[nabs-l] When NFB philosophy doesn't seem to work... advice?
Dave Webster
dwebster125 at gmail.com
Sat Dec 28 00:39:54 UTC 2013
Hi Beth. You can email me off list if you want. Thanks.---Original
Message-----
From: nabs-l [mailto:nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Beth Taurasi
Sent: Friday, December 27, 2013 4:33 PM
To: sandragayer7 at gmail.com; National Association of Blind Students mailing
list
Subject: Re: [nabs-l] When NFB philosophy doesn't seem to work... advice?
I didn't think about that one. I was in a crisis myself, and it was back in
'06. If anyone wants to write me off list, feel free and I can describe the
crisis.
Beth
On 12/27/2013 4:51 PM, Sandra Gayer wrote:
> Hello Kaiti,
> The situation you are in sounds horrible for you. This girl clearly
> isn't coping and needs emotional support but you can't be responsible
> for her needs. It sounds as though she is using you as a helpline. No
> one can or will tell you what to do but if I were in your position, I
> would look up the numbers of some crisis helplines and give her the
> numbers next time she calls. I would also ask her to look into talking
> to a professional like a therapist. I know it's difficult but when she
> starts to talk about her problems, try not to fan the flames of the
> conversation by participating in the conversation. Instead, try and
> suggest the same things, (helplines and therapy, emotionally
> supportive websites and forums), every time she phones and say nothing
> else. If it helps you, write yourself a script and stick to it every
> single phone call. If this girl is calling your family, maybe give
> them the same script. It may take time but she will stop.
>
> I used to work for a charity that gave emotional support to 16-25 year
> olds and you're more than welcome to email me off list if you'd like
> specific resources.
> Very best wishes,
> Sandra.
>
> On 12/27/13, Dave Webster <dwebster125 at gmail.com> wrote:
>> Hi Katie. My name is Dave. I'm from California. It actually sounds
>> like this girl may have a problem with depression. I have bipolar
>> and a long while back I've done the same thing with people. One of
>> the things that happens is when a person is going into a crisis with
>> depression what happens is they try to find a person who they totally
>> feel comfortable with. When they find that person that usually is
>> the only person that they'll talk to.
>> They won't talk to anyone else. I've done that with people. I try
>> not to but at times it just happens. What to do about it? That's a
>> hard one. I don't think there is an easy answer. Probably the best
>> thing you can do is to continue to be her friend. I know how it is
>> when you're depressed believe me. When my grandma died in January I
>> was talking to this person who I had met online and it sort of was
>> the same thing but reversed in that I was calling her a lot but the
>> only difference was we were kind of involved with eachother. She
>> eventually broke off the relationship. It wasn't so much me and what
>> I was doing. She knew I was going through a lot but she had a mental
>> illness as well so. If you want you can mailm me off list and we
>> could talk about this more. But. Yea unfortunately there is not an
>> easy
>> answer to this o ne.
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: nabs-l [mailto:nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Kaiti
>> Shelton
>> Sent: Friday, December 27, 2013 2:30 PM
>> To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
>> Subject: [nabs-l] When NFB philosophy doesn't seem to work... advice?
>>
>> Hi all,
>>
>> I have quite the puzzling situation on my hands, and I am not quite
>> sure how to handle it. Thoughts?
>>
>> Almost four years ago my mom and I went to this 3 day seminar for
>> students in the state voc rehab program with visual impairments.
>> This Friday evening to Sunday morning seminar was designed to show
>> students and parents from around the state different employment
>> options that were available, ranging from vending and call center
>> jobs to taking the college route to get a degree in a two or four
>> year program. A friend of mine and I, who lived close to each other,
>> were hanging out
>> early on. All of a sudden, this other girl was hanging all over him
>> and would not give him his personal space. It was very odd,
>> considering that this was a very short period of time in which this
>> all happened. Less than 24 hours after the students had met, my
>> friend was so creeped out by the almost constant and unwanted
>> attention that he began to avoid this girl.
