[NAGDU] Tracy/going out
Peter Wolf
pwolf1 at wolfskills.com
Fri Jan 3 20:56:38 UTC 2020
Tracy,
If this helps. It is a double bind. Pet owners train their pets away from separation anxiety. Our situation, in the way they guide and watch over us, is the opposite. They live for this, and for us. So it’s tough to leave them. I exercise this muscle periodically by going out on cane without Metukah. I have to keep my cane skills up. But Tuki has our family when I’m out. That balances it for her. But, what if she didn’t have Kira and my wife? On occasion, when this happens, that she is all alone for one or a few hours, she feels it. She tells us so when we come back. For the next couple of days when I send her out to pee, for example, she will stop every so often, look over her shoulder. I’ll have to say, no it’s ok, I’m still here, go pee. Go! Two or three of these steps before she goes, oh, ok, I’ll go. It goes away in a day or two. Clearly this affects her. But then she’s fine again.
How it affects (us) is another story. I can’t speak for anyone else, and may touch a nerve. I so deeply love and respect my dog, there is no gap between job and beloved family member. Our whole training was love bonding and respect based. Our dogs have no idea what, quote, disipline, is, because it has never been necessary. Metukah is 9 and doing fine, except maybe a 5% edge that used to be there. For the way we work together, she has a bunch of miles left on her.
Before there was a business category called “pet sitting”, I was the guy who all the vets in my county referred pet owners to. It was a solopreneur business, that put me through college. I got all the behavior cases, injections, wound cleaning and forced-pill visits, and in the case of some pet owners, nut cases. Think back to your own early day, the days of baby sitters. It sounded like this: (Your folks are leaving): Dinner’s in the oven. Here’s the number where we’ll be. See you around midnight. ...But some pet owners, goodness me. A four page letter, outlining concerns and instructions, on which treat, and which color toy at which hour, etc. etc. etc. No, not nicky the blue mousy before lunchtime, it has to be squirty the orange squirell…
I’d get there and the dog was asleep. Love him up, feed him and walk for a while. He’d go back to sleep. Good boy, see ya tonight. I had no idea what all that stuff in the letter was for, except that it wasn’t for the dog, but was for the owner. But guess what, this doesn’t stop me from feeling that terrible, "oh no, will she be ok, what am I thinking?” stream of thoughts as I leave her sometimes. It just tears me apart.
Do your best. Love your dog as deeply and best you can. The later life stuff is so painful. Company is the best thing if we can’t be there. Here is our optimal - Since we learned what it like for two dogs to have each other as well as us, will never have just one dog in our household again.
Peter
Connecting With the Wisdom of the Earth
Executive & individual coaching, consultation, and nature-based facilitation
www. Wolf Leadership Institute . com
707. 829 - 0776
> On Jan 3, 2020, at 4:00 AM, nagdu-request at nfbnet.org wrote:
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> 1. Re: Home alone and aging (Tracy Carcione)
> 2. Re: Home alone and aging (Charlene Ota)
>
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Message: 1
> Date: Thu, 2 Jan 2020 10:38:34 -0500
> From: "Tracy Carcione" <carcione at access.net>
> To: "'NAGDU Mailing List, the National Association of Guide Dog
> Users'" <nagdu at nfbnet.org>
> Subject: Re: [NAGDU] Home alone and aging
> Message-ID: <002801d5c182$b1cc4080$1564c180$@access.net>
> Content-Type: text/plain; charset="us-ascii"
>
> When my old gal Echo started having accidents in the house, I tried a couple
> things.
> First, I tried the dog diaper, but it didn't work so well.
> Then I tried putting a relieving belt and bag on her in the house, and that
> worked fairly well. It's been a while, but I think she had it on most of
> the time, except for a little while after she'd filled the bag. It didn't
> work 100% when she had an accident lying down, but even then it caught some.
> I had to pay attention, so I could take off the bag quickly after she had
> the accident, so she wouldn't sit on it, or get bummed out by poop following
> her around.
>
> Caring for an old dog is hard. But my dogs have given me so much, I feel I
> owe them in return. My husband says people always talk about the
> unconditional love dogs give, but really, it goes both ways.
