[Blindtlk] Greetings; Behaviors in adults blind

[trishs]

I was raised giving and receiving warm hand shakes, or in some 
situations, embraces and or kisses, all of which seem to me to be 
quite germ spreading!  I like the bowing idea a lot!

> ----- Original Message -----
>From: Joel Zimba <jzimba at cavtel.net
>To: NFBnet Blind Talk Mailing List <blindtlk at nfbnet.org
>Date sent: Sat, 23 May 2009 17:08:35 -0400
>Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] Greetings; Behaviors in adults blind

>Hi,

>I love these kinds of topics.  I believe the issue of blind or 
sighted
>is mostly meaningless when it comes to whether you should touch 
someone
>or not.  It comes down more to how comfortable you are with what 
you are
>doing and your motivation for it.

>The examples of folks talking with their hands is a great one.  
It's not
>so much that they talk with their hands, but that touching is a 
means of
>communication.  In fact, if you are comfortable enough with 
yurself to
>touch someone else while speaking to them, you'll pull them into 
your
>paradigm.  This is common wisdom in the sales world.

>For the blind among us, (myself included) this is most easily 
donw with
>the back of the hand and making solid contact.

>When it comes to shaking hands, I decided to take the initiative 
early
>and often.  When someone doesn't take my hand, I leave it out 
there and
>then eventually start snapping my fingers.  This calls attention 
to the
>fact that the other people are not playing the social game.  I 
was
>taught that it is not obligatory for women to shake hands.  Long 
ago I
>decided that if women want equal rights, they can do the glad 
handing as
>well, so I expect them to shake and I do the snapping as well.  I
>sometimes let the elderly off the hook, though oddly, the older 
someone
>is, the more likely they are to initiate or take my hand.  Proper
>conduct seems to not always be taught to the younger generation.  
Maybe
>we all need to go back to finishing school.

>Now, if someone could explain the bowing protocol to me so that 
my Asian
>friends would be surprised and pleased by my manners, I would be 
very
>greatful.

>Joel

>On 5/23/2009 12:40 PM, Jeffrey Schwartz wrote:
>> Hi Gerardo,
>> I am also blind as a result of RP and a clinical psychologist.  
My vision
>> deteriorated at a different pace.  I drove a car until I was 27 
and did not
>> require adaptive technology to read and write until I was about 
40.  Now, at
>> 61, I have little more than light perception.  When younger, I 
was often
>> embarrassed when my wife kindly noted that someone was reaching 
out to shake
>> my hand and I was not noticing.  Eventually, I learned to avoid 
this problem
>> by taking the initiative.  On occasion I reach out to discover 
that the
>> person has quickly turned their back or departed, no big deal.  
I have had
>> no experience with the touching.  There are cultural differences 
in such
>> nonverbal behaviors.  For example, cultures vary in terms of 
what is
>> regarded as personal space.  Groups vary in terms of how close 
they stand to
>> each other when speaking, and also with regard to touching which 
is common
>> in some cultures and taboo in others.  Perhaps your blindness 
has led you to
>> exceed what is common in your culture or your parents may have 
felt bad for
>> you when they saw you reach out to touch someone and the person 
had
>> departed.  There are also a group of behaviors known as 
blindisms.  We all
>> conduct little rituals of personal hygiene when alone which we 
would not do
>> in front of others.  There is a tendency, particularly if one 
loses their
>> vision gradually to assume that others see as we do.  I am often 
surprised
>> by what others can see.  We assume that if we can't see 
something others can
>> not either.  This can lead us to embarrass ourselves by 
performing these
>> grooming rituals in public.  Recently, I have noticed that when 
I am walking
>> and thinking about a conversation which I had or will have with 
someone, I
>> am moving my lips as if I were speaking.  I am working on 
suppressing this
>> behavior as I am certain that the sighted would see it as 
strange.  Behavior
>> is so ritualized, and blindness can lead us to engage in some 
peculiar ones.
>> As professionals, in particular, we don't want to be seen as odd 
or
>> idiosyncratic.
>> Jeff

>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org 
[mailto:blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
>> Behalf Of Cindy Handel
>> Sent: Saturday, May 23, 2009 9:55 AM
>> To: NFBnet Blind Talk Mailing List
>> Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] Greetings;Behaviors in adults blind

>> Gerardo,

>> Most of the time, when I would like to shake the hand of a 
sighted person, I

>> just extend my hand and they grasp it and we shake hands.

>> As far as touching the arm of people, I've never done this.  
When do you do
>> this?  If you're talking with someone, it shouldn't be 
necessary, since
>> they're participating in the conversation.  I think we've all 
experienced a
>> time when we're talking to someone and learn that they walked 
away.  Now, if

>> you're referring to touching a person's arm to make sure they're 
still there

>> as a way to insure that you still have their attention, that's 
something
>> different.  I have met sighted people who talk with their hands 
and touch my

>> arm or shoulder, for emphasis.  So, that might not be so 
unusual.

>> Cindy
>> ----- Original Message -----
>> From: "Gerardo Corripio"<gera1027 at prodigy.net.mx
>> To: "Blind-Talk"<blindtlk at nfbnet.org
>> Sent: Friday, May 22, 2009 11:35 PM
>> Subject: [Blindtlk] Greetings;Behaviors in adults blind


>> Hi listers:
>> I'm Gerardo from Mexico; 31 years old and a Psychologist working 
on my own
>> in my private practice.
>> Hopefully I'll be able to learn lots of great things from you 
guys,
>> especially of the NFB way of viewing and living with blindness.
>> Now for my debut question: I've been blind all my life due to 
RP; since I
>> was a teenager I remember developing a habbit of touching the 
arm of the
>> people constanly to be sure he/she was still there.  I continued 
to do this
>> into adulthood until my family made the observation that this 
behavior isn't
>> seen well by the sighted only a few days ago.  I'm still shocked 
by this
>> observation to the point that now how to know if the person is 
still there?
>> Yes, the voice gives feedback but when people talk it feels as 
if they're
>> there but aren't there.  How have you coped with this situation 
in that you
>> have to get rid of the habbit before-mentioned? Surely it has 
happened to
>> some of you?
>> also when shaking hands with sighted people how to find the hand 
to shake if
>> the sighted person doesn't take the initiative?
>> As you can see I've still have lots of tips and tricks to learn 
about
>> blindness, thus my interest in joining the list.
>> Gerardo


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