>> Other students, seeing how creeped out he was and some creeped out
>> themselves due to the same thing, ended up following suit.
>>
>> I was sixteen at the time, and could feel for my friend. The girl
>> was very much in my face a lot of the time too, but I was a bit more
>> patient with her throughout the weekend. She seemed to be worse with
>> the guys than the girls too, so I had a little more space than my
>> friend.
>>
>> About 3 months after the program in the summertime, she started
>> calling my house. The parents at the program were given a list of
>> the other parents who attended, along with their phone numbers, so
>> they could swap resources if they so chose. This girl got the list
>> from her parents, and was using it to call me and my friend, possibly
>> other students as well although I am not sure. The calls started off
>> being about once every so often, then increased. She was a very odd
>> girl, and liked to complain and cry about her problems to me and my
>> friend.
>> There was nothing social about the calls, just complaining and
>> negativity, and mumbling which was really weird. He quit talking to
>> her much sooner than I did because I tried to get her to see that
>> being visually impaired, (she didn't like the word blind since she
>> was a large print reader, and kind of used that to elivate herself
>> above other people), was not the worst thing in the world. She would
>> cry and complain, and even tell me I didn't understand how bad things
>> were, when her descriptions of things made it sound like she was very
>> overdramatic. I decided at the end of my junior year, a year after
>> the calls started coming, that I didn't want to talk to a downer, and
>> that I wasn't going to be able to convince her that blindness didn't
>> mean the end of the world.
>>
>> The girl continued to call. My senior year was very busy with
>> activities and preparing for college. I would come home from
>> marching band practices to find my siblings quite frustrated because
>> the girl had kept calling, sometimes as much as 5 or 6 times in a
>> span of a few hours. They didn't want to answer the phone because
>> whenever someone told her I wasn't home she would instantly get teary
>> and mumble things to herself, and it was very weird, but they didn't
>> want her to continue calling either. I remember one night over
>> Christmas break of that year, she called and when I told her I was
>> getting ready to leave the house, which I was to go pick up someone
>> coming in from out of town for the holidays with my family, she got
>> angry and wanted me to give her my cell phone number. I told her
>> that I didn't want to give it out, and she started to get upset.
>> Then I really had to go, and there was the characteristic mumbling.
>>
>> My parents have told me that for the past year and a half that I've
>> been in college that the girl has continued to call. My mom has told
>> her that I live at school and do not come home much multiple times.
>> My younger siblings, in frustration, have told her that I've moved
>> away and have begun making up different things to tell her to try to
>> discourage her from calling. She continues to call, and around
>> Christmas it is always terrible. A few nights ago she called when my
>> parents were asleep a little after 11:00 at night, and has
>> apparently called and left messages late at night before. My parents
>> have to get up very early for work, so In order to stop the ringing
>> and to prevent a message from playing over the machine I had to
>> answer. Everything was exactly the same. I was heading to bed
>> myself, so I told her that I was asleep when she asked for me. The
>> fact that she had called at such a late hour didn't seem to phase
>> her, there was just the mumbling and usual stuff coming over the line.
>>
>> I don't quite know what to do. I've tried to be positive with her
>> and that hasn't worked. My family has told her that I no longer live
>> at home and am away at school among other things in frustration, but
>> nothing seems to phase her. I know she still calls my friend's house
>> as well, even though he does not live at home any more either. I
>> don't quite know what to do about this.
>> I barely know her and she barely knows me, and in spite of this I
>> have tried to help her with no success. My parents and siblings have
>> said that we should just block her calls, but I have hesitated in
>> doing this while I was in high school because I didn't want to be
>> mean, and then I honestly forgot about her for the most part while I
>> was at school last year and last semester because I can't get calls
>> from her there. After the call a few nights ago, I don't really know
>> what to think. I am slightly creeped out that even after my parents
>> have told her I am not home for the past year and a half that the
>> calls are still coming. What do you think I should do?
>>
>> --
>> Kaiti
>>
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>
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