> Tracy
>
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: NAGDU [mailto:nagdu-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Charlene Ota via
> NAGDU
> Sent: Thursday, January 02, 2020 12:09 AM
> To: 'NAGDU Mailing List, the National Association of Guide Dog Users'
> Cc: Charlene Ota
> Subject: Re: [NAGDU] Home alone and aging
>
> Hey Cindy, I truly empathize with the problems with the accidents. I think I
> could pretty confidently say it's not behavioral in your dog's case, he's an
> old boy now and sadly it seems to come with the territory. That was one of
> the deciding factors for Irish was that he couldn't seem to poop outside
> anymore when we'd take him but he'd drop his poop in the house and hang his
> head and with some of my arthritis issues and all, it was just too hard to
> try to get it all cleaned up and so on. He had other issues including pain
> that had been increasing quite a lot and nothing I could really do for it
> anymore. I had never been through life with an aging dog either so it was
> all new and nobody can really tell you what to prepare for and heaven knows
> the dogs can't tell you much either. Just living with him I got to know the
> things that let me know Irish was in pain or not but that took time and
> paying a lot of attention. I would sometimes get so frustrated with the
> accidents but had to stop and remind myself of what the situation was and
> not be upset with him or I knew I'd feel so bad later. But trust me it took
> me some time to figure that out, too! Good grief, we're so spoiled by our
> dogs having such exceptional behavior that when they get older and start
> having issues it's hard to make those adjustments and considerations.
> (smile!)
>
> Forgive me if I'm rambling, but I guess I hope sharing about aging dogs
> might help someone who has to go through it.
>
> Charlene
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: NAGDU <nagdu-bounces at nfbnet.org> On Behalf Of Cindy Ray via NAGDU
> Sent: Wednesday, January 1, 2020 7:30 PM
> To: 'NAGDU Mailing List, the National Association of Guide Dog Users'
> <nagdu at nfbnet.org>
> Cc: cindyray at gmail.com
> Subject: Re: [NAGDU] Home alone
>
> Well, today he unzipped the top and sides of the thing and came out, but I
> think he stayed until we got home. We have always crated, so I just don't
> know, especially since we have had more accidents. Last night Bob stayed at
> home so he was fine. Yes, it is odd what goes on. I've not had a dog this
> old before.
> I think you made the right decision with Krokus.
> Hugs,
> Cindy
>
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: NAGDU <nagdu-bounces at nfbnet.org> On Behalf Of Tracy Carcione via NAGDU
> Sent: Wednesday, January 1, 2020 9:16 AM
> To: 'NAGDU Mailing List, the National Association of Guide Dog Users'
> <nagdu at nfbnet.org>
> Cc: Tracy Carcione <carcione at access.net>
> Subject: Re: [NAGDU] Home alone
>
> Hi Cindy.
> On the rare occasions I leave Krokus home alone, he does very well. I used
> to put him in a crate, when he was a wild young thing, but now he just sacks
> out somewhere until we get back. He was very happy to see us, though, and
> then he ran to point to his kibble can to get a treat. That's my boy!
> I thought of tying him to a chair at the event, but he could easily move a
> chair. Or move himself out where he could see us better, and get stepped
> on, or fed by some "sympathetic" stranger. Or stick his face up on the
> table and help himself. Better to leave him home for a bit.
>
> Maybe Fischer is getting a bit of separation anxiety in his old age? My old
> gal Echo had some anxiety issues in her old age. In her case, she came to
> hate going anywhere. I don't know if it was that her arthritis made it
> uncomfortable to get in a car, or if her decreased hearing and mental
> capacity made it confusing to be out of a familiar place, but she became a
> real homebody. It's hard to know what's going on in a dog's head. But it
> seems like old age can have mental effects, as well as physical ones.
> Tracy
>
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: NAGDU [mailto:nagdu-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Cindy Ray via
> NAGDU
> Sent: Tuesday, December 31, 2019 4:02 PM
> To: 'NAGDU Mailing List, the National Association of Guide Dog Users'
> Cc: cindyray at gmail.com
> Subject: Re: [NAGDU] Home alone
>
> Well, Tracy, I'm thinking of something similar, but my situation is
> different from yours now. Fisher is rarely left, but sometimes we have had
> to leave him for nine hours. Trust me, that is rare, and I hate that. But of
> late when we get home he starts crying from his crate and is very anxious.
> Sometimes it is because he needs to get outside, but not always. Yesterday
> and Sunday he was alone for only a little over two and yesterday about three
> but we got the same results. I am wondering what caused this, and I am
> beginning to feel like staying home with him, though Bob isn't feeling well
> and might. Then it wouldn't be a worry, but he seems very anxious lately.
> As for Krokus, I probably would leave him that long and in a care, though if
> he doesn't stay alone all that often, it might make him stress. I would
> probably take the dog and tie him to a chair when I was going out on the
> dance floor, but I've never done it, so I can't say for certain.
