up and was trying to weave my way through
the people and a guy asked in a sort of harsh voice "where you going
kid?" Quickly I said "the bathroom" he sort of directed me and luckily
I was in the right hallway and knew where to go and so very quickly
walked away...
But, I don't know how this whole finding my seat on my own thing will
go...I am thinking every time I take a step someone will be wanting to
help. Drunks like that one that said "where you going kid" kind of
scare me...I do look like a "kid" as I'm so tiny I look like I'm about
15...
First, how do you tell sighted people to leave you alone and let you
explore? I tried to say in a very cheerful voice "I'm good" but that
must've sounded very strange to the person when I was usually going
the wrong way. How do you tell them without being mean to leave you
alone? I don't want to push everyone away...but at the same time I
need room to explore if I am going to find my section on my own...
Also I did notice that the loud noise got me turned around a couple of
times like when I was at the front door and about to go outside which
was nowhere near the bathroom.
What do I do about any harsh/mean drunks who see me as a "kid" who
want to take advantage of me? The bar I was at is very small in
comparison to the stadium and there will be many many many more
people...many drunk, some not...
How is the best way to handle the not so friendly drunks and the fact
that I can't take two or three steps without people rushing to help.
Like I said...I don't want to push people away and end up getting
myself so lost/turned around that when I need help there is noone
around...but if I am going to do this I will need to explore...
I am just saying...I don't know if this will go as smoothly as I
thought...it doesn't seem as if I'll really have the room to just
wander around and explore...
And the types of people like that guy who said "where ya going kid"
kind of scare me...what do I do if I get into a sticky situation?
I know this bar is no real simulation to a stadium but it gave me the
experience of navigating with my cane in a crowd of people that were
drinking and having to interact with people I didn't know...
Thanks,
Kerri
On 11/11/10, Kimberly thurman <kimthurman at insightbb.com> wrote:
> Sounds like you have it pretty well planned out. You're obviously
> going to
> have to ask for assistance of one sort or another, as you won't know
> which
> way to go to get to your section without asking anybody. Stadiums
> have such
> wide concourses and hallways with ramps, stairs, concessions stands,
> big
> open areas, etc. that I would take any assistance offered me Taking
> someone's arm would probably be a wise idea. If you were going to
> have the
> same seat for several games each season like folks with season
> tickets, it
> might be worth it to learn the exact route to your seat, but if you
> are not
> going to sit there next time you go to a football game, there's not
> much use
> in memorizing the route.
> On Nov 11, 2010, at 8:34 PM, Kerri Kosten wrote:
>
>> Hi Kimberly and all:
>>
>> Oh my goodness...I have tons of them...I am a huge huge WVU fan and
>> write about the team for a local radio station's website...believe
>> me
>> I wouldn't wear anything but WVU stuff...
>>
>> Kimberly since you've been to the stadium before...as long as I'm
>> not
>> wandering the parking lots and am inside the stadium...do you think
>> it'd be safe/okay for me to try to use my cane and find my own
>> seat?
>>
>> Can you forsee any huge problems I may not be thinking of?
>>
>> I'll go early around 10:30...I'll have my Iphone and a
>> whistle...I'll
>> get dropped off by the entrance...I'll make sure it's the right
>> entrance for the tickets I have which are on the 50 yard
>> line...I'll
>> make sure to have two ways to get home...anything I'm not thinking
>> of
>> or need to be cautious/make sure of?
>>
>> If I go in at 10:30 most of the drunks will still be tailgating and
>> if
>> it's close to game time like around say 11:30/40ish and I haven't
>> found my seat yet I'll just take an arm...
>>
>> Sound good to everyone? Anything else I may be forgetting/need to
>> be
>> cautious of/not thinking of?
>>
>> Kerri
>>
>> On 11/11/10, Kimberly thurman <kimthurman at insightbb.com> wrote:
>>> Kerry, on a lighter note, just don't wear red and black on
>>> Saturday.
>>> They're Cincinnati's colors, as well as the University of
>>> Louisville's.
>>> If
>>> you have a University of West Virginia shirt, that would be a good
>>> choice.
>>> Fans like to help fellow fans. *smile*
>>> On Nov 11, 2010, at 8:07 PM, Albert Yoo wrote:
>>>
>>>> get some one to help you to your seat. Are you going to ask some
>>>> one to
>>>> get
>>>> your food and go through the line with you? What is your email
>>>> address?
>>>>
>>>> On Thu, Nov 11, 2010 at 5:54 PM, Kerri Kosten
>>>> <kerrik2006 at gmail.com>
>>>> wrote:
>>>>
>>>>> Hi Al:
>>>>>
>>>>> They are playing the Cincinnati Bearcats...a team that isn't
>>>>> that good
>>>>> since they lost Brian Kelly to Notre Dame but Butch Jones is
>>>>> making
>>>>> his return...should be interesting.
>>>>>
>>>>> Albert...just curious...what's your opinion...do you go to many
>>>>> sporting events...should I get someone from the stadium to help
>>>>> me or
>>>>> use my cane to find my seat?
>>>>>
>>>>> Just for curiosity's sake...trying to get as many different
>>>>> opinions as
>>>>> I
>>>>> can!
>>>>>
>>>>> Kerri
>>>>>
>>>>> On 11/11/10, Albert Yoo <albert.k.yoo at gmail.com> wrote:
>>>>>> Enjoy the game Carrie! Who are they playing this weekend?