> Cindy Lou Ray
> cindyray at gmail.com
>
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: NAGDU <nagdu-bounces at nfbnet.org> On Behalf Of Tracy Carcione via NAGDU
> Sent: Tuesday, December 31, 2019 12:09 PM
> To: 'NAGDU Mailing List, the National Association of Guide Dog Users'
> <nagdu at nfbnet.org>
> Cc: Tracy Carcione <carcione at access.net>
> Subject: [NAGDU] Home alone
>
> Tonight my husband and I are going to a dinner dance, and I decided Krokus
> can stay home alone. We'll only be gone about 4 hours, and I don't want to
> be worrying about what he's up to when we're out on the dance floor.
>
> I know I'm a silly Midwesterner, but I worry that, if something happens,
> like we get into an accident or something, no one will know the dog is here
> and come rescue him. So I've told my neighbor we'll be out, and she can
> rescue Krokus in the unlikely event we don't get home. I've probably
> confused the heck out of her.
>
> Does anyone else think about these things? Do others have a better idea?
>
> Tracy the worry-wart
>
>
>
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>
> ------------------------------
>
> Message: 2
> Date: Thu, 2 Jan 2020 12:51:12 -0600
> From: "Charlene Ota" <caota4 at gmail.com>
> To: "'NAGDU Mailing List, the National Association of Guide Dog
> Users'" <nagdu at nfbnet.org>
> Subject: Re: [NAGDU] Home alone and aging
> Message-ID: <094a01d5c19d$9b4479c0$d1cd6d40$@gmail.com>
> Content-Type: text/plain; charset="us-ascii"
>
> I tried putting the relieving belt on Irish in the house but he wasn't
> comfortable. He had a really big fatty tumor that may have interfered or
> made it uncomfortable to have it on when he was in the house lying down.
>
> You put it so well, though, Tracy, the dogs have given us so much. I really
> wanted to do the best I could for my boy and make the best decisions that I
> could for all of us.
>
> Charlene
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: NAGDU <nagdu-bounces at nfbnet.org> On Behalf Of Tracy Carcione via NAGDU
> Sent: Thursday, January 2, 2020 9:39 AM
> To: 'NAGDU Mailing List, the National Association of Guide Dog Users'
> <nagdu at nfbnet.org>
> Cc: Tracy Carcione <carcione at access.net>
> Subject: Re: [NAGDU] Home alone and aging
>
> When my old gal Echo started having accidents in the house, I tried a couple
> things.
> First, I tried the dog diaper, but it didn't work so well.
> Then I tried putting a relieving belt and bag on her in the house, and that
> worked fairly well. It's been a while, but I think she had it on most of
> the time, except for a little while after she'd filled the bag. It didn't
> work 100% when she had an accident lying down, but even then it caught some.
> I had to pay attention, so I could take off the bag quickly after she had
> the accident, so she wouldn't sit on it, or get bummed out by poop following
> her around.
>
> Caring for an old dog is hard. But my dogs have given me so much, I feel I
> owe them in return. My husband says people always talk about the
> unconditional love dogs give, but really, it goes both ways.
> Tracy
>
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: NAGDU [mailto:nagdu-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Charlene Ota via
> NAGDU
> Sent: Thursday, January 02, 2020 12:09 AM
> To: 'NAGDU Mailing List, the National Association of Guide Dog Users'
> Cc: Charlene Ota
> Subject: Re: [NAGDU] Home alone and aging
>
> Hey Cindy, I truly empathize with the problems with the accidents. I think I
> could pretty confidently say it's not behavioral in your dog's case, he's an
> old boy now and sadly it seems to come with the territory. That was one of
> the deciding factors for Irish was that he couldn't seem to poop outside
> anymore when we'd take him but he'd drop his poop in the house and hang his
> head and with some of my arthritis issues and all, it was just too hard to
> try to get it all cleaned up and so on. He had other issues including pain
> that had been increasing quite a lot and nothing I could really do for it
> anymore. I had never been through life with an aging dog either so it was
> all new and nobody can really tell you what to prepare for and heaven knows
> the dogs can't tell you much either. Just living with him I got to know the
> things that let me know Irish was in pain or not but that took time and
> paying a lot of attention. I would sometimes get so frustrated with the
> accidents but had to stop and remind myself of what the situation was and
> not be upset with him or I knew I'd feel so bad later. But trust me it took
> me some time to figure that out, too! Good grief, we're so spoiled by our
> dogs having such exceptional behavior that when they get older and start
> having issues it's hard to make those adjustments and considerations.
> (smile!)
>
> Forgive me if I'm rambling, but I guess I hope sharing about aging dogs
> might help someone who has to go through it.
>
> Charlene
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: NAGDU <nagdu-bounces at nfbnet.org> On Behalf Of Cindy Ray via NAGDU
> Sent: Wednesday, January 1, 2020 7:30 PM
> To: 'NAGDU Mailing List, the National Association of Guide Dog Users'
> <nagdu at nfbnet.org>
> Cc: cindyray at gmail.com
> Subject: Re: [NAGDU] Home alone
>
> Well, today he unzipped the top and sides of the thing and came out, but I
> think he stayed until we got home. We have always crated, so I just don't
> know, especially since we have had more accidents. Last night Bob stayed at
> home so he was fine. Yes, it is odd what goes on. I've not had a dog this
> old before.
> I think you made the right decision with Krokus.
> Hugs,
> Cindy
>
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: NAGDU <nagdu-bounces at nfbnet.org> On Behalf Of Tracy Carcione via NAGDU
> Sent: Wednesday, January 1, 2020 9:16 AM
> To: 'NAGDU Mailing List, the National Association of Guide Dog Users'
> <nagdu at nfbnet.org>
> Cc: Tracy Carcione <carcione at access.net>
> Subject: Re: [NAGDU] Home alone
>
> Hi Cindy.
> On the rare occasions I leave Krokus home alone, he does very well. I used
> to put him in a crate, when he was a wild young thing, but now he just sacks
> out somewhere until we get back. He was very happy to see us, though, and
> then he ran to point to his kibble can to get a treat. That's my boy!
> I thought of tying him to a chair at the event, but he could easily move a
> chair. Or move himself out where he could see us better, and get stepped
> on, or fed by some "sympathetic" stranger. Or stick his face up on the
> table and help himself. Better to leave him home for a bit.
>
> Maybe Fischer is getting a bit of separation anxiety in his old age? My old
> gal Echo had some anxiety issues in her old age. In her case, she came to
> hate going anywhere. I don't know if it was that her arthritis made it
> uncomfortable to get in a car, or if her decreased hearing and mental
> capacity made it confusing to be out of a familiar place, but she became a
> real homebody. It's hard to know what's going on in a dog's head. But it
> seems like old age can have mental effects, as well as physical ones.
> Tracy
>
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: NAGDU [mailto:nagdu-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Cindy Ray via
> NAGDU
> Sent: Tuesday, December 31, 2019 4:02 PM
> To: 'NAGDU Mailing List, the National Association of Guide Dog Users'
> Cc: cindyray at gmail.com
> Subject: Re: [NAGDU] Home alone
>
> Well, Tracy, I'm thinking of something similar, but my situation is
> different from yours now. Fisher is rarely left, but sometimes we have had
> to leave him for nine hours. Trust me, that is rare, and I hate that. But of
> late when we get home he starts crying from his crate and is very anxious.
> Sometimes it is because he needs to get outside, but not always. Yesterday
> and Sunday he was alone for only a little over two and yesterday about three
> but we got the same results. I am wondering what caused this, and I am
> beginning to feel like staying home with him, though Bob isn't feeling well
> and might. Then it wouldn't be a worry, but he seems very anxious lately.
> As for Krokus, I probably would leave him that long and in a care, though if
> he doesn't stay alone all that often, it might make him stress. I would
> probably take the dog and tie him to a chair when I was going out on the
> dance floor, but I've never done it, so I can't say for certain.
> Cindy Lou Ray
> cindyray at gmail.com
>
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: NAGDU <nagdu-bounces at nfbnet.org> On Behalf Of Tracy Carcione via NAGDU
> Sent: Tuesday, December 31, 2019 12:09 PM
> To: 'NAGDU Mailing List, the National Association of Guide Dog Users'
> <nagdu at nfbnet.org>
> Cc: Tracy Carcione <carcione at access.net>
> Subject: [NAGDU] Home alone
>
> Tonight my husband and I are going to a dinner dance, and I decided Krokus
> can stay home alone. We'll only be gone about 4 hours, and I don't want to
> be worrying about what he's up to when we're out on the dance floor.
>
> I know I'm a silly Midwesterner, but I worry that, if something happens,
> like we get into an accident or something, no one will know the dog is here
> and come rescue him. So I've told my neighbor we'll be out, and she can
> rescue Krokus in the unlikely event we don't get home. I've probably
> confused the heck out of her.
>
> Does anyone else think about these things? Do others have a better idea?
>
> Tracy the worry-wart
>
>
>
> _______________________________________________
> NAGDU mailing list
> NAGDU at nfbnet.org
> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/nagdu_nfbnet.org
> To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for NAGDU:
> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/options/nagdu_nfbnet.org/cindyray%40gmail.com
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