>>>>>>
>>>>>> On Thu, Nov 11, 2010 at 4:52 PM, Kimberly thurman
>>>>>> <kimthurman at insightbb.com>wrote:
>>>>>>
>>>>>>> Kerry, okay! That's great. I'm breathing a sigh of relief.
>>>>>>> I was
>>>>>>> just
>>>>>>> concerned about you girl. I guess I had a picture of little
>>>>>>> old you
>>>>>>> wandering that crazy parking lot all aone and it made me
>>>>>>> frightened
>>>>>>> for
>>>>>>> you.
>>>>>>> Odds are you would probably have even survived that, but why?
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> I think you have it figured out, and which ever method you
>>>>>>> choose,
>>>>>>> enjoy
>>>>>>> yourself. You're definitely a brave girl.
>>>>>>> On Nov 11, 2010, at 3:00 PM, Kerri Kosten wrote:
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> Hi Kimberly and All:
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> Okay let me clear a few things up.
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> Kimberly I appreciate your concern so very much.
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> I am not going to go wandering through the parking lots; I
>>>>>>>> want to
>>>>>>>> go
>>>>>>>> to this game for the game and do not plan to tailgate either
>>>>>>>> before
>>>>>>>> or
>>>>>>>> after the game. So, I will be nowhere near the parking
>>>>>>>> lots...they
>>>>>>>> are
>>>>>>>> a perfect recipe to be raped...you have a bunch of rowdy
>>>>>>>> crazy
>>>>>>>> drunks
>>>>>>>> all in one area...I'm not gonna get lost in that mess.
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> I dont want to go to this game alone to prove I am
>>>>>>>> independent or to
>>>>>>>> practice my self-defense/screaming techniques with a
>>>>>>>> drunk...I want
>>>>>>>> to
>>>>>>>> do this alone to prove that I can in fact go to crowded
>>>>>>>> events and
>>>>>>>> do
>>>>>>>> not need to wait around for feel-sorry-for-the-blind-girl
>>>>>>>> sighted
>>>>>>>> people.
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> I have to disagree Kimberly about the couch burning...we only
>>>>>>>> do
>>>>>>>> that
>>>>>>>> for big major wins and I do not agree with that at all...it
>>>>>>>> makes
>>>>>>>> our
>>>>>>>> school and the state of West Virginia look very bad.
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> I will have my cell phone and a whistle; I have also made
>>>>>>>> arrangements
>>>>>>>> to be dropped off and picked up at the stadium entrance and
>>>>>>>> have two
>>>>>>>> arrangements to get home. Like I said I do not plan to wander
>>>>>>>> around
>>>>>>>> the parking lot at all; I want to go to the game to enjoy the
>>>>>>>> game.
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> I know I will need assistance to my seat...I don't plan to
>>>>>>>> just do
>>>>>>>> this entire thing without asking a single person for
>>>>>>>> help...what I
>>>>>>>> haven't decided is whether I will call the stadium ahead and
>>>>>>>> have
>>>>>>>> someone who works at the stadium escort me to my seat
>>>>>>>> (similarly to
>>>>>>>> asking for assistance at airports) or whether I will use my
>>>>>>>> cane and
>>>>>>>> ask random people along the way "excuse me what section is
>>>>>>>> this?"
>>>>>>>> "Section 102" Okay...I need to keep going; I need section
>>>>>>>> 145...
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> Since this is my first game I am leaning toward just having
>>>>>>>> someone
>>>>>>>> who works at the stadium help me...but the adventurous side
>>>>>>>> of me
>>>>>>>> who
>>>>>>>> loves loves loves structured discovery cane travel wants to
>>>>>>>> do
>>>>>>>> otherwise...
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> Thanks everyone again!
>>>>>>>> Kerri
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> On 11/11/10, Ashley Bramlett <bookwormahb at earthlink.net>
>>>>>>>> wrote:
>>>>>>>>> Joe,
>>>>>>>>> That's right. That's why I haven't gone to huge events like
>>>>>>>>> the
>>>>>>>>> one
>>>>>>> Kerry
>>>>>>>>> spoke of alone. Instead I started small by going to school
>>>>>>>>> plays
>>>>>>>>> and
>>>>>>>>> concerts and out to eat. Later I may attempt large things
>>>>>>>>> with
>>>>>>> thousands of
>>>>>>>>> people. I think you need to build up confidence. Otherwise
>>>>>>>>> as you
>>>>> say
>>>>>>> you
>>>>>>>>> might have a rotten time and get so frustrated in the
>>>>>>>>> process. So
>>>>> its
>>>>>>> fine
>>>>>>>>> to build up to independence with no guides. Maybe a few
>>>>>>>>> times use
>>>>>>>>> assistance. Then you'll be familiar with the layout and
>>>>>>>>> next time
>>>>>>>>> do
>>>>>>>>> it
>>>>>>>>> alone.
>>>>>>>>> Someday I'd like to attend a concert or play with thousands
>>>>>>>>> such as
>>>>> at
>>>>>>> the
>>>>>>>>> Verizon center but I'm going to work up to that goal. Even
>>>>>>>>> when I
>>>>>>>>> do
>>>>>>> go, I
>>>>>>>>> might go with a blind friend and we can figure out things
>>>>>>>>> together.
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> Ashley
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> _______________________________________________
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>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
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